Awkward situation

I really don’t see what all the fuss is about ,..just lock the door !

This is the reason why locks are put on bathroom / toilet doors so people can have some privacy.

So rather than spend wasted time pondering over all this with your friend , next time you go away with her just lock the door behind you . So Simple !

This has moved from innocent friendship misunderstanding to bizarre suggestions. I'm out.

Ok.

Are you suggesting that this woman has sexual designs on you?

If not, you have had a lot of suggestions as to how to deal with a difference in boundaries surrounding the bathroom.

If you do think that this is the situation, would you welcome such an advance?

If you would, it will be easy enough to give encouragement if she is 'sounding you out'. If you wouldn't welcome it, it will also be easy enough to make that clear. You could start by doing the things people have suggested anyway, which will give her a hint, and in the (highly unlikely) event that she doesn't pick it up and makes an advance, all you have to do is gently tell her that you aren't interested. There's really no more to it than that.

Some of my friends - admittedly not English are so laid back that they strip off to try something on ( even shapewear ) or show me a scar right in front of me .
There's nothing that I haven't seen .

They've called me in to scrub their backs or look at moles in the bath .

They talk about sex as if it's as normal as going to the loo every day !

One of my daughters will use the loo for a pee if I'm in the bath .

And then , I have other friends , who are plainly really embarrassed about their bodies , bodily functions and sex . They be absolutely mortified if I did as your friend did .

I just look totally impassive with both sets of friends .
I don't want to cause offence - good friends are a precious gift .

I lock the door .
And I don't go into a bathroom if someone is using it . I'd rather that they didn't come in when I'm having a bath .

If this is going to compromise your trip - you'll have to tell her very nicely and gently .

If she's your true friend she'll understand .

Daisy I really think if you had fun other than this, just book your own room and enjoy another holiday.
I'm sure this will blow away once you have a more private space to shower and dress.

It’s awkward because she has been a very good friend to me in the past which is why it’s such a dilemma & she’s recently asked to go away again.

I posted for the first time on here to see what others would do as I don’t want to talk it through with my friends.

Re: privacy I got changed in the bathroom to be private at other times.

By coming in without even knocking has made me wonder if the intention all along was to look

And you feel awkward about getting our of going away with her again?
Something doesn't stack.up.

35Daisychain64

I think because she also said any man would be lucky to have me afterwards it is obvious she also had a good look
This seems to be getting more serious- (as often happens) and running to over 50 posts
It seems to be preying on your mind and assuming a greater significance than suggested in your first post.
OK you were in the shower, what was to stop you grabbing your towel, preserving your decency and going into the bedroom?
Or else saying "do you mind I'm not finished?"
Or - obviously, locking the door in the first place?

First - she carried on getting ready
Then she used the loo as well
Then she had a good look

Anything else?

Yet you were happy to share a bedroom in which you presumably got dressed and undressed etc
Why the fuss now?

Auto correct blips!
Fire=door
Went= why

Enjoy your next trip!

Went drag up the past?
Just lock the fire in future.

She probably thought as you didn’t lock the door last time that you were ok with her coming in?

No need to feel embarrassed, or embarrass her by dragging it out to a conversation, just lock the door in future.

I think because she also said any man would be lucky to have me afterwards it is obvious she also had a good look. She is 70 & unhappily married, I’m 58 & divorced. I view her as a motherly figure so it has slightly unnerved me. By coming in without even knocking has made me wonder if the intention all along was to look.

Nowadays I have to say I wouldn’t share a room with anyone but dh or very close family.
As for barging in while you were in the shower, OP, I’d have had to have a Very Firm Word about that. Whether she’d be fine with you doing the same is entirely beside the point.

DH and I once stayed in a B&B where the en suite bathroom had no door! It was an old cottage, and the en suite had been an adjacent bedroom, so was spacious, but we really both felt uncomfortable, especially going to the loo. In other respects the accommodation was superb: lovely host, delicious breakfast, fridge on the landing etc. but this spoilt it for us.
Definitely lock the door, OP.

My "just good friends' boyfriend knows not to join me in the bathroom on holiday. He also knows that I never lock the door and would yell out for him if I were in trouble.

I am ok when I visit the leisure centre, no problem in changing area or shower , but would not like it in a shared hotel room! I know that is strange , but in your situation I wouldn't dream of entering the bathroom if I knew my friend was in there. I am very close to my sister but even with her I would feel awkward.
A solution has already been mentioned - tell your friend you didn't sleep well sharing a room and would prefer it if " we both had our own rooms" I wouldn't want to share a room even with a good friend, I would need my own space and privacy. Your friend will take the hint I feel sure, if she doesn't - don't go ! Good luck 🤞!

I think your own room would be better next time. Adjacent and all that but with its own facilities. I know it will cost more but I reckon it would be well worth it! I don’t like sharing with anyone except my husband, or maybe one of my daughters but that’s it . I don’t want to look at anyone else or hear anyone else’s ablutions, thanks.

I think this is something you need to discuss at the stage when you plan the holiday - or when you first arrive at the hotel. Explain that you are a very private person and that you always lock the door when you use the bathroom, even when with your own family! Announcing that you are going to have a leasurely shower or bath and does anyone need the loo is a good idea.

Don’t miss out on a trip with company you get on with generally just book separate rooms. You can have your own privacy and arrange to meet in the reception or bar to plan your day or evening.

Sharing a bedroom and bathroom with somebody you barely meet in person is awkward already

Go on a trip again with her if you had fun and ask for separate bedrooms - problem solved

I do usually ... I guess I felt comfortable & never dreamt my friend would come in as I asked if she would like to use the bathroom first ... lesson learned!.

Well I’d of locked the door

Great advice & insights ... really helpful.

Just say do you need the loo as I m going in for a shower
That’s what I do if the grandkids or anyone is in the house

I could understand your embarrassment with a stranger but a long term friend it’s happened make sure it doesn’t happen again and put it out your head
Different people have different boundaries she obviously feels more at ease and comfortable with you and you’re a more private person but is it worth losing a friendship or a pleasant trip away when there is such an easy solution

Chuck it out with the shower water forget about it and enjoy your next trip away

I have had many holidays with different friends but always have my own room. If a group of us go a couple do share but the rest of us like our own space. Luckily we all get on and are open. I did share twice with the same friend, years ago now, we had been friends 25 years, I am a light sleeper and her snores could be heard rooms away, then on waking she would go in the bathroom, lock the door for an hour, the shower ran for at least 20 minutes, meanwhile I was awake dying for the loo. Then at meal tines she would tell me about my calorie intake and the food I ate, she objected to me having wine with a meal, she kept her figure by eating small meals as we didn't burn the calories, foolishly I did another holiday with her as didn't quite know how to get out if it but never again. Look back and can't believe I put up with it.

Wouldn't have bothered me.
Don't bring it up ... just lock the door.