Gransnet forums

AIBU

Come on!

(128 Posts)
Quokka Tue 07-Feb-23 14:40:50

AIBU to want my peers, husband, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, certain friends to get to grips with new(ish) technology?

I’m getting fed up of them not being able to; return an Amazon parcel, set up and use WhatsApp, create a new email address, use no-coin parking meters, and so on. Some of these people are a decade younger. So I have to show them how to do it, and they never retain it for next time.

No one taught me I had to figure it out by trial and error, mainly error I admit. But I’m expected to sort these out for them, again and again.

And they insist it’s not them - it’s the mobile/tablet/system. Grrr….

You might say ‘let them get on with it, that’s the only way they’ll learn’ but honestly it’s as if their brain is shuttered.
Can’t do! Won’t do!

Cycorax Thu 09-Feb-23 11:39:48

It's not an age issue. I knew a lady of 102 who was very happy using email and talking to her family via Zoom etc. She was very intelligent and knew how to use internet technology to keep in touch with her friends and family. She was, I believe, an early adopter, so it came easily to her.
Whereas my MIL, also very intelligent, had deferred to her husband's antipathy to using computers, internet etc when they retired and found herself increasingly at a disadvantage.

GoldenAge Thu 09-Feb-23 11:44:30

Quokka - I'm sure that the many teachers among us will understand that when teaching skills, there has to be frequent repetition for the skill to be developed and embedded into a pupil's/student's abilities and unfortunately being presented with the need to return an amazon parcel once every six weeks is not a process that needs to be rehearsed and it's much easier to ask for help at the time.
Personally, in my 70s I am perfectly au fait with IT and unphased when something new confronts me. However, there's a wider implication of IT that we often forget and that is the power of surveillance upon general society by government and business. Every online purchase, every bank account movement, whereabouts noted as we purchase an online parking or theatre ticket, etc. etc. all of these things provide a record of our lives and make it very easy for the behaviour nudging we saw happening in the pandemic. And the continuation of credit cards only in many shops and restaurants rather than the acceptance of cash is another extension of this.

PinkCosmos - regarding the person who paid you by cheque, there could be good reasons why s/he doesn't want to use internet banking. My suggestion is that if you ever enter into an agreement with someone that requires them to reimburse, you should be upfront and say you don't accept cheques - cash or online banking and you'll get cash either in your hand or through the post by registered delivery.

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Thu 09-Feb-23 11:45:59

You don't have to trail into town with a cheque. You can now scan it with your phone and do it on your online banking app. It's great, unless it doesn't work, but that's only happened once for me, thank goodness. Online banking all the way for me, saves me getting cross in the branch when do few staff to "serve" but lots trying to get you to "do it online" in the branch!!

Juicylucy Thu 09-Feb-23 11:51:49

I think we all have strengths and weaknesses so maybe your weaknesses you need help with to. Swings and roundabout.

Nannashirlz Thu 09-Feb-23 11:52:45

Why would they want to learn when they know you can do it for them lol you need to try and get them to not rely on you. Don’t you have groups that teach these things. I know my library does silver surfers teaching ppl ways round a pc basics like email online shopping etc

Ktsmum Thu 09-Feb-23 11:55:41

My DH is like this, learned helplessness, drives me mad 😡

mokryna Thu 09-Feb-23 11:58:46

Some sites don’t help by having too many adverts on the page.
I tried to book hotels for my next trip and finally went to a travel agent where they also cursed because pages kept dropping out when they wanted to book. If they have problems there is no hope for me.

My bank have told me that my phone is too old and I should up date it for their new services!

I déteste thé three women that come up on GN page these days.

Chaitriona Thu 09-Feb-23 12:03:37

I absolutely feel your pain. I do try and try with the internet and things keep going wrong. Sometimes I cry. Next time you should say you will show them once more and that will be the last time and stick to it. But what will I do if my daughter says that to me.

Casdon Thu 09-Feb-23 12:07:40

I don’t think strengths and weaknesses really applies with using technology, because all young children, whatever their abilities pick up complex IT skills easily. It’s more about your willingness to be taught and your willingness to practice and make use of what you’ve learnt.
I print off the help page when I don’t know how to do something I don’t do frequently, because I find that easier than flipping screens while I’m trying to sort out the issue. Having to ask somebody else is not what I want - and you become a nuisance if you ask for help all the time for things you have already been shown how to do.
For anybody 75 or under in particular, and anybody else who wants to retain their independence, we just have to put our big girl pants on and get on with it, whether we want to or not, or we will be left behind, unable to carry out the simplest transactions - and it won’t be long.

Keekaboo Thu 09-Feb-23 12:16:27

Oh no you’re not being unrealistic I’m 68 and I feel the same as you. None of my friends can even send an email. One in particular can’t even operate her television remote properly she’s scared to incase she messes it up!
I have on many occasions worked through how to do things with them writing down each and every step like an idiots guide but they still don’t do it so now I’ve given up because you know what if they were that interested they would do it or at least try it. But they are really not I’ve asked them so it was a waste of time. Very frustrating for me because I love technology and embrace it. Hey ho

dizzygran Thu 09-Feb-23 12:29:20

I'm mostly fine with IT but hate on line banking and parking when you are forced to pay by card - sometimes in dark car parks when you struggle to read the board and have to phone a number that doesn't pick up. I'm no good with apps either.. Life's too short to worry about computers

oodles Thu 09-Feb-23 12:34:24

My late mum couldn't manage everything on her tablet/pc towards the end in her 90s, that was mainly eyesight problems, she had learned to email, Skype friends abroad, do lots of things
Dad left it to her as he had poor eyesight much sooner
Sometimes it is like my ex. A scientist with a very technical job, but it was always me who had to be the techie sorting out It problems, that was to far bow him. Couldn't use the washer, he hadn't had the training course, if ever he did use it he would make sure that he mucked it up, couldn't set the radio alarm, again not been on the course nor the coffee machine that had a timer on it. Well I'd not been on a y courses either, it can be a way of refusing to do a household job.
I know the occasional older person who has no technology but I know people in care homes who are on Facebook etc

Growing0ldDisgracefully Thu 09-Feb-23 12:45:33

Part of my job years ago was as IT trainer and I was perfectly happy with using and teaching systems I knew how to use and did on a daily basis. Nowadays, apart from buying stuff on ebay and Amazon, I am truly scared of online stuff. I don't have a laptop etc, only my 2nd hand phone (the battery for which dies after about an hour), break out in a cold sweat if I have to get into all the password, user name maze, and drop down list options which don't cover what I need to deal with. It is not unwillingness, it is actual fear. My son is an IT tech, but if I ask him to walk me through a particular task, he rushes through with great impatience so I never get any further with my understanding of what I am doing. I too do not use the over complicated TV menu system but not bothered about that as I'm not a TV watcher and have more interesting things to do. I also prefer a physical CD for music rather than asking Google or Alex, as that invariably strays away from the artist or group I want to hear.
So, although I acknowledge the frustration some of you are expressing about non IT users, some of us are just downright afraid, unable to keep up with the huge progress of IT in recent years, and who just don't get it.

Sawsage2 Thu 09-Feb-23 12:50:32

I'd get them to write simple step by step instructions down on a piece of paper 1,2,3 etc and use a ruler to go down the page. People give up too quickly.

Bellocchild Thu 09-Feb-23 13:07:06

What was always particularly annoying was the superior stare and wave of the hand, "Oh, I don't bother with all that!"

Granmarderby10 Thu 09-Feb-23 13:11:56

Doodledog the libraries themselves may not exist for much longer in some areas at least.☹️

Gabrielle56 Thu 09-Feb-23 13:12:11

Yeah do them a "to do" step by step for Their equipment, btw why are you doing this for them?
We're 66&69 and have used pc at home since late 90s and I've work d with tech since 70 s! So no stranger to anything nowadays .
I'm often nonplussed when those younger than me act like complete cavemen/cavewomen?! With the simplest of takes like printing a document or sending an email! I wonder if they've been living under a rock?!
Some refuse through fear so I'd leave them to it......with your list of course.

Granmarderby10 Thu 09-Feb-23 13:14:40

I used to think that one could actually break the internet just by pressing a wrong button😆

icanhandthemback Thu 09-Feb-23 13:14:51

I only get cross when somebody won't engage with things like buying off the internet or online banking because they are scared of fraud but will happily let me do things for them. the hypocrisy of it!

mokryna Thu 09-Feb-23 13:16:27

Children pick IT quickly because if they press the wrong button it is not them who pay to right the problem.
We ‘the payers’ are more hesitant because have to pay for our mistakes. Banks do not cover for the mistake of a wrongful fat finger. With this threat hanging over me stresses me to the limit.

Gabrielle56 Thu 09-Feb-23 13:23:38

Tooyoungytobeagrandma

You don't have to trail into town with a cheque. You can now scan it with your phone and do it on your online banking app. It's great, unless it doesn't work, but that's only happened once for me, thank goodness. Online banking all the way for me, saves me getting cross in the branch when do few staff to "serve" but lots trying to get you to "do it online" in the branch!!

Aaargh! I was accosted once when needing to pay some cash in and transfer to another account, bit messy! A woman with a tablet blocked my way (!?) And asked me what my business was today? I said " my business!" Trying to side step her, nope! She again blocked my advance and asked if I knew about paying in and banking online with their machines ? I asked her why was she asking me that? This went on and I was close to walking out(or worse ) I eventually managed to make a break for the lectures(no more security counters? And dragged out the £8k in cash I had to bank , asking for a private room to say what indeed them to do with it! Everyone looked as if they'd faint! Finally a mature clerk took control , took me into a side office apologised counted the cash and followed my instructions ! Whew!! I left and called the rottweiler over, saying quietly " don't ever block my way in again " and gave her " the look" she just blinked at me! Never been in since......bunch of amateurs......

Willow65 Thu 09-Feb-23 13:26:31

Yes! V easy to do….I learnt how to pay cheque in with my banking app last week 🎉

MRGUDER Thu 09-Feb-23 13:29:21

For those of you that may be housebound and unable to read your meter (NOT those who expect Energy Companies to do it for you) ALL Energy Companies have a Priority Register that you can get your name added to and they will schedule a meter reading visit for you. Possibly once or twice a year.
You can also request a Smart Meter which automatically sends readings to your Energy Company.

Keffie12 Thu 09-Feb-23 13:31:31

I was bought up with the www. By my youngsters, kicking and screaming. Two are in extremely well paid successful careers with it.

They would show me twice. After that I had to figure it out. Google it they said: don't click links within websites unless they are w
Windows, Microsoft or the like.

I taught myself. I can do the majority now. Even repairs and resets etc. I won't touch the inside though. That goes to the repair shop which aa yet it never has had too.

Talk them through doing it themselves next time, getting them to write down what they are supposed to do is the best way making it clear they must become independent.

If they can read, they can follow instructions. Two sayings I have

1/ God couldn't be everywhere so God gave us Google

2/ Sponsored by Google

Good luck

Sloegin Thu 09-Feb-23 13:35:44

I have generally kept up with new technology and my husband,81 taught maths and IT so still generally up to speed but recently we had a new central heating timer installed which has had me in tears of frustration and even my husband thinks it's ridiculously complicated. The instructions are inadequate and even on line videos don't make it clear. I've discovered were not alone in finding it confusing. We're having it replaced tomorrow!