Role of Godchildren

You do not say whether her husband is still alive. I would have thought he'd be the first port of call to look after her. Besides she has a large family of nephew's and nieces. Tell your daughter what she said but also make sure she takes it with a pinch of salt and laugh it off. She's under no obligation whatsoever!! Ignore the comment and retain the friendship.

Just ignore this.
She is hoping you will mention it to your daughter. Pretty sure she won’t.
When anyone starts talking to me about my grown up sons. I say that’s between you and them as they are adults now. Call her bluff and frankly I would reduce contact but that’s your choice.
Your daughter bless her has enough going on.
Also you are grieving and need kind friends around you not this. So sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hug.

Well, to not have children to spite her mother in law says it all.

She sounds very selfish.

Godchildren don’t have a role!

Times change, things change, people change. The best friends I had all fell away when I became a full time carer, friendships of 40 years etc. Everything has a time limit. Enjoy your daughter and grandchild, allow yourself to grieve for your husband and leave 'your friend' to her choices. Life is too short. You are not responsible for her life nor should she be using her will as leverage - very manipulative.

As you have pointed out quite rightly in your post - that is the rôle of Godparent and it doesn't entail a small baby or child promising to look after the Godparent in old age

In exchange for worldly goods too!

not to do with the OP however.

It's absolutely to do with the OP.
This friend des not appear to know what the rôle of Godmother is at all.

As you have pointed out quite rightly in your post - that is the rôle of Godparent and it doesn't entail a small baby or child promising to look after the Godparent in old age.

When that child becomes an adult (or even before them) a good Godparent will not keep badgering that child to follow any faith if that is what the child, now adult, does not believe.

Isummer. Yes, that is what you need to do. It sounds like this is not your friend’s normal behaviour.
So sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. 💐

Callistemon21

The role of Godparent is a spiritual one; they promise to look after the spiritual welfare of the child.

This person thinks it should be a totally different relationship.

Spiritual is one thing. And it depends on denomination- but it is very specific, which is why I would never make those promises

''Help them to learn more about the Christian faith, through
their church and in other ways. Go to church with her/him,
talk about what Scripture teaches us, and help them to
pray.
During the baptism Godparents say some very
important things, making promises that will last a
lifetime. You will promise to care for them, help them
take their place within the life and worship of the
Church; to turn away from all things that are not God-
like and by your life to model for your Godchild how to
turn toward Jesus and to follow him unreservedly; to
assist your Godchild’s parents in raising her/him in the
Church.''

not to do with the OP however.

So sad for your loss. It's not the role of godchildren to have any responsibility for godparents. I've never heard of it anyway. I think your friend is misguided. I don't think that our children, grandchildren or godchildren owe us anything whatsoever. It's lovely if they care of course but never obligatory.

Sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. Your daughter is also grieving and doesn’t need any added pressure.

None of us can or should expect our children to care for us in old age. We are fortunate that most families care for each other throughout life.

You may be right in wondering if your friend is entirely well. Best of luck with this

The role of Godparent is a spiritual one; they promise to look after the spiritual welfare of the child.

This person thinks it should be a totally different relationship.

Oh my goodness she would have been a highly unsuitable parent and made the right choice.

I think if she says this to your daughter I wouldn't blame you at all for distancing this relationship.

People care for each other out of love not obligation and they can't sacrifice thir own lives to do it. She sounds very entitled

I’m sorry for your loss 1summer. A difficult time for you. I hope the conversation with your friend can stay friendly.

We’ve one goddaughter, now over 50. There was little contact for years, now almost daily since her Mum experienced a brain bleed a few years ago. She is estranged from her Dad and we’ve become surrogate parents. We try to support her from a distance, she’s 200 miles from us, there is absolutely no expectation or desire she will care for us.

So sorry for the loss of your husband 1summer

I agree with momb as well, godparents promise to care for the children not vice versa.

I decided my job as Godparent was done when my Godchild said she definitely did not want to be confirmed.
However, she is still one of my favourite people. 🙂

GagaJo

I think being a godparent is a bit like being a teacher. You see it as a one way giving relationship and it is a huge bonus if you get anything back.

How you explain this to your friend I'm not sure!

Something I have always refused to do, as I am not religious. The promises made in Church are very specific and request your faithful religious input- which I refuse to do with my fingers crossed behind my back (same for our marriage, and eventually, my funeral). So not quite like a teacher- but yes, it is a one-way thing.

I have several earthlings I'd be prepared to help in any circumstances.

It could be the start of dementia , repeating things and anxiety is common.
She might be frightened of her future, or just joking a bit, so have a gentle word when you see her. Her numerous nieces and nephews are closer as family and would hopefully take interest in their aunt and uncle.

Don’t even know who mine are 😂 ( were probably )

Thank you all for you advise. I have always wondered if her MIL was the real reason for no children but hard to ask. She did care for her MIL until she went into a home she died recently aged 99.
I think I will talk to her and ask was she joking, say that my daughter never expects to be a beneficiary and we both would be very hurt if she thinks she should be her carer and that I don’t expect my daughter to be my carer - although she knows my daughter is very fond of her.
I thought it was a strange she said this as she is usually a very generous and kind person. I am wondering if this is a start of dementia as her conversations are very repetitive and she said she gets anxious leaving the house.
I hope I can resolve this as we have been friends for a long time and I would be sad to lose her.
I will let you know how it goes, will see her on Friday.

MerylStreep

The clue was there when she told you the reason she didn’t have children. Nothing should have come as a surprise after that revelation.

That could have been bravado on her part, though, if perhaps they were unable to have children.

People did make strange excuses years ago which was sad.

mumofmadboys

Godparents made the promises ,not the other way round. Of course it is lovely if godchildren are kind and caring towards their godparents as they age but there should be no obligation. I hope your friend says nothing to your DD.

Yes, the promises are made in church to the Godchildren by the Godparents.

"I'll cut them out of my will unless they come to look after me" sounds like blackmail unless it was a joke.

My DC do keep in occasional touch with their Godparents but that is because they love them, not because they feel obliged and wouldn't be expected to look after them in their old age!
It's lovely if Godchildren have a good relationship with Godparents but there should be no obligation, nor on the part of the Godparents either after the child is old enough to be confirmed or decide they are not interested in religion.

I am sorry about the loss of your husband, lsummer

I can’t stand people that use their will to get what they want. If she were a nicer person she would have a better relationship with people and they would willingly look after her.

The godchildren did not have a say in who their godparents are, I would tell your daughter what she has said to prepare her in case your friend does say anything.

You do not need friends like this.

Your friend needs putting straight in the nicest possible way! She has this entirely wrong. If she does speak to your daughter and your daughter is upset please show her these sensible posts on GN . You might like to show them to your friend too! The whole thing is ridiculous!!

The clue was there when she told you the reason she didn’t have children. Nothing should have come as a surprise after that revelation.