Being invited to an acquaintance’s house for a meal

Why are you angry at her? X

Dinner is a bit over the top but you've agreed now. She sounds so lonely. Hopefully you'll get on and feel glad you went.

I too would go for the meal, for the first time. You’ll be able to gage how it progresses, then use your judgment for future engagements.

When you say you “knew her vaguely many years ago”… think about how and where you actually met. Was it through other acquaintances, a social event, as a work colleague, book club…?

A good ice-breaker would be to talk about the initial meeting. Then you can talk about what has happened (to each of you) over the years, and other mutual friends, situations. I’m almost positive you won’t lack conversation.

That’s how friendships often start. You’ll get a feeling after the meal, one way or the other.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

I think you have to go. However I understand how you feel, think I’d feel same.
I think you need to have an answer ready as she’s possibly going to try and arrange another date when you leave. So be prepared with an answer something along the lines are “ oh that’s lovely but my life’s fairly busy so I’ll have to get back to you on that one”. Let us know

Mrsemmapeel, I hope you will accept the invitation from your acquaintance. In truth, I do think that it is a sort of duty to visit or be with the lonely from time to time.
Like Maw, I've had a huge amount of support from friends and neighbours, also other widows. They all say, just ring if you want some company. But in fact I feel diffident about contacting them, particularly at the weekend when they may have family arrangements.
I think this lady has been rather brave contacting you and risking rejection. People don't like to feel needy. I'm with
M0nica and LuckyGirl on this

Has OP been back with any comments on the responses she has received? Or to clarify whether it is lunch, supper or a full blown dinner (dinner party) ?
Or is this going to be one of those threads?

A less tense situation would be to go out for a meal (lunch?) together instead. Or if you do go to her house and are not enjoying the evening, have a friend on standby to ring you with an excuse to leave - an "emergency" which you have to attend to immediately. Good luck. Think positive. Might not be as bad as you fear

Oh for goodness sake. Stop bellyaching. Be gracious and go. Friends are just strangers we do not yet know. One day you might feel lonely and just hope for an invitation like this one. Be grateful

Indeed so!

I have a wonderful get out. I just tell people Im a non driver with mobility issues. Works a treat.

It’s looking as if you could be right, Maw. (Ref your post 6 March), with your suspicion.

Sadly - being charitable - when some OPs get replies they don’t like, they vote with their feet.
Or perhaps OP just needed to rant.
Or perhaps the third option.
Either way I don’t expect we’ll hear from her again!

MawtheMerrier and Ziplock - yes I am here, reading all the replies. The majority are harsh and passive-aggressive, but there are some people on here who ‘get’ the problem.

I already know this person so know that we have little in common and I don’t see that would changed in the interim.
I am time-poor because I work, belong to many clubs and go to various events.
I don’t have a partner myself but don’t consider myself to be lonely, probably because of doing all the above.

The invite is for an evening meal at her house, just me and her. Problems that I see arising from that is that I would feel obligated to reciprocate and I don’t want to dig myself into an even deeper hole. Thank you to the responders who have made helpful suggestions in that regard.

I didn’t mention in my original post - but some responders have alluded to this in their experiences- she is a person who always wants something, eg wanting lifts as she doesn’t drive, wanting her computer fixing, etc. and instead of going through the normal channels to obtain these things, she cadges off others, so I will probably have to be fending off these requests too.

Op

I get it, and your update screams "run" loud and clear

You can change your mind in plans you already made

You can choose not to go to her house

You update sheds light on your op. It might have been better to say that in your OP, then you wouldn't have got messages you considered harsh or passive aggressive. You can either:
1. Go and hate every minute
2. Go but be prepared to fend off requests
3. Don't go

Your latest post indicates this lady is a bit of a "user" and you are in danger of being reeled in. At least, for you, forewarned is forearmed!
If you decide to keep the dinner date I don't think you need to worry about reciprocating. Perhaps you could arrive with some flowers or chocolates by way of a thank you and draw a line under it.
It sounds like this relationship is already getting on your nerves.
You have very good reasons for not wanting to let it take up more of your time. Good luck.

You clearly don't like this person so I think you'd be doing her a favour by cancelling your acceptance..

Why not suggest meeting at a restaurant or similar for lunch. That way you will be able to bring it to a close to suit you. I think I’d be slightly reluctant to go to a persons house that I don’t really know. I’d want to be sure I wasn’t making a mistake. Recently, I met a lady in a similar circumstances who I went for coffee and cake with. She now wants to meet up with husbands for foursome meals. I know it won’t work as, having met the husband, he is quite arrogant, very unlike my DH and they won’t hit it off. Its easy to get into situations then find it’s becomes one that gets very tricky.

If you go you will be prolonging the inevitable, best to say you can’t make it, and if asked again just say ‘thank you for asking but at this moment in time I am unable to commit to social plans. Best wishes

Forsythia has said what I was thinking. Suggest you go out to a cafe for lunch instead.

If she’s one who always wants something or cadges, as you say, then offer to pay at the end with the suggestion that she pays ‘next time’. That should do the trick!

If you knew her vaguely many years ago how do you know she cadges off others ?

I would contact her now saying that her invitation has been playing on your mind as you know that you will not be able to fit it in as you have a very full life and should not have accepted. Hopefully, you can do this by text.

Well, thank you for coming back, Mrsemmapeel10, and sorry for assuming that you were one of those posters who post once, receive lots of replies but never respond.

I’m a little confused as to how you know that she’s a bit of a cadger and user if you haven’t heard from her for so long and then only knew her vaguely- was she like this then, or intimated these things when you recently met for coffee? If she is like this, I can understand your reticence about going for the meal and continuing the friendship.

I suppose you have two options really:

1. cancel the arrangement to go for the meal, without going into detail why but perhaps have ready an excuse that something unexpected has come up relating to a work/social event that is going to be taking up your time for the foreseeable and be non committal about re-arranging if she becomes persistent. Just say, if she persists, that you can’t make any plans.

2. Go along to the meal, take flowers as suggested, but commit to nothing regarding going forward, just keep it very vague.

I think, though, that as you really feel very uncomfortable about going, then you should take option 1.

Good luck.

You have accepted the invitation so it would be bad manners to withdraw.
But as you seem to know all about this woman, despite not having been in contact for a long time, forewarned is forearmed, and you will have your excuses ready for no further involvement.