How to deal with bald rudeness in grandchildren.

I haven't reported anything

But that comment breaks guidelines too Yammy

I'm just a person, and not a bad one, stop creating monsters

rafichagran

VioletSky

I'm afraid the days of a stern telling off are gone

The days of giving respect to get respect are here

Disagree, my children would never have been so disrespectful. If they did not like something fair enough, but they would still have said thankyou to their Grandma.
If my children had behaved in such a disrespectful way, they would have really been told off,them asked to apologise to Grandma. I am sick of people pandering to brattish behaviour.

I agree rafichagran and I'm waiting to see if someone reports me for agreeing and gets my post deleted like my others. When many others say exactly the same thing.
I think I am being trolled. Beware, everyone.

VioletSky

Smileless as ever I am happy to talk to the OP not those speaking for them

Thank you

I’m sorry, but I find that response rude.

Debbi58

We've always taken the grandkids out to choose their birthday gifts. The toy shop when they were younger, now they are 11 and 13 it's Primark or New look . Always get lots of hugs and thank you's , we are close though. They are my daughters children and we are the only grandparents

This works really well doesn't it

Hithere

Yammy

That is a personal attack

What is?

I haven't been at all hard on the OP

I've asked a couple of questions and given some advice

I haven't made any personal comments against anyone on this thread and I would not trust those who do to give advice on important relationships though

Aww this was sad to read OP. I agree with the above poster, imaround in that it sounds like a ‘parenting’ problem. I’d definitely speak with the parent and share how this felt.

It is targetted at you, VS because no-one else has been so hard on the OP - almost as though you had personal experience of her "distance" It was your post that was condemnatory of the Op for being "distant" after only a few other replies, and ignoring one sentence in her post "Yes, she is a teenager, but it goes beyond that."

You are not being specially chosen for criticism, you are being reminded not to interpret another person's story purely in terms of what you imagine it to be all about - the shortcomings of the poster - or what it would be about if the child were you.

If one of ny teens did something like this, I would be all over them.

My MIL is distant from my children ( her choice to not know them personally). She sends them gifts every birthday that are never appropriate, because she doesn't know them. I still parent them to know that acknowledging a gift is what to do. And they would NEVER return a gift.

This sounds like a parenting problem, not a "teen" problem.

So my answer is to contact my own child (the parent) and let them know that there will be no gifts going forward due to this behavior and let them deal with the teens.

We've always taken the grandkids out to choose their birthday gifts. The toy shop when they were younger, now they are 11 and 13 it's Primark or New look . Always get lots of hugs and thank you's , we are close though. They are my daughters children and we are the only grandparents

Very good post @ 18.39 Elegran

What is NOT helpful to the grandmother, or anyone else in the family, is to assume a hectoring tone which instantly puts the poster in the wrong and elevates the child to seem a victim of a cold uncaring grandmother - a professional counsellor would not do that.

I can't see GM rushing to chat with someone who casts them as the villain of the piece.

I think it's best to carry on giving gifts and ignore the rude behaviour. Hopefully they will learn good manners in the future but don't make it your job to teach them as you may jeopardise your relationship. If the family give you gifts you can say thank you in their hearing without making a big thing of it.

Cool

I'd advise not talking to me then, I won't mind

Now can we stop turning innocent OPs threads into arguments and let people give their own advice and move on?

I'm not styling myself as an expert on anything though and im not defending rude behaviour

That's very much how you're coming across though.

VioletSky

I'm afraid the days of a stern telling off are gone

The days of giving respect to get respect are here

Disagree, my children would never have been so disrespectful. If they did not like something fair enough, but they would still have said thankyou to their Grandma.
If my children had behaved in such a disrespectful way, they would have really been told off,them asked to apologise to Grandma. I am sick of people pandering to brattish behaviour.

It's always the same names on every thread

When it is targeted at me even though othets are saying the same thing it certainly feels personal

Im just trying to help OP though, these relationships matter and when they are damaged it's so hard to come back.

I'm not styling myself as an expert on anything though and im not defending rude behaviour. I just know one fundamental truth, we cannot change others, only ourselves yet sometimes changing ourselves has a positive outcome with others

Also teens are teens lol

An alternative way of giving broadly similar advice to a grandmother who is hurt that her gifts have either been rejected outright and returned, or just not acknowledged might have been to suggest that they look back over their relationship with the child and IF (a little word but with great power) if they conclude that they don't see enough of the child to know what would please them, to make a point of meeting them as often as possible, chatting about their life, asking what their hobbies are and so on.

There are more IFs - if the child lives near enough to meet up with, if the attitude of the parents to the grandparents is good and they are willing to take the trouble to bring them, not to mention other factors which are relevant to the lives of all the characters in the scenario.

What is NOT helpful to the grandmother, or anyone else in the family, is to assume a hectoring tone which instantly puts the poster in the wrong and elevates the child to seem a victim of a cold uncaring grandmother - a professional counsellor would not do that.

I can't see GM rushing to chat with someone who casts them as the villain of the piece.

Yammy

That is a personal attack

I'm afraid the days of a stern telling off are gone

Pity because that's what these kids need.

The days of giving respect to get respect are here.

Like showing basic good manners in acknowledging a gift do you mean?

Anyway, my advice is my advice, I don't care who agrees, I have good relationships with my children doing things my way.

I would hope this would include them having the good manners to say thank you for any gifts they receive.

OP, send them nothing more, they don't deserve anything.

I have two sets of gran kids two sons. One always acknowledges presents the other doesn’t it’s awful and very rude. The two that don’t respond are spoilt rotten.

I'm not interesting in debating my advice

Clear easy to understand communication

You do you and ill do me

Personally I avoid this situation by saying "I have the receipt, if it doesn't suit let me know and I will take you for lunch and we will get you something else"

I haven't bought my children clothes as gifts for years, lunch, a shopping trip and quality time together

Sad story. I cannot understand how the parents would go along with the rudeness.
I think I would be thinking twice about future gifts.

VioletSky

Smileless2012

You're assuming that the relationship is distant VS despite nothing to suggest that that is the case.

I'm saying OP doesn't know what their grandchildren like, that's distance

I am happy to chat to OP about that

Have a nice day

Well they may not live next door or round the corner either.

Agent007- how did they return the presents? Personally on a visit, or by post, or ???

I am very grateful that my ACs have taught GCs that they have to thank for presents in a proper message, or on FaceTime, etc. but yes, I do find out from them what they would like and how I can contribute if too expensive, etc.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Wasn't aware there was a problem VS. Posters respond to the OP and to other posters responses it's how GN works.