Separate bedrooms

I wasn’t keen at first but wouldn’t share a bed/bedroom again. If we do go away together (not often) we have twin beds, but if we are staying with friends we are happy with a double for a night or two. Our sleeping arrangements aren’t broadcast!?. Holidays aren’t a problem as we holiday separately too.

Have a twin room when going away.

I’m 52 and my husband is 60. Separate bedrooms for the last 11 years due to OH snoring and fidgeting, and me being such a light sleeper, has saved our marriage.
I was having to have naps in the afternoon, driving to work while feeling so tired was dangerous, and my mental and physical health was suffering. I couldn’t go on like that.
The day my son moved out was the first day I’d had a good night’s sleep for years. OH didn’t really like it at first but begrudgingly accepted that he slept better, too, without being prodded in the ribs every night!
We tend to holiday in cottages and have separate bedrooms while there. The only time we share a room is when we’re camping, when for some reason OH rarely snores.
So, do what’s right for you. It’s nobody else’s business.

Marthjolly1

Bellanonna Bluebell don't worry- He scuttled off realising he'd overstepped when I gave him shortshrift

Oh I’m relieved to hear that Marthajolly

We have had separate rooms since hubby had an op & needed more room in the bed! He likes the blinds open & I like it pitch black. He also has a noisy sleep apnoea machine so suits me fine. He also lokes to read his kindle in bed & even that small light disturbs me. We have a great marriage & do sleep together sometimes for cuddles!!

I did find that when I hit the perimenopause, I developed much higher levels of anxiety
which affected my sleep, having always been a light sleeper. I found I could not sleep with my ex husband's snoring levels and needed to sleep in the spare room to get some sleep. He did not like this and while I think it was my anxiety that magnified the loudness, it was the fact that he wouldn't accept he was a snorer that caused an underlying problem. I think you can now get an app that monitors snoring levels, which may have been helpful as it but useful in diagnosing conditions like sleep apnea. He has since lost a lot of weight, which although he was not significantly overweight, has reduced his snoring levels, but too late to save the marriage, but the marriage fell apart for many more reasons than just snoring.

We have two king single beds with one king size sheet cover
So separate beds, with separate remotes (they move lol ) etc
Husband and I tried sleeping apart after his brain surgery and there were issues sleeping together.
After 18 months I got very grumpy and said enough is enough and we have the aforementioned king singles together.
As it isn't technically the same bed , the movement of one doesn't disturb the other. Husband can sleep through almost anything and I do pretty well with sleeping pills. I actually found it quite lonely as we waffle a lot at night
Mind you he does have his "own room " no bed ....ooohhh we have separate bathrooms as well. He has the ensuite in the other room and I have the main one.

Yes, we have slept apart for over 20 years and we both get a better night sleep because of it. Ultimately, you have to do what suits YOU.

Not separate bedrooms for us but about 10 years ago we bought a SuperKing size bed.
Best purchase ever.

Very happy sleeping together but separate bathrooms are a joy!

For the short time I was married one of the things I hated most was not having my own space in bed. One of the reasons I have never re-married. There have to be some consolations to being single.

BlueBelle

*When he realised he came in and demanded I get back into bed*
This I would find very concerning no man whether ‘frightened’ lonely, or whatever should be demanding where you sleep !!!

My thoughts, too.

I'd never make such demands on my OH, so wouldn't accept such from him. Too controlling.

We have had our own bedrooms for years . DH is a bad sleeper and likes to listen to the radio in the night . He is up early while I rise later . I hate going on holiday and having to share a room again as I am forced to get up far too early for my liking and DH's toilet visits waken me up . We really should go self catering with a two bedroom house . I was complaing about this to my DD and her friend saying this sharing a room was terrible . The look on DD's friend's face was a picture. Eventually she asked " Who were you sharing with ? "

I moved into the spare bedroom when I retired but Mr A was still getting up at 5 am. I also had a bad cough at the time that was keeping us both awake. The arrangement stayed, although we do share a bedroom when we want to. (And if we're away.) If I can't sleep I can sit up and watch TV or go and make a cup of tea without keeping Mr A awake. He can read as late as he likes and get up at whatever time he likes.

When I was having chemo I moved into the spare room. We both love it now as we sleep so much better. It has made no difference to our relationship. We love each other just as much but not in the middle of the night!

I would miss my husband I really would. I can’t sleep properly when he’s not beside me daft but it’s true. Love it/when he gets up before me in a morning I spread out and enjoy the space! Daft!

kittylester

Fleurpepper

Not easy to accommodate visiting couples who won't sleep in same room however.

We never ask to have our own rooms. That would be extreme.

It's not that we don't like each other - we just sleep better apart.

Yes indeed, same here. If we go on holiday, for example, we'd never book separate rooms - one of us would just wear really good earplugs!

Oh I get- but I know some people who do.

Fleurpepper

Not easy to accommodate visiting couples who won't sleep in same room however.

We never ask to have our own rooms. That would be extreme.

It's not that we don't like each other - we just sleep better apart.

Perhaps one thing not mentioned in having ones own space but still loving/close, is that if one of you is having a v bad time you go into the other's for comfort/support.

I've talked this over with women friends over the years and a couple specifically said, oh, how nice to have your own space, but my husband wouldn't like it.

Not easy to accommodate visiting couples who won't sleep in same room however.

Don’t worry about what others think about you being in separate bedrooms lippyqueen you do what you feel is right for you! I wouldn’t be bothered how others sleep, we don’t have separate bedrooms and have been together for 40 years my Dh snores and to be honest the only time I’ve known he does is the very rare occasion I’ve woken up to go to the toilet, so it doesn’t bother me, lots of people sleep separately for lots of reasons.

Bellanonna Bluebell don't worry- He scuttled off realising he'd overstepped when I gave him shortshrift

We have had separate room for years due to DH’s health problems and now love having our own space. We have twin beds on holiday and just make it work. If anything I’d say our relationship is better as we’re both getting a decent amount of sleep. Till recently (health problems again) DH brought me tea or even breakfast in bed everyday!

We've slept in separate rooms for years now because one of us (ahem!) has a snoring issue! What works for you is what matters and is no-one else's business but yours.