American visitor

No, US people are not cave people, she just lacks boundaries and OP gives mixed signals

I wouldn't use anybody's make up or creams - it is too personal and is already contaminated/not hygienic

I have an American branch of the family and I can assure you none of them would behave in this way. I find your comment insulting Bella23

I wouldn’t be inviting this person again Stillwaters

An encroaching unpleasant woman.

Tell her politely that in this country, we do not rootle through peoples belongings, or use their personal products, without the owners consent.

If she doesn't take any notice, tell her politely to go home.

This is not normal in the USA where people are quick to say "dont mess with my stuff" so maybe your friend will understand that phrase. When I was working in the USA and lodging with some academics in their "guest house" (actually a separate building separated from the main house by a pool), they always respected my privacy and tiold me if they needed to go into the building for any reason.

People have different understanding about boundaries but Ive always found you can be pretty forthright with most Americans without fear of offending them.

FlexibleFriend

I think you're being very accommodating by saying she doesn't know how to use things so she took a big scoop, she's 72 not 7. She's taking the piss and it's not acceptable. Don't be surprised if when she leaves some of your stuff disappears too.

I do hope not, but who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

lyleLyle

Bella23

The difference between an American upbringing and a British one. Just tell her your boundaries in a pleasant but firm way just like we do our children and GC.

You’ve had an American upbringing to know the difference? Or are you just a bigot?

Basic manners tend to be universal. Let me happily burst your snobby little bubble and inform you that British people don’t own the concept of being polite. Your false sense of superiority is laughed and pointed at.

Now you are just being rude and disproving your point!

As a teenager I took part in an exchange programme with Louisville, Kentucky and while I came across excellent manners and exquisite Southern politeness, the absence of Please and Thank you took me by surprise.
My exchange partner from a very middle class, educated home would cone into my room and say “Zip me up” - not intended to be at all rude or brusque but even then I was struck by the absence of the magic words!

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I don't know. She has very few friends and has said that her close friend wouldn't mind at all. As I said - I've gently said about boundaries but she's become very aggressive about it. I know that she has some mental and physical problems - she's currently taken to bed with a (largely self inflicted) upset stomach - when she surfaces, I'm going to suggest we move her flight - to tomorrow if possible.
As far as I'm concerned, the friendship is over.

Apologies if I'm not tagging /posting correctly - I'm new to gransnet and still learning.

If she became aggressive, i would be with somebody else when I tell her she needs to leave my home - go to hotel, airbnb, other accommodations

Changing a flight may not be as easy and financially doable for her to be out of your hair today

Hithere

If she became aggressive, i would be with somebody else when I tell her she needs to leave my home - go to hotel, airbnb, other accommodations

Changing a flight may not be as easy and financially doable for her to be out of your hair today

I don't like to kick her out when she's ill, but fortunately the financial side of changing a flight won't be a problem for her.

I've come to realise that there is a strong element of 'knowing the cost of everything and the value of nothing' going on here 😕

Very aggressive about it
Goodness me. I would be most put out.
I share my house with a British woman. We share a front door, hall and stairs but whereas her flat is self-contained my part of the house isn't.
Sometimes I feel she oversteps the boundaries by coming into my sitting room or kitchen and I am thinking of saying please knock first!!
As for using my things, she would always ask me and it might be food or the printer but not makeup or body products. Yuck!
That is so rude of your so called friend
When is she leaving?

I don’t think her nationality comes into this. She’s just a very Ill mannered, dis-respectful individual. I hope you soon have your home back to yourself.

We've now deleted this as it quotes a deleted post.

Lyle wasnt rude

Bella was stereotyping a whole country and got called out

I agree with all who think her nationality is not the issue. I'm in your age group and live in the US in an area that attracts vacationers so have had a LOT of company over the past 35 years. I've never had anyone even approach the rudeness you describe. The closest would be college kids who were polite but thoughtless about picking up.

Most adults understand how to be good guests but this one has made it clear that she doesn't have a natural understanding for boundaries. It's unfortunate that you've been put in a place to explain this. If she's too sensitive to graciously apologize for overstepping and continue on with a pleasant visit, she's really not friend or at least not "guest" material.

Having worked and lived in the U.S.A., I still have a number of good friends there, and I can assure you that the behaviour that you describe is most certainly neither normal nor acceptable there. In fact I'm sure that my friends would be horrified at the suggestion. You need to firmly establish some clear boundaries, and don't play games involving "cold sores" or anything else. You don't need to make things up. Just be open and honest, and if your "friend" reacts badly, do you really need someone like that in your life?

I too have an American DIL, her Mother comes over every Christmas, no way would they do this. If her mum was short of something, she would always ask could I help out.
No this is the exception not the norm.

sukie

I agree with all who think her nationality is not the issue. I'm in your age group and live in the US in an area that attracts vacationers so have had a LOT of company over the past 35 years. I've never had anyone even approach the rudeness you describe. The closest would be college kids who were polite but thoughtless about picking up.

Most adults understand how to be good guests but this one has made it clear that she doesn't have a natural understanding for boundaries. It's unfortunate that you've been put in a place to explain this. If she's too sensitive to graciously apologize for overstepping and continue on with a pleasant visit, she's really not friend or at least not "guest" material.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Hithere

Lyle wasnt rude

Bella was stereotyping a whole country and got called out

Agreed. Rightly called out. Having lived and worked in the States and made many dear friends there, to suggest that such behaviour is cultural is not only wrong, it's insulting. In fact where I worked in Kentucky in the deep South, old-fashioned etiquette and politeness were an art form. We could learn from it.

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Thank you everyone who has responded - I'm reassured that I'm not being unreasonable and I think that we've established that it's not a cultural thing.

She'll be going home ASAP and I've already told her that the friendship is over (she's also accused me of doing/saying various things whilst she's been here, that I haven't, and refuses to accept that I haven't- I knew that she had some mental problems but I didn't expect her to 'turn' on me.

I always used to say to my children that there is no such thing as a bad experience- there's always something to be learned - even if it's "crikey, I never want to do that again!!" Appropriate here I think 😁

@Foxygloves,

That's your experience. A trip to Kentucky does not an expert make. My experience is different. I’ve also come across some very pretentious, snide Brits, but you don’t see me painting a broad brush. There are different types of rudeness, even if one lacks the self-awareness to see it. If you think your anecdotal experience is enough to stereotype a diverse, large nation then I feel sorry for you.

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I’ve also come across some very pretentious, snide Brits, but you don’t see me painting a broad brush.

Don’t we?

Let me happily burst your snobby little bubble and inform you that British people don’t own the concept of being polite. Your false sense of superiority is laughed and pointed at.