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I find the squabbling exhausting, AIBU to refuse

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bytheway Thu 06-Jul-23 18:43:33

My OH has 10 grandchildren, this thread concerns his daughter who has 4, aged 2, 7, 9 and 11.

They live about 40 mins away and we generally only visit once every 3 weeks and stay for a couple of hours which suits me.

I have only 1 GC who lives abroad and whom I tend to visit once or twice a year ( on my own for financial reasons) which I look forward to very much. That’s just background so you can see where I’m coming from.

This concerns the 3 older children of my SD. They have had a lots of strike days at school this years and my OH keeps volunteering to take them out for the day but the truth is he can’t handle all 3 of them alone. So he expects me to go with them.

The problem is there is ALWAYS squabbles and fights and one of them in tears. The older ones tease the younger one and my OH ends up loosing his rag and shouting at them. Every time.

It’s just not enjoyable and I dread him telling me that ‘we’re taking the boys for the day next Wednesday’ and assuming I will be going.

He admits he can’t handle 3 of them alone but can’t just take 2 as then it wouldn’t be fair on the one that couldn’t go (understandably)

He always has a ‘talk’ with them before we leave but it soon descends in to arguments, fights etc..

I would really like to refuse to be involved but feel I can’t.

Any advice gratefully received.

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Lurah Thu 13-Jul-23 03:56:17

Someone needs to chat with the kids mom and tell her the squabbling has to stop when they are with Gpa! Or mom can start taking time off work to watch her kids or hire a sitter. Next time you go make sure you have the house key so the minute the kids misbehave you can take them home and fix canned soup for lunch! Grandparents do not need to be sitters, but should have priority time they want to spend with the grandkids. My own grandchildren have never been yelled at by their parents, so when I raise my voice they cry. One day this will bite their parents back.

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Devorgilla Thu 13-Jul-23 15:27:01

I assume you just have the three older GC and not the four year old. As they are off school because of strike action, why can't you keep them at your home doing some school work for the morning and then take them out for a run around in the afternoon? There are loads of activity books and educational TV programmes they could watch and it would help them keep abreast of school work. Or, you could teach them how to cook/make biscuits/cakes etc. Or your DH, if good at making things, could show them how to fix things in the house or build a model. It sounds to me like they are bored and haven't got the school structure to give them focus.

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