to be fed up with casual ageism?

Personally I enjoy being asked if I would like some help. Not that I'm doddery or anything like it but rather that I have earned the right to be able to step back a bit and let younger people with more energy offer to help

Earlier I went to open the gate for the Tesco delivery and it was jammed in position so that it wouldnt open. I lost my temper, screamed at it. swore and threw my full weight against it to force it open. When the Tesco man arrived I told him about my misadventures and that he might have had to go right around to the side gate. He had a look at it and fixed it. Sometimes Im grateful to have a sturdy young man around when something needs a bit of brute force.

kittylester

It's not being called old that is the problem, it is the prejudice that goes along side it.

How is one to know it is prejudice? Maybe it's just observation and reaction to what is observed. Many old people do need help with stuff. Many don't. But the proportion who do is greater than in the groups that can largely be called middle-aged or young.

Assumptions based on the above are not prejudice in my view, even if in individual cases they are mistaken. We all generalise about everyday stuff. It's a natural way of coping with the world.

At the risk of being bawled out for saying this, I think assumptions of prejudice against one because one is old might be called "age fragility" – an over-sensitivity to people just trying to be helpful or, as often in shops, just doing their job as they've been instructed to do it.

In your case, kitty, perhaps the previous six old people at the self serve checkout you went to had needed help.

Obviously if help is offered with a sneer that's another matter but sneers in Waitrose?¿?¿?

Sainsbury's Nectar prices are available when buying on line so long as your Nectar card is linked.

I use the phone app in Sainsbury’s because I get discounts on things I buy regularly, the Lidl app because it gives me freebies depending on what I spend and the ASDA app, though I rarely shop there (distance).
I’ve lived with being asked, “Would you like a seat or a hand or help?” and being called love, or dear, since I was carrying my babies around, though it does surprise me to be called babe
I’m happy to accept any assistance offered, in the hope that when I do need it, it will still be available.

Kindness is the most important response in the world. If we ‘try’ to respond to what’s said to us, with kindness, despite any irritation we may feel, then we help to make the world a kinder place.

A friendly smile and welcome might mean people would ask.

fancythat How is a "helper" supposed to suss out when help is needed and appreciated, and when it is not?

You ask someone if they need help and if they do not, you leave them alone. At least that is how I do it. Usually people appreciate it, now and again they are rude. Hey ho, that's life

The other day my husband who is 73 stopped to buy a carton of beer and a flask of whine, the guy serving him then asked if he would like a hand carrying it to the car. He wasnt offended, he thought it was funny.

How is a "helper" supposed to suss out when help is needed and appreciated, and when it is not?

I have never experienced this prejudice. Perhaps because I don’t go looking for it. I take life as it comes and am always pleased to hear friendly words and to be offered help even if I don’t need it.

It's not being called old that is the problem, it is the prejudice that goes along side it.

Love, dear, duck, hen, my lover etc are regional terms used for anyone of most ages.

I don't mind any of them.

When people offer a seat, call somebody love, offer help or refer to people as old dears it is not done with malice. They are being kind, I don't need help but accept it with good grace and I quite like being called love, duck or any other friendly terms.

I don't know why people at a certain age object to being called old, we are.

That reminds me of the girl at the Porsche dealership local to our last house - she always phoned to say Mr GSM’s car service had been done, would he like to pay and it would then be delivered? No I will pay as it’s mine thank you. Every time. I think she had a problem with that, sorry to derail.

When I was looking for a new car last year I went into my local independent second hand sales room and was looking in one particular area - I knew what I wanted and was just checking if they had any in.
Salesman rushed over and tried to steer me away saying “this is the prestige section”! Needless to say he got short shrift. If I wanted to buy a top of the range Porsche etc etc then surely it’s up to me. (Didn’t want a Porsche but a particular high spec Audi A3). Went to Arnold Clark and was treated like a regular person. They got my trade and I’ll happily return.

WendyBT

I get annoyed when people offer me a seat on the bus. I want to show them my health tracker to evidence that I've done my 10000 daily steps and am just hopping on the bus to collect the GD from school.

Why do you feel the need to prove your fitness to anyone else? Especially for such a trivial reason.
If someone is trying to be polite/helpful why not just say No thanks, I’m fine?

Wish we had “love-bombing” here! When you need help, seems like no one can be found!

I suspect that “L-B” ambassadors are there to off-set potential shoplifters. Here, we have “secret shoppers” who just roam the aisles with full carts looking for thieves and can radio/text for security. Believe it or not, many shoplifters are older people.

Be happy the stores are trying to apprehend criminals. Shoplifting is the #1 reason your store prices continue to go up!
I used to work retail.
USA Gundy

I was waiting in Waitrose for a friend who was taking her time this week and I asked an assistant why the chair & benches had gone. “ Covid” she answered . I have arthritis & POTS and can’t stand for any length of time. She immediately brought me a chair, very kind. I didn’t much enjoy fielding the stares of shoppers though whose expressions seemed to show they thought I was a heart attack case. I know I’m 80 with white hair, but…

Perhaps the assistant who helped you, kittylester, has just had her latest staff training session ;)!!!

I saw on the BBC news this morning that Waitrose are 'love bombing' their customers, especially those at self-service check outs! Here's an extract I've just found from The Grocer online:

Waitrose is aiming to deter shoplifters with ‘love bombing’.

The supermarket is training staff to be “extra attentive, causing thieves to think twice”, including by asking if help is needed at self-checkouts.

The aim is to make would-be thieves more conscious of shopworkers’ presence and therefore give them fewer opportunities to steal. Waitrose said it also hoped the scheme would be good for customer service levels generally.

Having been trialled it in six stores, and seeing postive results, Waitrose is now rolling the training out across its estate.

The trial had proved particularly effective at countering theft at self-checkouts, for example where shoplifters would fail to scan items, or put them through as cheaper alternatives, Waitrose said.

😡 I hope one of her colleagues pulled her up over it, Annie1

Listening to Iain Dale on LBC as he interviewed a female Junior Doctor about the strike. This woman said that many people affected were “old dears” I could hardly believe that she used that term in such a disparaging way.

Wyllow a young GP kept saying "Aw, bless" to me!

She did get me an urgent appointment with a Consultant though 🙂

"I have no problem with dear/duck/love or similar but do NOT bless me".

A young woman behind the counter at the cafe did the "bless you" thing and I nearly opened my mouth but glad I didn't, as she does it to all ages, its just her way, and she's a lovely young woman.

WendyBT

I get annoyed when people offer me a seat on the bus. I want to show them my health tracker to evidence that I've done my 10000 daily steps and am just hopping on the bus to collect the GD from school.

Funny thing to get annoyed about. I would be pleased that there was somebody well mannered enough to offer me a seat. You might be able to do 10,000 steps but for all they know you could have arthritic knees and be glad of a seat.