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AIBU

to be fed up with casual ageism?

(186 Posts)
kittylester Thu 13-Jul-23 17:01:07

I was in our local, small Waitrose this afternoon. In common with lots of other stores, most of the checkouts have gone and been replaced by self service checkouts. As I entered the area, the hovering assistant said, 'No need to worry, I'll help you!' and proceeded to talk me through each step of the way.

I took great delight in using my phone to pay!!

Seems to be a training need there.

Hetty58 Thu 13-Jul-23 22:27:47

I just get everything delivered - and have done for decades - so, if I do use a shop machine, I might actually need some help. I wouldn't assume that help's offered because of my age, though.

A new neighbour offered to take me shopping, and I said I don't shop.

Grammaretto Thu 13-Jul-23 22:21:45

I go through the self-service at my peril. As soon as I stop for a split second, a helpful assistant is at my side . I wish they would leave me to it and wait to be called for. I suppose they have to do something.

Mamasperspective Thu 13-Jul-23 22:07:02

I get the same and I’m in my early 40s, I think (when free) they are encouraged to help where possible

downtoearth Thu 13-Jul-23 21:21:59

At 70 I might look like an old dear..not in my mind I dont.
I am regularly blessed.
Technology dosent phase meI am quite capable of packing my shopping,and puttin,but thg through a self service till,but thankyou for asking,the offer is appreciated smile

V3ra Thu 13-Jul-23 20:52:29

My Dad moved here from Hampshire when he was 87. One day he walked from his flat to Morrisons, about 15 minutes, and took his rucksack to carry his shopping home.
(It's probably worth saying that he and Mum were always avid Ramblers and hill walkers, so this just made sense to him).

Another customer saw him about to leave the store and was horrified!
She insisted he waited while she bought her few bits of shopping and she drove him home!!
He was tickled pink at how friendly she was 🙂

Callistemon21 Thu 13-Jul-23 20:42:45

toscalily

This person has probably been instructed to stand there and help anyone, busy mum, time poor office worker, older person, younger person, someone whose first language is not English. No doubt all on camera so if they don't help will be pulled up for not doing their job. Just smile and say " I can manage thank you"

And all to ensure that, in a few months' time, her job will disappear and she will be made redundant.

We need to ask for their help even if we don't need it.
Fight for their jobs!

Norah Thu 13-Jul-23 20:26:29

I'm quite happy to have people offer to help me, a polite 'no thank you' typically works to send them off to help others. smile

I know I'm elderly, not offended, glad to be alive.

Deedaa Thu 13-Jul-23 20:12:42

The main thing I'm guilty of is reading about 70 year olds crashing their cars and thinking "Why are they still driving at that age?" Then I remember that I'm 77! I do have a friend who tends to ask me if I'm all right doing things, but she is a whole 6 months older than me!

NotAGran55 Thu 13-Jul-23 20:11:34

I don’t see it as ageism, just good customer service as you would expect in Waitrose.

merlotgran Thu 13-Jul-23 20:10:49

None of it bothers me. I have moved from an area where people were generally quite unfriendly to a coastal town where I reckon everyone wakes up and takes a happy pill. I’ve had offers of help with all sorts of things but I love it when I can stop somebody in their tracks.

My favourite moment so far was turning up at a neighbour’s door with chainsaw in hand after they said they were concerned a branch from their apple tree might be scratching another neighbour’s new summer house. 😂

You can take the girl out of the country…..🤣

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jul-23 20:06:32

Quite. Wise lady your grandmother. She probably had breeding?

M0nica Thu 13-Jul-23 20:05:23

I have no objection to people asking me if I want help, but if I say 'no thank you' I expect them to go away and help someone else, not hover round me ready to interfere at the first sign of the slightest hesitation.

biglouis Thu 13-Jul-23 19:54:16

Or when the taxi driver offers to carry my bag to the door although I can perfectly well manage. I will accept all the help that is offered. My grandmother would probably say that it was the difference between a lady and a woman to accept graciously.

sodapop Thu 13-Jul-23 19:45:18

I just get fed up with ageist terminology.
The Elderly
Oldies
Old Dear

And so on, I am an older woman not some strange ancient species to be patronised.
I definitely don't need "Ah bless you" when I perform a simple task.

Baggs Thu 13-Jul-23 19:43:00

I like self service checkouts. Initially it was because I dislike the rushed feeling I nearly always got at standard checkouts (I'm a careful packer because I mind about stuff not getting squashed, etc).

Then it became a bit of a game. You have to remember these machines are not intelligent so you can get to know their quirks and beat them at their game. There is a bloke working at our supermarket (Co-op) who gets this and laughs with me when I say to the machine woman: "Give me a chance!" or "Do be quiet."

Just think how boring a job "hovering assistant" must be, Kitty! Positively mind-numbing. He/she probably just wanted to feel human again. Plus, for all we know, there may be instructions from on high to offer help readily, like with boutique shop assistants kindly making sure you're alright when you just want to browse and wish she'd go away.

I doubt it's ageism.

Foxygloves Thu 13-Jul-23 19:40:12

Sometimes you have to larf though
I was explaining to an assistant , probably in her 50’s in M&S why I didn’t like driving to the Bletchley store, between ourselves it’s not an area I’m comfortable in sometimes, but in case she lived there and I didn’t want to be rude, I explained it was because of the rather intimidating big roundabouts.
“Oh but you are good, still driving” she gushed.
No doubt kindly meant, but how old did she think I was?
I regularly drive to Birmingham (M1, M6 and A38) London, (M1, M25, M11 then North Circular) And it’s not that many years since I drove to Wilmslow only stopping in Holmes Chapel because I got completely lost.😳
Huh!

kittylester Thu 13-Jul-23 19:38:40

Yep, I do know her!!

dragonfly46 Thu 13-Jul-23 19:32:39

Oh kitty I know exactly what you mean. There is a women in M&S - you probably know her - who rushes up and takes over, often getting it wrong.

AreWeThereYet Thu 13-Jul-23 17:35:20

In Sainsbury last week the woman at the scanner next to us kept leaning over and asking us how to do things. I felt a bit sorry for her because she was obviously having a lot of difficulty. I asked her if I could help and she nearly bit my nose off with a very astringent 'I can manage perfectly well'. We left her to it and for all I know she's still there trying to scan her six items and blaming the machine for not working properly. The day is approaching I think when no one will offer help anymore.

toscalily Thu 13-Jul-23 17:32:25

I'm just as liable to say "mind the step" or something similar to one of my grandchildren smile

Kate1949 Thu 13-Jul-23 17:30:57

True. And she is promoting a book.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jul-23 17:27:51

Given SH’s age I don’t think those are unusual questions, maybe from staff responsible for looking after her who aren’t familiar with her. She’s not exactly your typical 90 year old.

henetha Thu 13-Jul-23 17:25:53

That's ok GSM....😊

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 13-Jul-23 17:24:51

And henetha, sorry to miss you out!

Kate1949 Thu 13-Jul-23 17:24:37

Sheila Hancock was on Loose Women this week. She has written a book about things that annoy her. She is 90. She looks great, is slim and fit looking. She said she is fed up of practically being patted on the head. She said the people from Loose Women asked her if she would be bringing a carer with her and when she was directed out to join the panel she was told "Don't worry, there are no steps.'