Gransnet forums

AIBU

Teach8ng Everyone one needs love, special kids.

(32 Posts)
GramK Sun 16-Jul-23 05:57:47

A cousin with an adult special daughter and grandson sent this and asked me to share.

I would like to expose a situation. If your children (or grandchildren) don’t learn to play with children with special needs at school, maybe you should spend 10 minutes tonight explaining it to them. Because, although they don't currently live with these children at school, they will find them in their lives for sure.
In light of recent events regarding the exclusion of a child with autism from attending a school trip and a child with Down Syndrome being expelled from dance class because she couldn't keep up with it, I feel the need to share this. There are boys and girls that no one invites to birthday parties. There are special children who want to be part of a team but are not selected because it's more important to win than to include these children. Kids with special needs aren't weird, they just want what everyone wants: to be accepted!
Can I ask a question? Is there anyone willing to copy and paste this post on their wall without sharing it, like I did, for all the special children out there?
Please teach your children to be kind to these beautiful children!
Everyone needs love and kindness.

toscalily Sun 16-Jul-23 07:01:02

As the grandparent of an autistic grandchild I totally agree. When you see the happiness and enjoyment of a child who so often is on the outside brought into a group or activity with others it is wonderful. Maybe they won't always be able to keep up quite so well, maybe it has to be for a shorter amount of time before they become overwhelmed but to feel they have been included, and more importantly accepted can make such a difference.

Primrose53 Sun 16-Jul-23 09:10:44

Small children are very accepting which is lovely as are the majority of other parents but often as these children grow up they get quite isolated as teenagers form friendship groups which very rarely include anybody who is a bit different.

When they reach adulthood they can become even more excluded because they are no longer “cute kids” but grown ups who act and sometimes look different. That’s why you often see a middle aged couple walking around with an adult child tagging on.

So it’s not just about teaching your small kids to be kind to kids with special needs but take it on to the next stage and be kind to teens and adults too.

My friend has a daughter with Down’s syndrome who has held down a job for about 15 years but it has come to light recently that another older employee has been bullying her for a couple of years but she didn’t tell anybody. Only various quite serious health problems and anxiety brought this to light. He was close to retirement so now he has gone she is back at work and well again.

FannyCornforth Sun 16-Jul-23 09:25:06

That (not very well written) post is all over FB.

I’m guessing that it originated from the US.

I’ve no idea whether the anecdotes are true, I can’t imagine a child with DS being ‘expelled’ from a dance school in this country.

In my experience of being a teacher of children with SEN, I think that such children are treated and taught better than ever in mainstream schools.

It’s not perfect, but I know that teachers, TAs (in particular) and other school staff work very hard, and inclusivity is always of great importance.

Teachers are well trained in teaching children with SEND, and they have lots and lots of CPD about SEND and inclusivity.

Joseann Sun 16-Jul-23 10:03:30

In light of recent events regarding the exclusion of a child with autism from attending a school trip and a child with Down Syndrome being expelled from dance class
I don't believe this. In a world where Downs Syndrome kids are used as models for H&M, River Island, JoJo Maman, JD Sports etc etc. invclusivity is well highlighted. No one needs to be "taught" this.

FannyCornforth Sun 16-Jul-23 10:09:17

Exactly Joseann
This post is equivalent to spam really

Jaxjacky Sun 16-Jul-23 10:34:24

I did query it Fanny.

toscalily Sun 16-Jul-23 11:09:31

FannyCornforth & Joseann I disagree, it does not hurt to give a gentle reminder to highlight this. What you are describing in regards to schooling, advertising and general life being inclusive is the ideal scenario, perhaps your experience but this is not always the case. For many it is a constant struggle both for the child/teenager/adult and those that care for them.

FannyCornforth Sun 16-Jul-23 11:17:10

toscalily thanks
I know what you mean, sorry.
I’m critical of nature of the original post, not the sentiment.

It’s all about the holistic upbringing of children at home and school.
That’s what the culture of inclusivity is.

It certainly isn’t about ‘taking them to one side’ and telling them to play with the ‘special children’ (sic)

FannyCornforth Sun 16-Jul-23 11:18:39

And the whole thread is reliant on two anecdotes which Joseann Jacky and I query.

Callistemon21 Sun 16-Jul-23 11:20:41

Joseann

^In light of recent events regarding the exclusion of a child with autism from attending a school trip and a child with Down Syndrome being expelled from dance class^
I don't believe this. In a world where Downs Syndrome kids are used as models for H&M, River Island, JoJo Maman, JD Sports etc etc. invclusivity is well highlighted. No one needs to be "taught" this.

And actors in film and TV.

Primrose53 Sun 16-Jul-23 11:30:58

toscalily

FannyCornforth & Joseann I disagree, it does not hurt to give a gentle reminder to highlight this. What you are describing in regards to schooling, advertising and general life being inclusive is the ideal scenario, perhaps your experience but this is not always the case. For many it is a constant struggle both for the child/teenager/adult and those that care for them.

Correct. I mentioned “cute kids” in my earlier post and there is something very endearing about babies with Down’s syndrome so they will get modelling jobs. However, if you have a child who is not so cute and may be dribbling or drooling with physical deformities then other people do shy away. Not pleasant but true.

Last summer I saw a man and woman and a teenage lad with another teenage lad in a wheelchair. All was well then he suddenly started screaming and rocking his wheelchair so fiercely that a few times he nearly fell out. His Dad tried to calm him down but he was biting his Dad’s arms and was having none of it. I asked if I could help and his Dad said it was because it had just started spitting with rain and he had a severe phobia about rain. We righted the wheelchair and he thanked me and by the time his wife and son came out of a shop he was still screaming but the chair was stable.

toscalily Sun 16-Jul-23 11:38:19

It may be American, maybe spam so the message should be ignored? I hope we are moving in the UK towards more understanding but we still have a long way to go. It was the blanket dismissal that "it does not happen here" that I object to.

If a child with special needs is to go on a school trip, join a club or activity they may have to have additional staff/carers or will say no due to real or (supposed) health and safety regulations. With funding as it is now that frequently is not possible therefore they cannot participate.

FannyCornforth Sun 16-Jul-23 11:47:19

I’ve often been one to one with children with SEND in and out of school.

We once had a Roma girl in Y5 who had the mental age of below 3 (this is the absolute truth).

I was one to one with her, along side being the class TA and teaching the class English.
That was a challenge.

And the children were so accepting.
It was an area of great social deprivation.
In my experience children in schools like that are generally more inclusive than many of those in the ‘leafy suburbs’

Galaxy Sun 16-Jul-23 12:04:22

I am afraid that inclusion is not perfect. I am trying to be as vague as possible but my job is working in inclusion in schools. A number of schools make it quite difficult for those with additional needs to attend - lots of reduced timetable stuff going on. I am not really throwing blame at schools, the numbers are considerable and staffing often challenging.

FannyCornforth Sun 16-Jul-23 12:10:24

Are they getting rid of lots of TAs Galaxy?

nanna8 Sun 16-Jul-23 12:12:46

I think the young kids don’t need to ‘learn’ to include children with special needs because they just do, automatically. They are wonderfully accepting until they reach the dreaded teens when being part of a group is seen to be so important and that is when the exclusion seems to start ( if it starts at all ) . Little kids don’t differentiate, they play with anyone that wants them to and we could learn from that,too. Cliques seem to develop a bit later on and by the time we reach adulthood we are ‘experts’ at them.

toscalily Sun 16-Jul-23 12:14:28

Galaxy, that is correct. It is not a blame game, we know how difficult it is for all the reasons you mention and many more but that does not mean we cannot hope and strive for better.

Even if it is from a the US and this is a UK website it is read by many outside of the UK so is still relevant.

Galaxy Sun 16-Jul-23 12:15:32

They seem to be using lots of supply staff, ( they need one to one support in addition to a teacher and TA) who are often handed the responsibility of quite complex children and who disappear often quite understandably after a couple of weeks.
The number of children we are talking per class is considerable, a number of schools are creating seperate provision within the school. I am not sure how that's going to pan out either.

nexus63 Sun 16-Jul-23 12:16:45

this was on facebook during the week and i shared it as i have a 4 yo gs with non verbal autism, he is bright as a button and always smiling but because he can't talk other children in the nursery don't want to play with the (stupid boy). my family has been going through the special needs children for 25 years, my niece has cerebral palsy, autism non verbal and in a wheelchair, my two step-daughters both have autistic children, and now my other niece has recently had her youngest child diagnosed with autism. my son is 37 and i sat him down a week after he started school to explain about his new friends one was the colour of chocolate (sounds racist now) and one was in a wheelchair. at the age of 7 he helped me take the trolley with the sweets, papers etc round the hospital, he always helped people who could not get out of bed, he came to a volunteer group that was all children with downs syndrome, my point to this is please teach children that other children are different but they are still children and adults who are just different but still have feeling and hurt just like anyone else.
thank you for reading

FannyCornforth Sun 16-Jul-23 12:17:11

It is spam though.
It’s a bit like one of those letters that you had to pass on, or something dreadful would happen…

What on earth were they called?
It’s driving me mad trying to think of the name!

Galaxy Sun 16-Jul-23 12:17:39

My job for the last 10 years has been inclusion (my background prior to that is specialist provision) I am absolutely committed to inclusion but the numbers arent something I have seen before.

Galaxy Sun 16-Jul-23 12:18:55

Oh you are probably right FC but it's an interesting subject.

toscalily Sun 16-Jul-23 12:23:52

Fanny does it matter, it has got us talking about the subject which can only be a good thing.

Musicgirl Sun 16-Jul-23 12:25:37

Chain letters, Fanny.