AIBU To Say No

If she had a good credit rating she would not need a guarantor

But no, you never stop worrying about them x

Moonwatcher I acted as guarantor many years ago for my son and his girlfriend. But I knew they wouldn't let me down they where in their early 20's.

My son will be 36 next month and my daughter is 40. You can't switch off being a mom . My mom always worried about me until the dementia killed my mom long before her body died.

Being a parent is a live long committment . My husband died at 47 so I gave our children double love and support . But you bring them up to be adults and have to let them fly and make lives for themselves. But once adults it's up to them how they live their lives. And have to make their way in the world by themselves. My husband and I never had financial help from our parents and worked hard and did without luxuries to buy our first house. I hate the phrase the bank of mom and dad. What we got we did on our own. The way all children should once they become adult. Both my children married when they where 28 . Own their own houses and I have 5 grandson's.

If you want anything in life you have to work for it save and do without to achieve your goal no matter how old you are.

Whiff I'm sorry to hear about your mum and your DH. I never borrowed off my own parents. My younger DD has never asked for anything but she has been with her partner many years and they both have good jobs. My eldest is on her own and only has me. I can't keep funding her and my DH who is only her stepdad says we can't keep helping her. He is right.

Just say no because you are not in a financial position to stand as guarantor.

She is 44, she needs to learn to be an adult.

I've helped my two ACs a lot, although they didn't ask.

But, I would never act as guarantor - for anyone.🙂

She is trying to sort herself out but she knows we are here for her.

Please say no. I said yes to my son and he defaulted and it cost me over £3000 to get out of the situation. I had court summonds and the threat of bailiffs - so I have to pay it.
Please say no! What she does with that no is her business, not yours.

Say NO. I did it for my gd and lived to regret it.

Just be totally honest and make the decision which works for you both, you’ve done your best for your children, just be prepared for the fireworks and I’m sure she’ll get over it.

Can you think of any other practical solutions to help her ?

Good luck x

We acted as guarantor for four years for my daughter away at Uni. She never once let us down and us now back home, with savings and working and building a decent credit rating for when she moves out again. She now almost 26.

Just say no.

GrannyGravy13

If you can afford to lose the money go ahead with being a guarantor if not you have to say no.

This, definitely.

I agreed to be a Guarantor for my daughter and her partner for a rented flat. Relationship at the time was good but, a couple of years later, she became angry with me and stopped contact.
I decided to check my position should a claim be made under the Guarantor agreement.
A that time, I learnt that unless she and her landlord agreed to release me, I could not cancel it.
I had dreadful thoughts that she might run up loads of debt and I might lose my home. Luckily, she and her partner moved to another property.
But the anxiety in the meantime was not good.
I would not recommend going down that route without checking all the “What ifs?"

“AT that time” not “A that time."

Never agree to act as a guarantor without taking legal advice. Even the death of the person whose potential debt you’re underwriting won’t release you if they die without repaying it.

You are absolutely right to say no. I think there are some charities who might be able to help her find a way out - possibly mental health ones. And Citizen's Advice might help too.

As a cautionary tale, many years ago my middle stepson asked me to be a guarantor. Before I could have given it any serious consideration (I would have almost certainly said no tbh) I was made redundant. My relationship with him was not close (unlike his brothers) and I had big reservations. As I was made redundant obviously I could no longer act as a guarantor. Thank goodness. They managed to persuade another family member. Defaulted on the rent. Did not tell the family member and the first thing they knew was when the money went out of their account. I don’t think they ever got the money back. I think you have made the right decision in saying no.

Is your daughter on benefits? This may be the road to go down?

Please say no, we did do this for our DD and lost the money!!, so when DS asked we said no and when told him the reason why he kicked off saying he's not DD blah blah... I felt sorry for DS but no the lesson was learnt for us

Apparently you can get guarantor insurance, heard about it on mumsnet where parents are asked for their student children's accommodation.

Did some googling:

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/how_to_find_landlords_who_accept_benefits

If you can’t afford payments if she don’t pay rent, you aren’t able to be a guarantor. So just tell
Her you don’t have a high enough income to do it. Also if you don’t want to then say no, she sounds like she will fall out with you at some point regardless of saying yes or no… it’s so difficult as our kids get older having to pussy foot around them for fear of them not talking to us or cutting us off… good luck it’s difficult situation

What does Yanbu mean? Excuse my ignorance

JennyCee

What does Yanbu mean? Excuse my ignorance

You Are Not Being Unreasonable

You Are Not Being Unreasonable. I go with Blue Belle on this, if you can't afford to lose it you can't afford the risk, plus the accompanying worry. However, as BB says, finding other ways if supporting her are so worthwhile for you both. Feelings of guilt assuaged, plus real potential to assist her in her quest for an independent and good life. I hope she makes a go of her next steps and that you never feel you should choose sides between your daughter's, you love them both so that's all you need to say.