To feel annoyance that D turns down bargain baby clothes

Lots of people haven’t had a holiday this year or even for the past five or more years. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t holiday every year.

But would you have wanted 38 items at the same time silverlining and to be asked £10 for something you hadn’t chosen
We don’t know what they were like perhaps they were all pink and flowery and the daughter likes plain clothes whatever, they were not her choice and with 38 items she would have needed to use them every day and perhaps wouldn’t have minded half a dozen but 38 is a lot of clothes to not like

I am at a loss because all baby clothes look much the same to me. They grow out of these so fast there is little wear on them and I don’t understand anyone spending a fortune on something that lasts only a few weeks.
My dd was always grateful for second hand clothes fir her children as was I and by being recycled played its part in helping the planet.

I don't think many of us are 'above' utilising second-hand clothes - we just need to like them!

I worked as a cleaner for a woman whose husband was distantly (very distantly) related to the late Queen. They were financially quite comfortable, however they also had four young children and she frequently scoured second-hand shops for clothes for the children (and occasionally for herself) - as she, and others, have said, they grow out of them so quickly, it makes sense to re-circulate and re-distribute.

But the clothes do have to be to your taste.

"Bluebelle" - I never said my parents were 'poor' just that they were not well off. As my father always worked much overtime, and thanks to Council housing back then, they were not 'poor;.' but no way could they have ever have been Bank of Mum and Dad. However, I do remember, with much gratitude, those holidays that they paid for when my children were young and our finances were stretched far too much. We were starting out on the housing ladder, high interest rates and reduced to onew age really hit hard.

I doubt it’s to do with them being second hand she just didn’t like what you bought and had the courage to say no thanks
So yes it’s unreasonable of you no one wants a bundle of 38 clothes items they haven’t chosen themselves

My parents were not well-off -,never had a car or even central heating this made me laugh Franbern I ve never had a car or central heating There are some of us still around and I don’t consider I ve poor 😂

It was very kind of you to think of them, but I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Low income doesn’t mean without pride. I loved hand me downs and secondhand items, but my SILs did not. Everyone is different. It’s best to leave it be.

When my daughter had her first baby a lot of his clothes were second hand from eBay or from a friend who's baby was slightly older. When they were outgrown she passed them on to another friend and later had them back when she had another baby. I lost track of how many hands they'd been through.

When my children were little the disappointing thing was being given quite expensive clothes that were really unsuitable and only worn a couple of times. When I was a child we had very little money and new clothes were rare. Because my grandfather worked in the rag trade I was sometimes given very "nice" new dresses that had been specially made for me, I'm sure they were lovely and beautifully sewn but they weren't me and I hated them.

MerylStreep

I wonder if she would have rejected the donation bag I opened this week.
A black sack ( nearly full) of new/ practically new Disney label 0-3 months baby clothes. Absolutely beautiful.

I would have rejected them!
I have a loathing where Disney merchandise is concerned.

Good point 😂

I think the OP has been very open to the opinions expressed on here and has not bridled at the criticism aimed at her. Kudos to her!

So I think we're arguing among ourselves now.

pianokey You are confusing two issues, 1) lots of children wear handmedowns. 2)your daughter does not want to clothe her child in secondhand clothes she does not like.

When peoeple hand clothes on the recipient will still decide what clothes among the handmedowns their child wears. The clothes passed on that the parent likes, the children will wear. the ones te parent does not like will not be worn.

I had two friends passed on clothes when DD was small. DD invariably wore one givers clothes and rarely what the other one gave, because her taste was very different to mine were rarely worn.

You offered your daugher secondhand clothes, for which you expected her to help pay for, quite reasonable, but the clothes were not to her taste so quite reasonably she refused to pay, at a time when money was tight, The problem was not that the clothes were secondhand, the problem was she did not want use her limited resources to buy clothes for her child that she did not like.

I don't think you are bu, as you haven't berated her about the choice she made.

I often think back to my children who wore any old jumble sale gift from their Gmother, especially when they stayed with her and messy played in the garden.

Things are different now.

You were wise not to make an issue of it.

The village children here all used to wear clothes that had been passed around and I was given a suitcase of clothes that my neighbours sister was too big for. But one thing I’ve realised over the years is that you don’t give people clothes as presents and you don’t give them ornaments or paintings because, unless you know them really well you’re probably giving them something because you like it not because they will. I bought two dresses for my granddaughter when she was a baby but her mum took them back to John Lewis and got a refund. DD bought me a very expensive sweater for my birthday but had forgotten that I can’t wear wool. I didn’t have the heart to tell her. Buying stuff like that is a minefield.

I don’t think she is picky ! I wouldn’t have liked anyone to tell me what colours or fibre to put on my babies just because they were a bargain , it’s not as if the child will be naked if the parents don’t buy what Granny wants

I kept a bag of my mother's clothes in the wardrobe for years

Because she believed I could slim down and fit into them. I'm almost afoot taller than her, I'd have to be unhealthily skinny to get in them

Plus I didn't even like them

People should definitely stick up for themselves and say no when things don't suit. It's not picky, it's just healthy

She replied that she didn’t like them so was not willing to buy them

I think if you had given her them, she would probably have found a use for some of them but didn’t see why she should pay as they were your choice, not hers.

Just came to here say bravo to the OP for being so self-reflective and open to seeing another perspective. Your daughter is lucky to have you! Being gran doesn’t mean we won’t have opinions, but it does entail knowing when share and when to zip it lol.

I wonder if she would have rejected the donation bag I opened this week.
A black sack ( nearly full) of new/ practically new Disney label 0-3 months baby clothes. Absolutely beautiful.

Nightsky2

NanKate

PianoKey I think you are very thoughtful but have to accept your DinL doesn’t want the clothes. Her loss.

You can buy some beautiful ‘almost new’ clothes for babies and older children on places like eBay.

I think you are just trying to help out but if your DD is so picky let her get on with it. You just can’t help some people and it is her loss.

But is it being "picky"?

Would you wear something that you didn't like just to pacify the donor? And, in fact, she was also going to pay half for the items.

I would not have clothed my son in clothes that I genuinely did not like. Taste is very personal. I would've been gracious about refusing. The daughter was honest and I think she had the right to refuse without being considered 'fussy'.

Even if you are poor, your are allowed to have a choice.

It's a lovely thought, it really is

But she is fully able to look for used clothes that suit her own taste

And sometimes people trying to help and having the best intentions can cause the receiver of the help to feel bad about themselves

They will get through this... Let them do it their way and only step in when asked

NotSpaghetti

^I thought OP was very gracious when she returned.^

So did I, GSM.

I thought so, too.

I’m sure the daughter is more than capable of finding baby clothes that she likes and that suit her pocket. As someone has already said, they grow out of things so quickly and they are very easy to wash and dry nowadays, very different to when I was a mum.

I thought OP was very gracious when she returned.

So did I, GSM.

NanKate

PianoKey I think you are very thoughtful but have to accept your DinL doesn’t want the clothes. Her loss.

You can buy some beautiful ‘almost new’ clothes for babies and older children on places like eBay.

I think you are just trying to help out but if your DD is so picky let her get on with it. You just can’t help some people and it is her loss.