DIL insults our heritage

You say you are better educated than she is, so she probably feels under threat. That's where bullying comes from. Change the subject to education, ask her about hers, turning the tables. Just another idea but the What do you mean suggestion best idea so far.

Buttonjugs

My parents came from up North and moved the family down South when I was little. I suppose I am quite well spoken but would love to have a Northern accent! Don’t people from Somerset talk like pirates? I have a brother who mocks our Northern relatives on Facebook and it makes me cringe. I think he is secretly jealous that he never got to be a Northerner! I don’t understand what there is to mock, to be honest. It must be nice to be a perfect Somersetion if that’s even a word! Incidentally I am proud of all my ancestors who worked in cotton mills and mines. They were the life blood of the country.

Yes - it is very oooh-ahhhh! My daughter lived in Zummerzet for a few years and came home with a bit of it (she being brought up a southerner but with Yorkshire phrases, and her dad being a sort of posh mid-lander, Royal Leamington Spa ) and we had a laugh about it.

I am obviously from Gods Own County, but haven't lived there since 1980 when I went to Uni etc ... I have since lived in Cheltenham (they were a bit uppity), Northamptonshire, Leicestershire, Fife, West Berkshire, and now Wiltshire .... I think if I could go back anywhere, it would be Yorkshire (although not my hometown, but a bit more in the sticks) or further north and Scotland! The Scots were VERY accepting of me, were extremely friendly - in fact, when I first moved there, I thought it very odd that when passing people in the street, they ALWAYS spoke. Initially I used to look back to see if I was being followed, but it some became the norm and I liked it, a lot! Wiltshire isn't really that friendly - lived in a lovely pretty village for nearly 16 years, people spoke to pass the time of day and I had lots of acquaintances, but apart from the few friends I had there, the only person to knock on my door was someone wanting the ambulance that was outside for me, asking to bl**dy move it! I've since had to move into the town as I needed more support off my daughter. I have been here 18 months, and I've spoken to one lady next door over the fence, and that's about it! It's very lonely ...

Little cow - what does your D’s see in her and he should comment to her about her rudeness !!!
Terrible

I had a lot of this from my husband’s family when I first met them. They seemed to think ‘Northerners’ were a separate breed! I didn’t make a big issue of it, all that mattered to me was what my boyfriend thought of me!

TBH, I don’t think being rude about Somerset will make them be more polite about your birthplace! Their rudeness certainly hasn’t made you feel very positive!

Quite honestly, if she were my DIL I would long since have said, when she makes these comments, "You may think you are being funny, but I find your comments hurtful and rude, so will you please stop making them?"

I don't know whether she does think she is being funny, or if she genuinely believes that people from the south of England are better than those from the north of England or from all of Scotland. I left the UK in 1975 and had imagined that these kinds of comments had long since stopped being made, so I was quite shocked by your post.

There is no need to bring your son into this - either he has long since accepted his wife's views, or he doesn't take them seriously at all, but they annoy you.

This is what you need to deal with, either by refusing to be riled by them, or by telling your DIL who sounds unbearable rude to stop this behaviour.

Grannypalmtree I agree that her remarks are unkind and unnecessary but you don't seem to hold your DIL in very high esteem. Calling her unkempt and uneducated is just as disparaging.

Choose a time when your son and GS have heard her refer to your home town in an insulting manner and say,in a very calm and polite way.

"I do hope you realise that you are not only insulting me, but also your husband and /son's father, who was born and brought up in ..'said town'. He seems to have turned out all right."
Then leave the room , giving her no chance of responding.

She sounds like what we would call a bogan. Can’t reason with them, they are ignorant . Often proud with it.

If she says it again when anyone else is present, then remark to them “that sounds rather rude doesn’t it?” Leave your son out of this as he might back his wife (who will say it is a joke) and then you will be truly hurt.

Tell her her lack of education is shining bright!! She is crass rude and ignorant

I hate that phrase , its offensive and disgusting

I think I’d tell your son that it upsets you.

I noticed you stated that your DIL drinks and smokes heavily and has an unkempt appearance.
Is there a chance she has an alcohol problem, does she make these nasty and uncalled for comments whilst under the influence of alcohol?

stuff likes this makes me angry,as ive got one too.Ive kept my mouth closed on too many occasions in the past,ie nasty snipes etc,when there was absolutely no reason for it,no more ,i put mine firmly in her place several years ago.They are sick, nasty, whatever, I tried to like her in the past,but now , i am indifferent . also where is your son in this? Mine's a wimp in my opinion,these type of people are about control, for me , if it means the worst, ie being cut off ,so be it. No bowing down to these sick individuals.

Yes ignor it don’t rise to it but he here’s a thought - how comes she married a common northerner then ? I’m from Scunthorpe ( joke town for years and banned from hospital research apparently because of the middle section of the name ) . Oh dear 🤨

Does she make the same sort of jokes (i.e. teasing insults) to other people? It might be that she just doesn't realise that she's being hurtful, and its how her family and friends interact . Without being overly confrontational, could you say something like 'I find that quite hurtful' next time she says something, and see how she takes it?

I strongly suggest you do not reply in kind - be the person you want to be, not drawn into what you see as bad behaviour. But you could find an appropriate time to say something like 'When you say XYZ . You may think it is a joke, but I feel hurt and that you are disparaging us/me. I am asking you to stop making comments of this kind' Stay calm - do not get hooked into an angry exchange.

And if drink proves to be a problem get thee to AlAnon for good advice.

As you moved there to be close it would be a shame to fall out, but I would be tempted to ask her if she is alright as she has only recently started to say this.

Maybe the drinking is more of a problem than you think which may be the cause of the unkempt appearance. You can do nothing about this of course apart from being a stable and loving part of the grandchildren's life.

Grannypalmtree, I suppose that saying, ‘ Oh I agree. It’s full of uneducated people who smoke and drink heavily and don’t care about their appearance’ would go right above her head?

Namsnanny

VioletSky

Ask her to explain what she means until she gets uncomfortable

That's a good way to handle it

As Elegran says, smiling all the while, ask, ‘ Now I wonder why you always feel the need to say that. Could you tell us exactly what has given you that opinion?’.

I have a slight scouse accent being from Prescot near Liverpool and I went to school in Liverpool. Occasionally my DH will make a disparaging comment but I'm always very quick to bite back - well you chose to marry one or similar and nip it in the bud . I d it her know with a quick answer if she was insulting my home . You could always say something like better than being a wurzel in a light hearted way but really making your point underneath .

Try to ignore her comments, they are rude and ignorant. One of our sons married a girl from Birmingham who 'looked down' on Northerners and used to be inclined to make rude comments until her mother told us that they had to send her for elocution lessons to get rid of her Brummie accent - put her in her place really.

It is bad enough that your DIL is insulting you, but to teach her child. That is totally, way out of order …

She sounds awful. I sometimes wonder if folk like her need to do this sort of thing because inside they know are lacking. I left teaching through stress and went to work in Tesco.

A man came through my checkout discussing classical music with his partner, he stopped and looked at me and said "Of course YOU won't know anything about classical music ! " I told him I had been listening to Beethoven's Archduke Trio in the car on the way into work ( which I had) and he shut up.

In your case I think the idea of making her explain her comments might be an idea. Oh, so why do you feel that.....? then when she witters on, calmly say Well I don't agree with you on that point.

I am mostly bad at asserting myself but I do know that the idea is to

Know what you want to say
Be specific
Repeat as often as necessary.

Good luck !!