DIL insults our heritage

Thank you for all of your advice and kind words.

I do agree that she likes the attention and a reaction which is why I ignore it. Yet she is persistent and saying that to my grandson was hurtful.

I'm saddened to hear so many other people having similar experiences. BigLouis, I've been to Liverpool many times and it is a wonderful city.

Norah

Ignore her silliness.

Good advice. It sounds to me that she enjoys the attention this behaviour gets her.

Ive had people make disparaging remarks because I was born in Liverpool. When I was younger I still had a local accent (although not a strong one) and Ive had people mock this.

The implication was that Liverpool people are stupid and dishonest, as well as lower class and devoted to spending all their money on fake nails, hair extensions and "boob" jobs. Ive also heard Liverpool described as a dirty s***hole. In fact it has many fine historic buildings and a wonderful vibe. Liverpool people have a very individual sense of humour and its one city where if you fell down in the street or began crying someone would quickly stop and offer help.

My accent has disappeared over the years and I learned so speak RP while I was at uni otherwise my students would not have understood me. I love to watch the expression on the face of a detractor when I inform them that I am from Liverpool and have the highest academic qualifications its possible to get.

Call her out in the moment. Speak up!

One wonders why she married your son given her views on his
heritage

Your son maybe a bit scared of her himself, and probably doesn't want to say anything to her . I would play her at her own game , next time she says something about your heritage, go back with something about hers . She'll soon get the message

All good advice given . I moved from the black country to the north west of England 4 years ago and have never know such wonderful people. I don't consider the black country as home here is my home . I have never been so happy. I was welcomed with open arms. Never had such caring neighbours and have made more friends than I have ever had. Friends like my craft group that honestly care about eachother and we help eachother out . I have my daughter living 10 mins away with her family . Unfortunately I am estranged from my son and his family who live 40 mins away his choice not mine.

I have never had such good healthcare . I am 65 and found out in 2020 and last year 2 things I was born with and finally getting treatment I should have had for years.

The north west has given me answers and a new life. Will never move.

OH grew up in very leafy Surrey, and all his family are there. When we moved to the West, then the East Midlands- his family used to poke fun, and say we should go and visit them, as there was no point for them to go up to such awful places!

Ah well, we laughed it off, and thew were amazed when they did eventually visit!

You paint a picture of someone who is both unhappy and perhaps a little unwell. No excuse, I know but......

I live in Somerset. It is a lovely place but NOT upper class (mostly)
Sing the Wurzels combine harvester, or cider in the jar next time:-))

Best just to ignore her, harder done than said I know. I have lived all my life being laughed at for my accent which differs from one half of the county to the other. If it gets too bad I usually answer in a tired voice yes I am a Marra but I was taught my manners, so I'm not going to ask you as yours make it blatantly obvious.

She was certainly a catch for your son.
drinks heavily, smokes and is of unkempt appearance
So what were the redeeming features that your son fell in love with.

It is the use of swearwords about your home town to her child that has to be dealt with. She is clearly doing what she can to provoke a confrontation with you and most of her jibes can be ignored and treated with the contempt they deserve, but the foul language in front of a child ha to be stopped. I'm guessing his father isn't around when she uses it.

She does not have the confidence to be rude she is just clearly ignorant. If she made remarks like that in Liverpool or surrounding area she would be put in her place and quite rightly so.

BlueBelle

I think your son has to be the one to put her in her place
But you can tell her nicely without venom that she is being offensive to you and to her husband and she needs to stop as it’s neither funny or clever
I personally wouldn’t resort to calling her area names as it just brings you to her level

Perhaps she does it when son not present? Or son doesnt realise how it offends like its just a joke or banter and it most certainly is not.

But Bluebells approach would probably be mine. Done one time very firmly seeing how it goes first.
Not "tit for tat" as descending to her level.

correction: But politely satisfying.

It's lonely on the high road. But politely .satisfying

Or “Ooo arrhh!”

Ask her “Where bees to maid?”

I couldn’t bite my tongue and put up with that, the next time she said something mean I’d make a joke of it, laugh and say ‘but the worst thing about us, which x hasn’t mentioned, is our inbuilt superiority complex.’ Whatever her issues are, running you down in front of other people isn’t acceptable at all.

As others have said she sounds very insecure. I think she knows she is not well educated and needs to find something that gives her some status (according to her).

These are schoolyard comments.
I would quietly tell your grandson about his dad's heritage, family and where he grew up.
When he is able to see for himself he can visit and see how warm and lovely it is "up north".

I think there will be no changing her as she has a chip on her shoulder.

I'm a Southerner and I wouldn't dream of making any derogatory comments about the North or any other part of the UK .

I think that your daughter in law is appallingly rude and disrespectful .

I wonder if she's just an angry , unhappy person in general .

You could ignore her and quietly seethe , make light of it -which is hard or challenge her full on .

In challenging her full on - I imagine that it will turn into a full scale row .

Not an easy decision and I don't envy you .

MercuryQueen

“What do you mean?” is where I’d start.

And if she said it was a joke, “I don’t get it. What’s funny about it?”

I’ve found people who use ‘it’s a joke!’ to disguise insults quickly give up when asked to explain the humour, rather than admit to being insulting.

Another current excuse is “it’s only banter”.

MercuryQueen

“What do you mean?” is where I’d start.

And if she said it was a joke, “I don’t get it. What’s funny about it?”

I’ve found people who use ‘it’s a joke!’ to disguise insults quickly give up when asked to explain the humour, rather than admit to being insulting.

It's a very effective tactic

I discovered it by accident when I genuinely didn't understand a joke at my expense

“What do you mean?” is where I’d start.

And if she said it was a joke, “I don’t get it. What’s funny about it?”

I’ve found people who use ‘it’s a joke!’ to disguise insults quickly give up when asked to explain the humour, rather than admit to being insulting.