Feeling a bit (a lot really) sad

Sorry your husband has been unwell and that explains why he hadn’t arranged anything. 💐

Why didn’t your husband arrange something??

Happy big birthday Ivanova5

We are what we are, and our kids are what our kids are. If we want to change that, we have to organise it, especially if distance or money make it a problem.

Got to be honest, I'm not sure DS could tell you my birthday!

But I am sorry you were disappointed. Don't be.

I wonder what your son would say if you missed HIS birthday? Works both ways.

Happy belated Birthday Ivanova5

I'm not sure that it helps to hear but my birthday was Monday also and I didn't hear so much as a peep from my oldest son. He lives a 2 day drive away and in addition to a busy family life, he has health issues so I don't expect him to remember, but it still hurts a bit deep down.

I did plan a party with our local ds and his family on Sunday to take the pressure off of dh. I learned long ago that if I wanted a celebration, I needed to plan it. Glad I did, it was a lovely time.

I wouldn't have expected a big celebration, but I would expect a card.

I wouldn't ignore anyone's birthday.

We've all had children, we've all worked, and it doesn't mean you haven't got the time, thought or the money to buy and send a card.

And, I'd keep the bank account closed now - see if that jogs his memory.🙄

Happy belated birthday anyway.💐

I'm thinking that your son may have assumed (quite reasonably) that your husband would be spoiling you and taking you out for a special meal - at least.

My children do take me out on special days - but I've been widowed since they were small, so the situation is different. We don't tend to do cards or extravagant presents, though, just a text or phone call and a day/meal out.

I'm concerned by some of the comments on here. I've helped them out financially at times, although they've never asked. My gifts are freely given, I'm not keeping score - or ever expecting returns. They're my children, not an investment bank!

Most years I send messages out to my AC telling them NOT to send pressies (just cards) for my birthday and Mothers Day. Then at Xmas one of the eldest daughters usually arranges a big pressie between all of them. My son, is always more than happy to pay whatever amount they ask.

Last Xmas there was nothing big that I wanted and t hought it might be pleasant to have several small pressies, so had a wish list on amazon, and left it at that. My Daughter in law had given me some lovely perfume (something she had been given and did not like - I thought was gorgeous), when thanking her (via my son), I did say that I wouldbe delighted tohave more of that make,etc. Thought that was a broad enough hint!!!

Xmas came, pressies from all my daughters, nothing from son. Phone call on day. He has no ability to take a hint, and as no-one had arranged a pressie for him to contribute to he did nothing. This year, I sent the usual message re Mothers Day ONLY to my daughters and waited to see if son sent anything. No......just a card.

My son is not hard up, neither is he really unthinking - just that unless someone else organises it he just does not think about presents. If I was unwell, and asked him I know he would drive the four hours to get to me, if I needed some cash, he would be more than happy to let me have it. But the idea of presents on occasions - just does not cross his mind.

I still love him, just exactly as he is.

Happy belated birthday. I do feel your sadness our kids can be self indulgent at times.

Good for you Thomasina!
The more you give, the more they expect. Sadly.

Happy Birthday Ivanova5!

That is very sad. Would your hubby phone him and say how upset and disappointed you are.

My sons have never sent me birthday cards ever in their lives. I doubt they know when it is. I blame my husband, he never made any attempt to "train" them when they were young.

Am I bothered - no. More important things to think about.

I understand you feel hurt - I would too! Like others have said though, since being divorced I arrange any birthday celebrations well in advance as family are busy and have their own concerns. I always have a great time!

Surely hubby could have still taken you out or planned a family lunch or something to celebrate? Or even a bit of a party the weekend before or this coming weekend. I understand it's disappointing to not receive anything from your son but I think in many cases (not all) son's don't give much thought to this sort of thing. My mum has sadly now passed but I used to buy a gift and card from myself AND a separate gift and card from my brother for Christmas/birthdays as he was useless and I didn't want my mum to miss out. Sorry you feel a bit deflated by your birthday celebrations but a belated happy birthday to you!

I am feeling hurt today for similar reasons Ivanova. Trying to cheer myself up and be positive but it’s not easy is it. If I don’t organise it it doesn’t happen and I am getting weary of it always being me 😮‍💨

My very best wishes and congratulations on your special birthday 🎉 ignore smile eat cake 🍰 call a friend x

silverlining48

I am feeling hurt today for similar reasons Ivanova. Trying to cheer myself up and be positive but it’s not easy is it. If I don’t organise it it doesn’t happen and I am getting weary of it always being me 😮‍💨

My very best wishes and congratulations on your special birthday 🎉 ignore smile eat cake 🍰 call a friend x

sending you a hug Silverlining

I did get cards and gifts for my birthday, but not all birthdays. Sometimes it was a FB message like you. I didn't mind at all to be fair,
I'm poor at remembering birthdays myself. My other half on the other hand gets really upset if he doesn't get cards at least. Now my son is married to a wonderful woman and she makes a lot of effort for me which I do admit is lovely.

We take responsibility for our own celebrations. We plan our own birthdays and celebrations. We send out invitations to family members.

Happy Belated Birthday! Sorry about your son, really inconsiderate. I always ring my parents on their birthdays (we live 350 miles apart), as well as sending a card - and a bottle of champagne if its a big birthday (60, 70 etc). My late husband and I always arranged in advance to do something on special birthdays - we went out for lunch and cocktails for my 50th, nothing excessive as his health was too poor by then for a full day out. Maybe "forget" when his next birthday comes around?

The difference being We rather than I, Emily. When it’s always I it can be exhausting. I know because that’s how it is for me too.

Thank you Pascal x

Do you need to organise things? isn't it sufficient just talk about it generally so that he just remembers to send a card or make a phone call.

The dates of all our family birthdays, especially big ones are shared, but it doesn't mean we do anything. If it is DH's we nip out for a meal, if it is one of AC or DC, we will just ring and say we will have meal next time we see them.

Make sure that big birthdays are common knowledge but if parties are to be celebrated, just confine yoursoef to a nice meal, in or nout

Your husband should have arranged something special AND reminded your son that it was a special birthday. Sons aren't very good at remembering birthdays.

I wouldn’t invite them round. That is forcing them to come and that’s never the same.Clock it up to a bad experience and do something for you next year, like a theatre trip or a day out.
Happy birthday wishes for Monday.

Usually men don’t care as much about Birthdays as women do,so always make it special for yourself,arrange to meet friends for lunch etc.E-mail or Text ( they all love to Text) and say thanks for the B’day wishes then ask him over for cake,no point falling out with family.He knows your always there for love & hugs,don’t let it hurt you life is too short & you know he loves you,take care of yourself.