Disco at a function spoiling the evening- AIBU?

I absolutely loathe loud music and it actually really depresses and frustrates me. I go to events to meet and socialise with people which is impossible if you can’t hear or chat to people. We recently went to a function in a large marquee, catering for 500 people. The music started way before we had finished eating. It was a fundraiser for all ages and it annoyed me that older people, of which the majority of the people were, were not taken into consideration. The structure of the place was vibrating! We took our chairs halfway across the rugby field to find a place to chat. No way could I get and dance with that level of noise.

If you employ someone to provide a service (eg a disco) and you want it turned down you dont ask them you instruct them. With the threat of not being paid the balance of what you owe them if they dont provide the required service in a professional manner. Or you pay them with a credit card and do a charge back.

I hated this even when I was at university as did many of my friends ...so its not entirely related to the age of the attendees, although elderly will often be be more overwhelmed.

I think the noise is totally pointless art such a social do!

Recently we were at a big extended-family do at a rugby club, where for once I was very pleasantly surprised that the disco music was a) brilliant, and b) not too loud at all. I even took the floor with little Gdd2 of nearly 4 before she zonked. Gdd1 (8) was dancing till midnight!

florentina we tend to go for a ceilidh in our family and really enjoy them.
What I can’t understand is why we can’t tolerate discos now we are getting deafer! Perhaps they weren’t as loud back in the day?
It does also depend on the venue, a room with a low ceiling is very unforgiving. I heard a great jazz band in our village hall and endured it. Went to hear them in a church. Fabulous.
I’m off to a family wedding soon but the couple won’t care if we leave soon after the disco starts.

Am also interested in how many 'dos' a lot of you go to! me too nanarose
I was wondering that too I haven’t been to a ‘do’ for a loooong time no body in my quite large circle has ‘do s’

A few years ago my DH and I attended friend's a 40th wedding anniversary party. They had Singing Waiters at the end of the meal then later a live jazz band. It was a great success though we found the jazz music not to our taste so sat in the quiet room with some other guests and chatted. No ailments were discussed and we steered clear of in depth political discussion too.
I think the best evening entertainment we enjoyed was a ceilidh at a friend's wedding. She was very much into Scottish dancing. Everybody had a go, even the youngsters.

We are the same, the load thumping music destroys any chance of a decent conversation?
My daughter is just beginning to organise her wedding and refuses to have a disco. Its second time for both of them and now they older (40's) they don't appreciate loud music.
She says she wants the 'Singing Waiters'. Coffee shop music and a gambling table..Anyone else have any ideas as an alternative to flashing lights and songs we've never heard of ?

I live next to a community centre somwtines the music is so loud it rattles my fillings luckily you can only hire till midnight. My daughter had her reception at a hall that has a device on the wall that went from green/amber/red if the volume got too loud. At red it cut of the power to the music, wish the hall near me had that, I have suggested it to the one near me no luck so far...

Well, I'm 73 and I like nothing better than a good disco. Who wants to sit around talking about ailments and the state of the world when they could be dancing?

Having said that, I don't think the music should be so loud that it becomes almost painful, and really there should be some time allowed after a meal for soft background music so that people can chat for a while before the disco starts.

Pearl30

Hi Witzend.
Your last post in response to mine does make it clearer that you did not let down the bride and groom. I (mis)understood from your initial post that you were present for the food but then doing a quick exit. Your explanation makes it clear you didn’t. More that you were there for the day do and declined the evening do, which is perfectly acceptable. I’m sure they appreciated your gift, but I expect your presence was what they valued rather than the gift.
Hope I didn’t cause upset to you. I was just sharing my thoughts.

No, I wasn’t upset. But TBH Pearl30 the groom was the son of a cousin of mine, who I hadn’t met even half a dozen times previously - the family didn’t live anywhere near. Very nice young chap but I’m sure he and the (also v nice B) wouldn’t have cared tuppence whether we were there for the evening bit or not. There were masses of their own friends/generation to dance and make merry later.

My Niece's wedding reception was great, with a brilliant DJ. Before the big night, she discussed with the DJ exactly what she wanted, quiet orchestral background for the meal, from 6 to 8. From 8 to 10, medium volume 60/70/80s music, after 10 it was a free for all with no restriction on volume or genre, just what was appropriate for the piece being played. Something for everyone. She also confirmed her requirements in writing, as she also did for the meal, venue etc, so no room for misunderstanding. She was paying, her rules! Everyone enjoyed the evening and were able to slip away when they knew the music was going to change tempo and volume. The younger contingent, disco but not meal, were free to arrive from 8 onwards, knowing what to expect.

I am in my 70s and love to dance. On holiday recently, I was the one who got the dancing going in the bar. However, I also think that there should have been another room where those who wanted to chat could do so. Or a silent disco so that those who wanted to enjoy the music could do so without disturbing the others.

A good DJ should be able to read the room, and either pump up the beat and volume, or slow it down.

I find for most of the weddings or parties we have been to, the dancing doesn't start until after dinner and speeches, so around 8 or 9 pm. It seems to get louder and faster as the evening progresses.

The only issue we had once, was a gathering of similar aged to us, where the DJ was instructed to play 'no disco'. Rock was fine, but slowly people stopped dancing. A few requests were made, but refused. I know people would definitely got moving to a disco beat, but it seemed like no fun was to be had!

Hi Witzend.
Your last post in response to mine does make it clearer that you did not let down the bride and groom. I (mis)understood from your initial post that you were present for the food but then doing a quick exit. Your explanation makes it clear you didn’t. More that you were there for the day do and declined the evening do, which is perfectly acceptable. I’m sure they appreciated your gift, but I expect your presence was what they valued rather than the gift.
Hope I didn’t cause upset to you. I was just sharing my thoughts.

This is nothing new. At D's wedding 30 years ago ,the DJ- organised by the venue. was playing music so loudly, head phones on, head down so he didn't see anything and didn't realise we had all left and gone into the bar so we could chat. Who's party was it?

I had a similar experience at an Italian restaurant - when catching up with work colleagues. It was just impossible to hear the conversation and I didn't want to shout. As soon as the meal was finished, we paid and left - ending up sitting outside to have a chat - quite ridiculous.

Totally agree. Been subjected to loud Disco music at weddings and parties. Impossible have a conversation as you can't hear over the noise!!!

Hithere

DJs are not arrogant - they cannot make everybody happy

If they lower the volume for you, somebody will ask DJ to increase it

It is the guest who is arrogant

No, the DJs are very arrogant in my very long years of experience. As a result, we always ensure that there is a quiet space for people to chat.

We have a family wedding coming up next Spring. One of the main deciding factors between the two favourite venues was that the one we're going to has a separate room for the disco!
So people who want to stay in the room the reception tables are, and chat, can do so 😊

My teenage Granddaughter was looking for a local gym to join, 9 gyms later she has given up as they all have deafening music.

I recently went to an 80th birthday party in our local hall, the birthday boy isn't an old fogie at all, he like myself play with many others in a Scottish accordion and fiddle group ( about 20+ people)
His family had organised a band ( mixed music) I'd been told they were loud! Understatement!!! NEVER been anywhere with such loud music, and I love a good dance too, but it was so loud it distorted the sound of the musicians and spoilt what would otherwise have been a good sound. We suffered 45 minutes and left, much to my other half's delight. My ears felt like they were bleeding!!! 😭 I was really looking forward to a good evening out. Why they believe louder is better I have absolutely no idea.

Pearl30, there would have been no ‘empty seats’. As I said in my pp, we had let the B and G know well in advance that 6 of us would be leaving before the dinner and dancing, so they could pass correct numbers to the caterers, and not pay a lot of money for meals that were going to be wasted.

We had stayed for the church ceremony and for the afternoon tea, all of which lasted several hours, so I can’t think the 30-something B&G were remotely disappointed - especially given the three cash gifts they also received. I don’t know about the others, but dh and I put £100 in the card.

Just at a wedding this weekend, grandparents in late 80s up dancing 🕺💃 until late to the loud music. It was a wonderful do! I’m quite certain none of the guests would have changed a thing. Those that wanted to chat went outside for a bit.

DJs are not arrogant - they cannot make everybody happy

If they lower the volume for you, somebody will ask DJ to increase it

It is the guest who is arrogant