Gransnet forums


Manners and saying thank you

(44 Posts)
Sallywally1 Tue 26-Sep-23 16:44:14

I have three children, adults. Sadly I am estranged from my middle DD and my eldest DD have always had a difficult relationship. She is on a reasonable wage but only works part time. Her partner is unreliable financially. She recently informed us that her own DD is rapidly growing out of her clothes. I had a look on eBay and ordered some lovely items and spent around £100. Am I unreasonable to expect a telephone call to thank me and this is just basic manners? My DH thinks a thank you from wattsApp is sufficient. I don’t! They are lovely clothes, Boden, Marks, Monsoon etc and in lovely condition, and look like new.

Shelflife Tue 26-Sep-23 16:54:19

Yes you deserve a thank you .........
however although I don't doubt your very kind intentions it may have been wise to ask if she liked what you were intending to buy, or perhaps given her the £100 so she could make her own choices.I do occasionally buy for my GC if I see a bargain while out shopping, but if I were spending £100+ I would definitely ask my DD first. Just a thought 🤔

wildswan16 Tue 26-Sep-23 16:59:07

It's not clear whether these clothes were bought after consulting with your daughter, or how old your granddaughter is.

Whilst very kind of you to buy the clothes I would always consult the mother/daughter as to what would be most useful and (especially if the child is over 8) whether they like that style.

I guess a whatsapp thankyou is sufficient, but hopefully next time you speak she would add to it.

Sallywally1 Tue 26-Sep-23 17:38:22

Yes she did say what type of clothes were needed and that eBay was fine. I don’t think you could get much for £100 if buying new. I must stress that the money is not the issues, I just think a quick telephone thank you is not unreasonable.

Sallywally1 Tue 26-Sep-23 17:38:57

The child is nearly four

Theexwife Tue 26-Sep-23 18:09:42

Younger people rarely use the phone preferring to text or WhatsApp. I agree with your husband.

If I had bought something for my grandchild I would not expect a thank you from the parent, it would simply be a gift for the child.

choughdancer Tue 26-Sep-23 18:19:42

I would be fine with a WhatsApp thank you.

Enidd Tue 26-Sep-23 18:24:17

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all.

Manners cost nothing.

March Tue 26-Sep-23 18:46:36

I think a WhatsApp is fine. You can get everything written down then and everything you want to say.

I absolutely hate talking on the phone. I send thank you WhatsApps to friends and family for birthdays etc and they do it back. It's easier and quicker but the same level of thanks and appreciation is still in them.

Kim19 Tue 26-Sep-23 20:03:47

This thank you (or lack of) grievance comes up repeatedly on GN. Is there anything wrong with giving unreservedly and neither expecting or hoping for any sort of thanks whatsoever? What has happened to the joy of giving? Sure, thanks is nice but not even remotely to be expected. I get a lot of pleasure from the very selection of a gift and that's enough for me. Times change. I remember the misery of sitting writing thank you letters as a child. At least that's pretty much gone thank goodness.

lemsip Tue 26-Sep-23 20:07:39

Kim19 I agree.

Coolgran65 Tue 26-Sep-23 20:16:57

Be thankful you at least got a WhatsApp thank you.

Shelflife Tue 26-Sep-23 20:25:16

A WhatsApp thankyou would be enough for me .

Jaxjacky Tue 26-Sep-23 21:17:21

A WhatsApp, Messenger or txt would be fine for me too.

Madgran77 Tue 26-Sep-23 21:26:17

WhatsApp is replacing many other communication methods. We may or may not like it but its fact. Its the thankyou that matters not the method!!

ElaineI Tue 26-Sep-23 22:38:01

A thank you is a thank you from wherever it comes from.

biglouis Tue 26-Sep-23 22:53:04

From time to time my nephew might mention that he intends to buy a widget when he has the money. I would just send him a financial contribution and allow him to buy what he wants when he is ready. I know I am very difficult to buy for.

My grandmother was very strict about the nicities of saying "please" and "thank you" but unfortunately those days are gone. An email or text is sufficient.

henetha Tue 26-Sep-23 23:35:45

Manners were so important when I was younger, and lack of them used to bother me. But I've come to expect now that times have changed and just accept that a text or WhatsApp is fine.
I do it myself too these days. It's easier.

Mitzigem Wed 27-Sep-23 03:32:54

No , you are not being unreasonable. However I think it’s best to go with the mindset of don’t expect anything from anyone. No expectations makes an easier life .

PaperMonster Wed 27-Sep-23 07:55:27

A WhatsApp text is absolutely fine. Why would you need a phone call if you’ve had that?

Grandmabatty Wed 27-Sep-23 08:02:54

She did thank you. She sent a WhatsApp message. Young people don't use the phone in the way we did in the past. I think you were very generous but are being a bit unreasonable here. Why don't you phone her for a conversation and tell her you enjoy speaking to her?

Aveline Wed 27-Sep-23 08:35:12

A WhatsApp thank you is fine by me. It's better than stony silence. At least you know your present has been received and appreciated.

Glamdram Wed 27-Sep-23 08:51:04

We never get many thankyous from our DS or DIL. I always have a bit of a rant bout it but I get over it. Dd by the way will always send a watssapp thankyou. I do think tecting has become the modern way of thanking people. My MIL is 92 and we always have to remind our DS etc to call her up to thank her for gifts else she never hears anything. I sometime apologise to her for them!

Sallywally1 Wed 27-Sep-23 08:59:35

Thank you for your replies. I use WhatsApp mysel per haps I am just old fashioned

Baggs Wed 27-Sep-23 11:01:28

A whatsapp thank you is worth as much as any other kind of thank you in my view. My youngest DD tends to put ❤️❤️❤️ after her whatsapp thank yous. That's nice too.