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AIBU

Am I wrong to think this is rude ?

(92 Posts)
Gangan2 Sat 28-Oct-23 02:22:11

I have fairly recently moved into a terraced house and although happy with the move I am struggling with a situation which occurs quite regularly. My neighbours either side of me have been lovely and made me feel very welcome in many ways and genuinely wouldn't want to upset them but they have one habit which makes me uncomfortable.
They have known each other for quite a few years and obviously have a strong friendship which is lovely and catch up with each other most days. My problem is that their catch up is sometimes over the garden fence (we have very low fencing between our gardens) and because I am in between their houses the conversation takes place across my garden if that makes sense? During the day I don't have an issue with this but of an evening I find it a bit of an invasion of my privacy, especially if I have had my shower etc and want to cook my dinner. I feel that I have to get dressed again etc as my kitchen window and glass backdoor is right where they stand either side leaning over their fences talking. I like to have my door open when the weather was nice but feel the need to close it when they are there and now it's dark early their constant movement brings my floodlight on so I am totally illuminated inside and out if that makes sense? Their voices are also quite loud ( because of the distance between them) and I can't hear anything that I may be listening to whilst cooking etc or having a phone conversation. This can go on for 30 minutes or more before they go back inside.
I have absolutely no issues if its during the day and I am around and we all tend to join in chatting as we pass etc. Which is lovely and I couldn't bare to fallout with either of side as they are such good neighbours apart from this habit and I can't stand atmospheres!
I am a very social person but I just feel a bit invaded by this of an evening. AIBU? Or do I need to stop being a grump ?

Kalu Tue 31-Oct-23 16:37:27

Baggs

Gangan2

I think this is my way forward, I am also switching off the outside light when it starts .

Or you could get more lights, ones that shine into their eyes and dazzle them 😜

Yes, now I am just being wicked 😈 😁

😂 YES. And also add some noisy wind chimes at either side of your back wall. 😈

oldeman Tue 31-Oct-23 13:35:20

I think the answer is simple really. Roller blinds for windows and door plus a beaded curtain for door so you still have privacy when it's warm and you want your door open. The curtain stops flying pests too.

Baggs Tue 31-Oct-23 11:43:30

Gangan2

I think this is my way forward, I am also switching off the outside light when it starts .

Or you could get more lights, ones that shine into their eyes and dazzle them 😜

Yes, now I am just being wicked 😈 😁

Wishes Tue 31-Oct-23 11:16:46

I have a variation of the situation.
Trampolines both sides right by the fences. The children shout and call very loudly across my garden to one another.

Gangan2 stick with your dressing gown, nothing wrong with that.

GrammaH Tue 31-Oct-23 10:41:27

I'm lucky - or maybe unlucky, depending on your point if view - to live down a long drive in the middle of the countryside with no neighbours within a quarter of a mile. What you describe sounds horrendous, quite unthinkable, I'd hate it!

Gangan2 Tue 31-Oct-23 07:51:20

I think this is my way forward, I am also switching off the outside light when it starts .

DamaskRose Tue 31-Oct-23 07:46:34

The first thing we did when we moved into our current house was to replace the falling down fence between our house and next door. Our neighbours are absolutely lovely but we didn’t want a communal garden! On the other side we just planted shrubs because that’s what we wanted to do. But we do try to make sure said shrubs don’t cause work for our elderly neighbours. We put film on the conservatory windows that look onto theirs which means we both get privacy. We’re detached so there is too much space for neighbours to chat to each other without bellowing!

Cossy Tue 31-Oct-23 04:55:57

PS You’re not a grump ! I’d hate it xx

Cossy Tue 31-Oct-23 04:48:54

I live in a terraced house and have done for the past 30+ years, but maybe we have larger gardens and we certainly have larger fences! Which is a good thing as most of us own dogs ! My own neighbours each side occasionally pop their heads over the fence and say hello, not often, as it makes our dogs bark, but they’ve never had full on conversations with each other across our garden and whilst I don’t think it’s rude I do think it’s odd and an invasion of privacy ! No advice on what to do, BUT I’d open my door, windows etc whenever I want to, put my radio on louder and dress how I like !

Hetty58 Mon 30-Oct-23 23:44:22

merlotgran, well, I do trim the plants - but there is trellis with artificial greenery - or maybe screening with no plants?

merlotgran Mon 30-Oct-23 22:58:54

If I were Gangan 2 - I'd have several pergolas, a nice long walkway!

And a not so nice load of maintenance! 😂

Hetty58 Mon 30-Oct-23 22:49:01

Yorklass23, I wouldn't confront them about it - as they've probably done it for ages and would just think it 'uppity' if there were comments.

I don't have that problem here, yet, still, I have a lovely rose pergola outside my back door. It's 2.5 metres high, clad with trellis and covered in climbers. I can sit outside in my PJs or vest and shorts - and nobody can see me. My security light is beyond it.

If I were Gangan 2 - I'd have several pergolas, a nice long walkway!

Yorkslass23 Mon 30-Oct-23 22:28:04

If they are such good friends, why don't they simply walk to around to each others' house?

You could just tell them how you feel. Are you afraid to offend, I wonder. If you know a smart lad who could install a sensing device; whenever they get at it, either a light goes on, or they get weird sounds. This might sound really silly, but how asking, " have you 2 always had long chats across my yard/garden, I wonder, or did it all start during COVID? This could be a subtle hint, even a deterrent.

nanna8 Mon 30-Oct-23 22:18:43

Definitely a fence or blind. I’d put one up anyway even if this didn’t happen because I really value my privacy. We bought our house because you can’t see any neighbours at all. Trees, trees and more trees !

RosiesMaw Mon 30-Oct-23 21:52:19

It will stop now it’s dark and cold and wet!

SunnySusie Mon 30-Oct-23 19:12:57

I think this is rude, but its probably accidental. We used to be on chatting over the fence terms with our neighbour, but wouldnt have invited her round, just as she didnt invite us. We wanted to be friendly, but were not actual friends. She was immediately next door. I personally wouldnt shout across a garden, or if I did I would include the intermediary neighbour in the conversation, otherwise its just rude in my opinion. I would put up a fence or trellis, but I would explain to the neighbours first that I was doing it to have beautiful scented climbers near the house and politely but firmly say that I hope that they can still have nice chats further down the garden.

monkeebeat Mon 30-Oct-23 18:34:01

Trellis and climbing roses inside the fence near the back of your house

Allsorts Mon 30-Oct-23 17:53:16

Switch off outside light.

Stewpot100 Mon 30-Oct-23 17:45:25

I would say nothing in the hope that it may fizzle out, especially as the nights are drawing in. I find this behaviour ignorant but your neighbours have no intention of upsetting you, they just lack awareness. As others have said, put nets, blinds, anything up. Plant laurel bushes along the fence, as you 'just love a bit of greenery.'

Tanjamaltija Mon 30-Oct-23 17:37:51

The fact that you sometimes you join in the conversations, day or night, it does not matter, to them translates into the idea that you are all right with it. You can't eat your cake and have it, picking and choosing what time they are allowed to be, literally and figuratively, in your field of vision. You can get film that allows you to see out, but people can't see in. I am thinking that the floodlights actually encourage them to converse, since they won't be 'in the dark'.

Baggs Mon 30-Oct-23 16:07:32

Dinahmo

I quite understand why you don't want your neighbours chatting across your garden but if you follow some of the suggestions you run the risk of alienating your neighbours. That would be a shame as they are friendly. It's very easy to turn people off!

Especially people who are too stupid to realise when they are bothering someone else in that someone else's own space!

Why can't they chat in each other's houses, taking turns? ---- Because that would mean thinking about someone else.

I've no patience with this kind of utter thoughtlessness.

However, I do understand the OP's conundrum. Hope you can do something over the winter, OP, that might help curtail the annoyance without their realising you're a bit pissed off.

wetflannel Mon 30-Oct-23 16:06:17

Why not invest in a day/night blind, there not expensive but let in light but keep prying eyes out.

PinkCosmos Mon 30-Oct-23 15:57:34

JdotJ

Could you perhaps have a radio on, slightly louder than usual so they find it a problem hearing each other over the fences ?

This is an easy option. Put the radio on the kitchen windowsill with the window open.

We had a similar issue and raised the height of the fence with trellis. You can buy metal extenders which are easy to fit. You then slot trellis panels into them.

Or you could get a large planter and put a fast growing shrub in it.

Have you thought about day and night blinds (zebra blinds).

Dinahmo Mon 30-Oct-23 15:39:35

I quite understand why you don't want your neighbours chatting across your garden but if you follow some of the suggestions you run the risk of alienating your neighbours. That would be a shame as they are friendly. It's very easy to turn people off!

JdotJ Mon 30-Oct-23 15:33:34

Could you perhaps have a radio on, slightly louder than usual so they find it a problem hearing each other over the fences ?