Simple things WOMEN are unable to do!

It's so easy to take them for granted. This is a poem I read somewhere. I hope I have remembered it correctly.

"Too soon, too soon comes death to show
We love more dearly than we know.
The rain which fell upon the height,
To gentle to be called delight,
Within the dark vale reappears
As a cataract of tears.
So love in life should try to see
Sometimes, what love in death would be".

I'm so sorry for your loss, Whethertomorrow.

On lighter note, it's a good thing nature gave me two sons. I'm pretty useless with practical things and they are both marvellous.

PS. I hope no-one takes exception to me quoting this poem.
I'm feeling wary now of posting in case I inadvertently upset someone unintentionally. If I have upset anyone, I am sorry.

You cant just put him in a cupboard and get him out when needed.

That’s what a man shed is for. I would let him out for meals though. 😂

I am on a steep learning curve whethertomorrow too. 8 months on and I am slowly getting to grips with screwdrivers . We will soldier on together.

My DH still works full time at the age of 80 and now gets very tired so I do a lot at home. Like bleeding radiators and gardening, however I find that with a lot of things if we work together we just about cope with modern life.
I refuse to change the tyre if it goes flat. I ring Start Rescue, and play the poor old granny when it's to my advantage.
So sorry for your loss. I really don't know how I will cope and am trying to arrange things for the best.
Please take each day at a time and look after yourself .
Wishing you all the best.

Thinking about what is traditionally considered men’s jobs and women’s jobs I can not help noticing that all the messy, uncomfortable, dangerous jobs are men’s apart from maybe changing baby’s nappies.

Soon after DH died I gave away the big petrol mower and bought a battery one, I also left half the lawn as a meadow.
I am gradually making things more manageable for me and am preparing myself mentally to downsize in the next year or so.
I don't hesitate to call in local tradesmen. The electrician/come handyman has a key to my house and the plumber lives across the road.
I pay a fortune to the AA to rescue me if I'm stuck.
I have a lodger who's quite handy too.
All bases covered?

As hubbie's MS worsened, he taught me hów to wallpaper I had already learned to do the painting. Back in the past, I would be able to put on electric sockets which wire to which part. ANything else electric, or plumbing was left to experts. .over the years I decorated every room in ur large, high ceilinged Edwardian house, some several times). I took down a lathe and plaster wall upstairs and replaced it with plasterbard one. Trying to lay a fitted carpet in small bedroom nearly defeated me. I taught myself tiling and did a pretty good job on the bathroom.

Hwever

I too am so sorry you are grieving * whethertomorrow*. I am the practical one in our family and my DH has the brains. I used to turn my hand to most things like decorating and gardening because I had more time. Now in our late 70s we get a man in!

Sorry I doing this on a Kindle and it changes words. My post was meant to start with the OPs name whethertomorrow...sincere apologies.

Deterministic I am so sorry about your loss and that you were having a bad day when you write this. I take your point about pressuring our husbands. My point is that mine tried to stop me doing things as he wants to save me stress, cutting myself, falling over and probably even electrifying myself. I want to do as much I can but know I have limitations. We have little rows about i and I sometimes moan about him to my sister and she considerate and has a moan about her husband. Trying to strike a balance hetr

biglouis I have been living with the man in my life very happily for over 50 years. That he is very good at DIY was an added bonus not discovered until after the event.

As I said these skills are split in our family between father and daughter being deft, skilled and enjoying taking things apart and putting them together again and mother and son, both cack handed, able to do so much, but knowing when they need to get a plumber/electrician/car mechanic in.

So in our family it isn't even a gender issue. DS has a daughter who follows in the steps of her aunt. We do not know his son's capacities because he has yet to show any interest in anything practical.

I can do most things - mainly because I believe that I can, so will always try. Still, I'm nearly 70 so I'll just have to get somebody else to clear the gutters, as I'm no longer happy at the top of a ladder.

Things I used to do all at once, like clean all the floors - or all the windows (in a single day - how did I manage it?) are now spread out over a week or so. Yes, I've slowed down.

I've adapted the way I tackle tasks too. I now need my kneeling mat, my garden wheeled seat/storage box, magnifying glasses and work lamp. What used to be easy is quite a challenge now - I really must clean that cooker hood!

Ive always had to do "mens work" since I did not have a man to do it for me - my choice. In fact I was very good at decorating, assembling flatpack shelves, basic electricals and so on. Now I pay someone to do these jobs because of mobility issues. The problem is that if you live with a man in order to have someone to do these tasks then you are stuck with the man himself. You cant just put him in a cupboard and get him out when needed. Roll on robots.

I can do most things he does but I cant pee standing up ...that was a real issue when we toilet trained our son who wanted to do it like daddy did and I was no use at all.
I'll give everything else a go ,my late mum used to say I was the type of woman who got others in trouble ...their husbands would say if Paddy can do it why cant/wont you.I'm still carrying stacks of fencing and cutting down trees and happy to say I enjoy it at just months off 70

Mine does heaps of things I can’t do like cleaning the gutters out, running the swimming pool pump and cleaning it ( I haven’t a clue about all those chemicals and engines), fixing washers on taps, anything electrical, plumbing etc. He’s not a good cook but that is fine by me, and he is not interested in anything to do with the laundry, ironing, washing, vacuuming, cleaning stuff ( he wouldn’t notice anyway!)

Whethertomorrow I'm sorry.

No, there's nothing much he can do that I can't do just as well - apart from tasks requiring big strength. I was home alone with our children whilst he worked and did extra time starting his business. I garden, decorate, diy minutia, manage the functions of home and family life quite well alone - I've had to.

My condolences Whethertomorrow for the sad loss in your life.
My daughter is a SP and has taught herself to do most household jobs, including gardening and basic car maintenance. It’s been a case of needs must and she doesn’t have cash to splash, we’re always in the wings, but she’s fiercely independent.

Whethertomorrow it’s very sad to hear you are grieving the loss of your beloved husband. I think it works both ways doing jobs around the house for me and my DH.
There are lots of things that he just cannot do he isn’t practical for painting and decorating etc. Its always been my job until recently now arthritis has put a stop to it we get a decorator in. My DH does have good skills if any tedious gadgets break down. We just muddle on together and admit defeat when we have to and ring our DS.

I had a bit of practice doing the “ men’s work” before DH died as he did not have the stamina, but his hands were still strong. Now I struggle to open jars, bottles. Sometimes I think to ask someone in a shop eg if I am buying a bottle of bleach. The childproof ones are the worst.

I will wait till family visit if a light bulb in a ceiling light needs replacing as I don’t want to risk climbing up and reaching. DH was tall.

I never touch soil. I can’t bear it.

BlueBelle

Sorry to hear that you are grieving, it sounds a new grief Wethertomorrow and it will take a long while to get used to your loss, one day you will be able to think without the tears and remember how lucky you were to have a caring husband
Cherish your memories

I ve been alone a long time and can paint decorate, lug furniture around, change plugs and muck out horrible blocked drains and I even eat the mushroom stalks 😂 (even when I wasn’t alone he was rarely around to do anything in the house anyway)
I wish you well and hope one day you ll smile again

Seconded

A little over 40 years ago I was walking to work and realised I was crying because I had a thought that one day I might have to live without my fiancé. We have now been married for nearly 40 years and more and more I worry about having to live without my husband. I don’t know the pain you are going through Whethertomorrow but hope that should it happen to me that I have the strength and resilience that some of my friends have shown. I am sorry for your loss.

To quote: “If you live to be a hundred, I hope I live to be a hundred minus one day, so that I never have to live a day without you.”
—Winnie the Pooh

In answer to the question, I can’t mow the lawn, the lawn mower has a life of its own and we end up unevenly cut grass. I also seem incapable of digging a hole for plants. They either sink because it’s too big or they sit too high. This activity is a simple one, I have great attention to detail, measure and plan but I can never get it right.

* Whethertomorrow* I feel for you- it's early days and you must feel very raw still.
As to the question, I am utterly incompetent in all matters DIY. I can't put up a shelf, assemble flat-packed furniture or fix anything broken. In my defence neither my father nor my ex husband could do any of those things either.

I dont mess with the car, otherwise I can do most things a man can do, however, I would much rather ask my OH to do this that and the other because it’s easier and he likes being helpful.
We don’t share jobs though, because we work in different ways, we give each other “space” on those occasions

Thinking of you , my husband is with me and I would be lost without him. I sincerely hope the sun 🌞 will shine on you very soon .💐💐

I’m sorry Whethertomorrow, I should have added my sympathy and condolences to my post. Please forgive me. I am very sorry to hear of your loss. 💐