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Simple things WOMEN are unable to do!

(33 Posts)
Whethertomorrow Tue 07-Nov-23 14:01:58

This is in response to the simple things men are unable to do. The OP said it was said in humour but why post it in the AIBU thread?
When my dearest hubby was alive I was unable to do lots of things because he always did them first.
So I was unable to pick up poop, cut the grass, clean and maintain my car, organise workmen, put up shelves, decorate, remember things I forgot and many many more things. Oh and the most important thing of all he ate the mushroom stems that I hated!
All this supposedly humorous husband bashing is so upsetting to those of us who would gladly have them back in an instant. Sorry if I just didn’t pass on by the original post but I’m having a bad day of mourning and am typing this with tears in my eyes. Love your partners and cherish them.

Bella23 Tue 07-Nov-23 14:13:03

So sorry for you, only others in your position can really understand your grief flowers
I think we maybe need a Grandma's shed.
I can't change a plug luckily we don't have to anymore.
Sort the taps on sinks out with a wrench.
Put a nail in straight or a picture hook.
Do anything with a car.
Or work alongside DH as he is left-handed and does everything the opposite way to what I would, even loading the dishwasher.

sodapop Tue 07-Nov-23 15:16:23

So sorry Whethertomorrow I understand how sad you feel and how much you miss your husband. Its all the little things we take for granted which are most missed I think. Love that your husband ate all the mushroom stems for you.
Husband bashing can get a bit much on here sometimes but usually it's a bit of fun.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 07-Nov-23 15:42:17

I’m fortunate to still have my husband but I’m very aware of the things he does which I would find very difficult or even impossible. In this house though, I eat the mushroom stalks - he doesn’t like them!

Grammaretto Tue 07-Nov-23 15:43:19

It'll be 3 years this month when DH died so I do know how you feel whethertomorrow
A photo of him from 8 years ago has just popped up on Facebook.

I can just about cope with most things but I miss having him around. From those early days when there was so much to tell eachother after a day apart, to more recently when we were together almost all the time and there was no need for chatter.

He did quite a few of the jobs I couldn't and had a brilliant creative mind bursting with ideas, some of which came to fruition.

BlueBelle Tue 07-Nov-23 15:43:56

Sorry to hear that you are grieving, it sounds a new grief Wethertomorrow and it will take a long while to get used to your loss, one day you will be able to think without the tears and remember how lucky you were to have a caring husband
Cherish your memories

I ve been alone a long time and can paint decorate, lug furniture around, change plugs and muck out horrible blocked drains and I even eat the mushroom stalks 😂 (even when I wasn’t alone he was rarely around to do anything in the house anyway)
I wish you well and hope one day you ll smile again

M0nica Tue 07-Nov-23 16:11:00

I am dyspraxic, which means cack handed and clumsy and totally lacking any mechanical skills. DH is the exact opposite. We have the house we have because he is only happy up a ladder with a screwdriver or drill in his hands and, at 80, we are contemplating downsizing to a project house. DD has inherited all his skills.

DS is also dyspraxic, like me, we can do a some basic things, but otherwise, on our own, we have to buy in other people with DIY skills.

AGAA4 Tue 07-Nov-23 16:52:09

My DH used to do all the things he thought of as a job for a man but he died many years ago and I have had to manage most of those myself. I found I could decorate, garden and move house on my own as well as many other things he felt I shouldn't do.
We all have to go through the grieving process and I hope things will get better for you given time Whethertomorrow

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 07-Nov-23 17:08:42

I’m sorry Whethertomorrow, I should have added my sympathy and condolences to my post. Please forgive me. I am very sorry to hear of your loss. 💐

Shelflife Tue 07-Nov-23 18:44:46

Thinking of you , my husband is with me and I would be lost without him. I sincerely hope the sun 🌞 will shine on you very soon .💐💐

Katie59 Tue 07-Nov-23 18:58:08

I dont mess with the car, otherwise I can do most things a man can do, however, I would much rather ask my OH to do this that and the other because it’s easier and he likes being helpful.
We don’t share jobs though, because we work in different ways, we give each other “space” on those occasions

Chocolatelovinggran Tue 07-Nov-23 20:55:01

* Whethertomorrow* I feel for you- it's early days and you must feel very raw still.
As to the question, I am utterly incompetent in all matters DIY. I can't put up a shelf, assemble flat-packed furniture or fix anything broken. In my defence neither my father nor my ex husband could do any of those things either.

nandad Tue 07-Nov-23 21:18:48

A little over 40 years ago I was walking to work and realised I was crying because I had a thought that one day I might have to live without my fiancé. We have now been married for nearly 40 years and more and more I worry about having to live without my husband. I don’t know the pain you are going through Whethertomorrow but hope that should it happen to me that I have the strength and resilience that some of my friends have shown. I am sorry for your loss.

To quote: “If you live to be a hundred, I hope I live to be a hundred minus one day, so that I never have to live a day without you.”
—Winnie the Pooh

In answer to the question, I can’t mow the lawn, the lawn mower has a life of its own and we end up unevenly cut grass. I also seem incapable of digging a hole for plants. They either sink because it’s too big or they sit too high. This activity is a simple one, I have great attention to detail, measure and plan but I can never get it right.

halfpint1 Tue 07-Nov-23 21:22:24


Sorry to hear that you are grieving, it sounds a new grief Wethertomorrow and it will take a long while to get used to your loss, one day you will be able to think without the tears and remember how lucky you were to have a caring husband
Cherish your memories

I ve been alone a long time and can paint decorate, lug furniture around, change plugs and muck out horrible blocked drains and I even eat the mushroom stalks 😂 (even when I wasn’t alone he was rarely around to do anything in the house anyway)
I wish you well and hope one day you ll smile again


Cabbie21 Tue 07-Nov-23 21:31:03

I had a bit of practice doing the “ men’s work” before DH died as he did not have the stamina, but his hands were still strong. Now I struggle to open jars, bottles. Sometimes I think to ask someone in a shop eg if I am buying a bottle of bleach. The childproof ones are the worst.

I will wait till family visit if a light bulb in a ceiling light needs replacing as I don’t want to risk climbing up and reaching. DH was tall.

I never touch soil. I can’t bear it.

Redhead56 Tue 07-Nov-23 21:32:30

Whethertomorrow it’s very sad to hear you are grieving the loss of your beloved husband. I think it works both ways doing jobs around the house for me and my DH.
There are lots of things that he just cannot do he isn’t practical for painting and decorating etc. Its always been my job until recently now arthritis has put a stop to it we get a decorator in. My DH does have good skills if any tedious gadgets break down. We just muddle on together and admit defeat when we have to and ring our DS.

Jaxjacky Tue 07-Nov-23 21:45:06

My condolences Whethertomorrow for the sad loss in your life.
My daughter is a SP and has taught herself to do most household jobs, including gardening and basic car maintenance. It’s been a case of needs must and she doesn’t have cash to splash, we’re always in the wings, but she’s fiercely independent.

Norah Tue 07-Nov-23 21:54:59

Whethertomorrow flowers I'm sorry.

No, there's nothing much he can do that I can't do just as well - apart from tasks requiring big strength. I was home alone with our children whilst he worked and did extra time starting his business. I garden, decorate, diy minutia, manage the functions of home and family life quite well alone - I've had to.

nanna8 Wed 08-Nov-23 00:45:13

Mine does heaps of things I can’t do like cleaning the gutters out, running the swimming pool pump and cleaning it ( I haven’t a clue about all those chemicals and engines), fixing washers on taps, anything electrical, plumbing etc. He’s not a good cook but that is fine by me, and he is not interested in anything to do with the laundry, ironing, washing, vacuuming, cleaning stuff ( he wouldn’t notice anyway!)

paddyann54 Wed 08-Nov-23 00:57:32

I can do most things he does but I cant pee standing up ...that was a real issue when we toilet trained our son who wanted to do it like daddy did and I was no use at all.
I'll give everything else a go ,my late mum used to say I was the type of woman who got others in trouble ...their husbands would say if Paddy can do it why cant/wont you.I'm still carrying stacks of fencing and cutting down trees and happy to say I enjoy it at just months off 70

biglouis Wed 08-Nov-23 01:29:47

Ive always had to do "mens work" since I did not have a man to do it for me - my choice. In fact I was very good at decorating, assembling flatpack shelves, basic electricals and so on. Now I pay someone to do these jobs because of mobility issues. The problem is that if you live with a man in order to have someone to do these tasks then you are stuck with the man himself. You cant just put him in a cupboard and get him out when needed. Roll on robots.

Hetty58 Wed 08-Nov-23 05:55:27

I can do most things - mainly because I believe that I can, so will always try. Still, I'm nearly 70 so I'll just have to get somebody else to clear the gutters, as I'm no longer happy at the top of a ladder.

Things I used to do all at once, like clean all the floors - or all the windows (in a single day - how did I manage it?) are now spread out over a week or so. Yes, I've slowed down.

I've adapted the way I tackle tasks too. I now need my kneeling mat, my garden wheeled seat/storage box, magnifying glasses and work lamp. What used to be easy is quite a challenge now - I really must clean that cooker hood!

M0nica Wed 08-Nov-23 06:30:43

biglouis I have been living with the man in my life very happily for over 50 years. That he is very good at DIY was an added bonus not discovered until after the event.

As I said these skills are split in our family between father and daughter being deft, skilled and enjoying taking things apart and putting them together again and mother and son, both cack handed, able to do so much, but knowing when they need to get a plumber/electrician/car mechanic in.

So in our family it isn't even a gender issue. DS has a daughter who follows in the steps of her aunt. We do not know his son's capacities because he has yet to show any interest in anything practical.

BigBertha1 Wed 08-Nov-23 07:24:21

Deterministic I am so sorry about your loss and that you were having a bad day when you write this. I take your point about pressuring our husbands. My point is that mine tried to stop me doing things as he wants to save me stress, cutting myself, falling over and probably even electrifying myself. I want to do as much I can but know I have limitations. We have little rows about i and I sometimes moan about him to my sister and she considerate and has a moan about her husband. Trying to strike a balance hetr

BigBertha1 Wed 08-Nov-23 07:26:38

Sorry I doing this on a Kindle and it changes words. My post was meant to start with the OPs name whethertomorrow...sincere apologies.