AIBU to think that a parent should be able to deal with a 10 year old threatening her with a hammer and garden shears?

Icanhandthemback- my heart goes to your family. Sometimes the advice is well meant but not always given by an expert
Child Adolescent Psychology or Psychiatry are generally better trained and supervised than staff in children’s services. I’m generalising and apologise for that. I have worked in both organisations
The advice you summarise sounds prescriptive
I don’t appreciate the rejection of possible ND or suggestio considering it is child blaming
Some children are more difficult to bring up than others. Parent blaming especially when parents are looking for support won’t help.

It’s good to see so many posters opposed to physical chastisement

You can be strict and be a disciplinarian without violence, and if you can't - then you've probably created the 'monster' child yourself!

Ugh!

Far too much generalisation in this comment and as for the “Ugh!” I think Ugh to that.

I was smacked as a child and I’m not violent at all. My best friend from childhood and her brother were children of Irish immigrants who really did wallop the pair of them, often with belts etc. Neither class themselves as abused children and both are very laid back and not in the slightest bit violent.

As for social services, they do love an easy option. Criminalise decent parents for smacking a child but do nothing for those poor children being brutalised regularly even when reports from concerned relatives and neighbours are received.

There are some assumptions here. The child might not have eaten her mother's cannabis edibles but got them in another way. Also, are they cannabis edibles or CBD edibles, a very different thing but often described similarly. This mother may be a good Mum but desperate.

As to "gentle parenting", you would soon find yourself in trouble with Social Services if there was a good hiding being meted out. My grandchild throws things, hits out and does the most dreadful things and SS are involved because her parents asked for help. Advice is dependent on the Social Worker involved but almost without exception you are not allowed to punish by removing items or often a reward if they do what they need to do and then don't give it to them if they don't. You must never, ever say that you wonder if the child is Neuro Diverse (ND) either because then you are blaming the child for their behaviour. It MUST be something the parent is doing. They can tell you very definitely what you can't do but have no advice as to what you can do. I kid you not but even the school stepped in and suggested that Social Services were making things worse, not better. After 8 years with on and off "help" they are at last considering that maybe she is ND but refuse to agree with school as to what form it takes. Meanwhile the violence escalates and as she heads towards teenage years, other problems are gaining traction. There are times when her mother would welcome a good tasering (joke)!

I am not saying I never, ever smacked my children but there were limited occasions and only when they insisted on sticking their fingers in the plug sockets and I considered it safer to smack than let them electrocute themselves. Five of the Six knew the rules and knew that they would face my disappointment if they broke them and, on the whole, that was enough. The last knew the rules and didn't break them but would make life as difficult as possible in every way.

www.northants.police.uk/police-forces/northamptonshire-police/areas/northamptonshire-force-content/sd/stats-and-data/taser/#:~:text=What%20is%20Taser%3F,to%20temporarily%20incapacitate%20a%20person.

A different force but I think this is interesting information

I would however question why they were carrying a taser gun..

If the officer is taser trained, they carry one at all times.

we also don't know the effect the cannabis had on the child.. I think tasering is too extreme but these young police officers probably haven't had a lot of experience in violent situations.. I would however question why they were carrying a taser gun.. they should have been taught de-escalation procedures as we were in psychiatric hospitals..

When you whack a child - are you not teaching them, subliminally, that violence is the way to solve their problems?

If your parent(s) get angry with you and lash out - how are you going to react in future when someone makes you angry?

It's not "woke" or "soft" to not hit children as a corrective method. It's common sense.

You can be strict and be a disciplinarian without violence, and if you can't - then you've probably created the 'monster' child yourself!

Ugh!

😲
Unlike most children brought up in the 1950s and 60s, I never had a smack, let alone a good walloping.

I seem to have grown up knowing right from wrong.

biglouis

Some children are feral thanks to all this so called "gentle" parenting. A good old fashioned whalloping would do them the world of good.

My lovely dad would always say thant's what your right hand is for followed by a short sharp slap.

The police can’t do right for doing wrong these days. The mother should be made to explain how her daughter came to be in possession of cannabis edibles, whatever they are and also why is she such an ineffectual parent.

Having 4 boys myself, none of them dared to challenge me because their feet would not have touched the ground

because their feet would not have touched the ground
Do you mean you'd have hit them and knocked them flying? 😲

Mine were often 'challenging', but they all seem to have grown up into decent, caring adults with a social conscience.

biglouis

Some children are feral thanks to all this so called "gentle" parenting. A good old fashioned whalloping would do them the world of good.

No, some children are out of control because their parent(s) have absolutely no clue about how to parent, let alone live an ordered life themselves.
Probably no regular meals, a house in disorder with a parent who takes drugs or leave cannabis sweets around for her child to sample.

A walloping is not the answer for a child who is lost.

A good old fashioned whalloping would do them the world of good.

Where is the emoji for despair...

A 'feral' child is the product of a tumultuous upbringing by a parent or parents who are, themselves, unable to do the job, for various reasons. But whatever the reasons, they create instability for children.

But, sure - encourage these erratic parents to give the child a good old-fashioned whalloping... I'm sure that will solve all the family's problems... the answer to violence, is to teach the child to use more of it - what could possibly go wrong? <<<sigh>>>

BigLouis I too disagree with you. To an extent it is based on what you mean by 'gentle' parenting.

If 'gentle' parenting means giving into their every demand then, then I would agree. But it is perfectly possible to bring a child up to be controlled and civilised without having to physically punish them.

A lot of it is about the parent making clear that they are the adult and that the child must behave in a non-disruptive way.

Most of this is done by the parent assuming an adult and confident manner and just expecting the child to behave, and being firm and non-violent in insisting that they do when they try to do otherwise.

Rights not responsibilities seems to be the prevalent attitude now.
When I was teaching in a college, we called in the parents of a Turkish boy who had very sexist views and treated female pupils and teachers with absolute contempt. The father ended up complaining to the principal that we were abusing his son’s culture as it was acceptable in Turkey to be abusive to women !

Walloping kids is illegal here so it wouldn’t do a lot of good - the kid would possibly be taken into care. I feel sorry for single mums with unruly kids,I don’t think there is much help out there for them and people do judge. Why she actually called the police I wouldn’t know, but it seems a tad extreme.

With all the violence and conflict on media and video games I’m not at all surprised that some single mothers can’t cope with unruly 10 yr olds.
Having 4 boys myself, none of them dared to challenge me because their feet would not have touched the ground. To me parenting was very much carrot and stick, to get what they wanted they had to toe the line and there were penalties.

Today some parents get it wrong from the start, they ask “what would you like for supper darling” if mine were asked that theywould all want something different, so it was always, beans on toast or fish fingers or whatever and all had the same.

It’s clear from reports that ‘this child had an awful lot to deal with as a young girl’.
biglouis - a good walloping never helped any one, child or adult, to improve their behaviour.

Unkind remark Biglouis You ve no idea if this child was feral I wouldn’t advocate a good old fashioned whallop for any child I never ‘whalloped’ any of my children and my grandchildren have never beenwhalloped nor was I come to that
I think the police well over reacted by tasoring a child The original post says shouldn’t a mother be able to manage a 10 year old child, well apparently two police officers couldn’t !!

My question to the mother would be how did the child get hold of cannibis food ? And indeed the weapons are hardly things you d have in the kitchen drawer. so a lot of questions
We know no background was she normally a good kid sent crazy by the cannibis ? Or is she indeed from a poor background
Bit judgemental to decide the family is dysfunctional with no information Nana8 As for kids being shot in other countries does that make it all ok then !!! Weird remark

Another dysfunctional family. I was wondering exactly what the police were supposed to do, smile and say ,‘naughty girl/boy?’ Kid would have been shot in some countries.

Some children are feral thanks to all this so called "gentle" parenting. A good old fashioned whalloping would do them the world of good.

Golly,the teen years are going to be a little trying in that household.

Blimey!

I apologise for my link incompetence. I’ve read the Guardian, independent and sky news on this.
It happened in 2021. The police were called by mum after her 10 year old threatened her, picked up sheers, hit her with a hammer and was banging, hitting things with the implements. She may have eaten cannabis in food.
Mum called the police. Two officers arrived. The child didn’t put the hammer/shears down when requested, she backed up the stairs. She was tapered twice by one officer
A subsequent police inquiry cleared the officer of misconduct.
The family made a complaint resulting in the present misconduct hearing.
The mum had confiscated the child’s mobile phone because of safeguarding concerns on her online activity. This led to the angry outbursts. The news reports refer to the child ‘having an awful lot to deal with as a young girl ‘

I have sympathy for the mum, child and police involved.

The police would have needed to act to prevent this child from harming herself, her mother and them. Why call the police if you're then going to complain about the situation was handled?