Gransnet forums

AIBU

AIBU to think that a parent should be able to deal with a 10 year old threatening her with a hammer and garden shears?

(88 Posts)
M0nica Mon 27-Nov-23 17:36:59

even if she had consumed 'cannabis edibles.

When my two, a boy and a girl, were ten, I was bigger stronger and more intelligent than either of them, and a child holding a hammer and garden shears, which will be relatively large compared with them is at a distinct disadvantage.

I would have thought one quick movement could have resolved the issue or alternatively a carefully relaxing conversation.

Instead this mother called the police. I will make no comment on what followed. It is the first half of the incident that boggles me.

eazybee Mon 27-Nov-23 17:44:20

Don't know the circumstances of this incident but some ten year olds are pretty hefty and strong.

eazybee Mon 27-Nov-23 17:51:21

Just found an account; seems as though a police officer will be accused of gross misconduct because a mother was frightened of her out-of-control daughter who had consumed cannabis edibles, called the police and then objected to how they treated her.
Will the mother be blamed? Of course not.

M0nica Mon 27-Nov-23 17:53:21

The mother could always have just walked into another room and shut the door. The child would have to put the 'weapons' down to open the door.

Mollygo Mon 27-Nov-23 18:29:34

I can’t comment without knowing the full story, but even a five-year-old can do a lot of damage with a pair of shears and a hammer.
If Mum really thought she couldn’t control her child so much that she called the police, what did she want?
If the police had done nothing and the child had used the hammer or the shears, Mum would have complained that the police did nothing.
I’m not sure about tasering a 10 year old, but I wasn’t there to see what went on.

Iam64 Mon 27-Nov-23 18:48:48

I don’t know enough about this so shouldn’t comment but - my initial thoughts are was this child and her family known to the Police? Is there a history of police being called to aggressive, out of control children/adults
Is it necessary to taser a 10 year old? I don’t know, I wasn’t there.
Should the mother have been able to manage it - maybe but, I wonder if this is the first time this child threatened her mum. Even if she was under the influence (and how did that happen) it’s extreme behaviour
Right - off to read up

M0nica Mon 27-Nov-23 18:56:19

As I said, my comments were limited to the story before the police were called.

Iam64 Mon 27-Nov-23 18:58:04

Yes, I understand that MOnica but the back story is also relevant except we don’t yet know what it is

Shelflife Mon 27-Nov-23 19:07:35

Don't know the background to this story , but whatever that is one disturbed child. She may have a history of aggressive and dangerous behaviour, an angry 10 year old can be very strong and her mother was probably and understandably frightened. If she feared for her safety and for the mental health of her child calling the police was absolutely the correct thing to do.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 27-Nov-23 19:17:44

I have no idea what you’re talking about. Perhaps you could post a link?

Callistemon21 Mon 27-Nov-23 19:33:14

When I saw the heading I thought it was going to be One of Those Threads then saw the name of the poster.

I can't comment until I've read more but how did this child get hold of cannabis edibles?

MerylStreep Mon 27-Nov-23 19:37:17

What if the Mother was 4’10’’ size 6 like my friend and had a daughter who was over 5’ and very strong like my granddaughter ?

Callistemon21 Mon 27-Nov-23 19:42:03

MerylStreep

What if the Mother was 4’10’’ size 6 like my friend and had a daughter who was over 5’ and very strong like my granddaughter ?

And had left her cannabis edibles around for her daughter to munch on?

Did the police realise she was just a child?

Now the police are undergoing a misconduct hearing.
Social Services should be involved, if not already. This child needs help and the mother perhaps needs to undergo a disciplinary too.

Smileless2012 Mon 27-Nov-23 19:48:26

The police would have needed to act to prevent this child from harming herself, her mother and them. Why call the police if you're then going to complain about the situation was handled?

Iam64 Mon 27-Nov-23 20:10:00

I apologise for my link incompetence. I’ve read the Guardian, independent and sky news on this.
It happened in 2021. The police were called by mum after her 10 year old threatened her, picked up sheers, hit her with a hammer and was banging, hitting things with the implements. She may have eaten cannabis in food.
Mum called the police. Two officers arrived. The child didn’t put the hammer/shears down when requested, she backed up the stairs. She was tapered twice by one officer
A subsequent police inquiry cleared the officer of misconduct.
The family made a complaint resulting in the present misconduct hearing.
The mum had confiscated the child’s mobile phone because of safeguarding concerns on her online activity. This led to the angry outbursts. The news reports refer to the child ‘having an awful lot to deal with as a young girl ‘

I have sympathy for the mum, child and police involved.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 27-Nov-23 20:15:09

Blimey!

Chocolatelovinggran Mon 27-Nov-23 21:05:26

Golly,the teen years are going to be a little trying in that household.

biglouis Tue 28-Nov-23 01:49:13

Some children are feral thanks to all this so called "gentle" parenting. A good old fashioned whalloping would do them the world of good.

nanna8 Tue 28-Nov-23 01:54:08

Another dysfunctional family. I was wondering exactly what the police were supposed to do, smile and say ,‘naughty girl/boy?’ Kid would have been shot in some countries.

BlueBelle Tue 28-Nov-23 07:11:17

Unkind remark Biglouis You ve no idea if this child was feral I wouldn’t advocate a good old fashioned whallop for any child I never ‘whalloped’ any of my children and my grandchildren have never beenwhalloped nor was I come to that
I think the police well over reacted by tasoring a child The original post says shouldn’t a mother be able to manage a 10 year old child, well apparently two police officers couldn’t !!

My question to the mother would be how did the child get hold of cannibis food ? And indeed the weapons are hardly things you d have in the kitchen drawer. so a lot of questions
We know no background was she normally a good kid sent crazy by the cannibis ? Or is she indeed from a poor background
Bit judgemental to decide the family is dysfunctional with no information Nana8 As for kids being shot in other countries does that make it all ok then !!! Weird remark

Iam64 Tue 28-Nov-23 08:17:47

It’s clear from reports that ‘this child had an awful lot to deal with as a young girl’.
biglouis - a good walloping never helped any one, child or adult, to improve their behaviour.

Katie59 Tue 28-Nov-23 08:20:08

With all the violence and conflict on media and video games I’m not at all surprised that some single mothers can’t cope with unruly 10 yr olds.
Having 4 boys myself, none of them dared to challenge me because their feet would not have touched the ground. To me parenting was very much carrot and stick, to get what they wanted they had to toe the line and there were penalties.

Today some parents get it wrong from the start, they ask “what would you like for supper darling” if mine were asked that theywould all want something different, so it was always, beans on toast or fish fingers or whatever and all had the same.

nanna8 Tue 28-Nov-23 08:34:25

Walloping kids is illegal here so it wouldn’t do a lot of good - the kid would possibly be taken into care. I feel sorry for single mums with unruly kids,I don’t think there is much help out there for them and people do judge. Why she actually called the police I wouldn’t know, but it seems a tad extreme.

nandad Tue 28-Nov-23 09:03:31

Rights not responsibilities seems to be the prevalent attitude now.
When I was teaching in a college, we called in the parents of a Turkish boy who had very sexist views and treated female pupils and teachers with absolute contempt. The father ended up complaining to the principal that we were abusing his son’s culture as it was acceptable in Turkey to be abusive to women !

M0nica Tue 28-Nov-23 09:11:54

BigLouis I too disagree with you. To an extent it is based on what you mean by 'gentle' parenting.

If 'gentle' parenting means giving into their every demand then, then I would agree. But it is perfectly possible to bring a child up to be controlled and civilised without having to physically punish them.

A lot of it is about the parent making clear that they are the adult and that the child must behave in a non-disruptive way.

Most of this is done by the parent assuming an adult and confident manner and just expecting the child to behave, and being firm and non-violent in insisting that they do when they try to do otherwise.