To be blindsided by DNA test?.

I think family therapy could prevent or reconcile many estrangements

Please follow GSM’s posts here buttonjugs.

VioletSky you aren’t an expert on Therapy. Recommending Family Therapy in these circumstances shows that .u

In this instance I think family therapy would be incredibly helpful

Many mental health disorders, Personality disorders and addictions stem from unresolved trauma and adverse childhood experiences

Not everyone needs therapy, VS. Nothing wrong with it for those who do, but for many people it's not necessary.

No, lots of people dislike therapy and resist personal growth sadly

Germanshepherdsmum

I rather doubt either of them would want that. What a strange suggestion, I; the circumstances.

Agreed. On all counts, GSM 🙄.

It's an odd situation as as far as I can tell, nobody stands to gain or lose whatever happens, unless the son can prove that his actual father is a millionaire looking for an heir or something.

I don't know why the son should lie, if the information given is all there is to know. I suppose that if this were a soap opera it might turn out that the man had wanted to leave money to the OP after feeling guilty about not supporting her during pregnancy and bringing up his child, but her son wanted to block this out of spite. In real life that scenario is highly unlikely though.

I rather doubt either of them would want that. What a strange suggestion, I; the circumstances.

I am sure OP would have access to any potential proof with a better relationship and it is clearly stated that there is more than one potential father

This mother and son would benefit from family therapy

Exactly GSM. None of the responses here have stereotyped addiction. Buttonjugs knows that sadly her son has a history of lying, and his claim about the DNA test has been called into question, to say the least.

Nobody is stereotyping addiction. The OP has told us of her son’s character. If you RTFT you will see why the conclusion has been drawn that he is not telling the truth.

I suppose it is unfortunately easy to stereotype addiction but there is in fact a human being behind the addiction who needs help and research states that trauma is the most likely cause.. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) being the most likely

Germanshepherdsmum

*VS*, the OP says her son is ‘a pathological liar’. Nobody here has invented that.

Oh, indeed, you said "I don't think your son is telling the truth"

VS It has also been shown that he could not possibly have this information and it looks unlikely that any DNA testing has been done.

His story is a tissue of lies, so why should the OP take it seriously?

VS, the OP says her son is ‘a pathological liar’. Nobody here has invented that.

Please come back ButtonJugs and let us know your thoughts.

Addressing some of the comments:

Suffering with addiction doesn't equate to "liar". Addiction usually manifests due the person having unresolved trauma

To OP:

I would take what he is saying at face value and get yourself some help to cope with this news. It will be difficult for your son too, especially as he must be able to do the maths and know that your teenage years must have been troubling for you

Buttonjugs, it is possible that you have been wrong all this time.

I have seen a tv programme where this young woman was totally convinced that this young lad was the father of her son since her son had a striking resemblance to him but DNA proved he was not the father.

The only proof of paternity is DNA. Anything else is mere speculation.

If he is telling the truth and he has such a close match to his DNA from someone other than the man you thought must be his father then there is no dispute. This must be a close match . However had the man you though was his father done a DNA test or his other children or parents done one ? If not there is no proof he is or is not the dad . To conclude is there a very close match for someone else ( they tell you if this would be his father ) or is there no proof either way if no close matches at all .

MerylStreep

No wonder abusers get away with it judging by a couple of comments here. Also, good to know how your minds work.

I'm glad the comment from crazyH was removed. Totally uncalled for and offensive.

We can see how victim-blaming works. No wonder there is the need for organisations like Child-Line, etc.

You are obviously a survivor.. follow your instincts on this one and don't let your son punish you.. as Monica says.. be kind to yourself

Buttonjugs I am both with those who feel only pity and sympathy for the abused 15 year old you were when you had these liaisons that led to the birth of your son and also, absolutely with GSM in the advice she gives. She is a solicitor, so knows whta she is talking about.

At the end of the day, does it matter who his father was, you are his mother and raised him, his father has had little to do with him.

His tragic descent into drug addiction is not your fault. You yourself were used and abused as a child and I suspect may not have had an easy life since, either when he was young, or now and sadly the problems that affect struggling families keep going through the generations.

You are right to disbelieve anything your son says about his parentage, inheritance or anything else. He was watching or listening to a tv programme that featured it, and thought it a good 'joke' to use it to wind you up.

Be kind to yourself.

No wonder abusers get away with it judging by a couple of comments here. Also, good to know how your minds work.

GSM gives good advice here buttonjugs

kircubbin2000

Sounds dodgy. Look at the user name.

And 🤷‍♀️ This poster has posted on GN many times.

kircubbin2000

Sounds dodgy. Look at the user name.

Buttonjugs is a regular poster.