Are table manners important anymore?

I think all manners are important, I believe in “Manners maketh the man”. I am strict with DGC table manners as are their parents. This goes for thank you notes.

I can't stand children being allowed to run about in eating places. Just total lack of consideration from the adults responsible for them. Suppose it highlights what goes on at home. On table manners I've come to accept some people have no idea how to use a knife and fork, I don't like it but feel it's a losing battle. What I cannot stand is both elbows on the table, arms upright, head down and shuffling food in with a fork. Think this has come about with looking at mobile phone parked on the table. I asked to be moved to another table once when all I could see was a teenager eating like this. I felt like emptying his plate onto the floor.

We have had several examples through the thread of differing ways of eating according to country or culture or type of food, so I do think some of the particularities of British table manners might be a little out- dated in a multi-cultural society.

Personally I use just a fork to eat quite a few meals especially rice-based ones, though it would not be my habit to hold the bowl close to my face and shovel food in, as I have seen the staff in Chinese restaurants do. In some Asian cultures food is eaten without cutlery. In France children are taught to put their hands on the table as fists, when not actually eating.

But I think it is important that children are brought up to behave in public and in other people’s homes or at a formal dinner. If they are not taught at home, they will embarrass themselves later.( Mind you, we have seen appalling behaviour from public school students yet they must know what is expected at their formal dinners).

So my minimum would be, wait until everyone is served unless told otherwise, don’t eat with your mouth open, don’t talk with your mouthful, and try to conform with the cultural norms of the people you are eating with( as far as is reasonable). Be neat and tidy with cutlery. Don’t cough all over everyone, don’t complain, be polite. No mobile phones. Make conversation, include the children. Stay seated until everyone leaves the table or ask to be excused.

@whiff
I agree that manners and courtesy are important. And sadly lacking these days. However, I think it’s more important to treat others how THEY would like to be treated.

Why on earth would table manners not be important? Meals are community 'spaces' to be treated with respect. So you don't do anything that gives the wrong 'vibe' or may be offensive. An elbow may not matter, lolling over your plate does as it signals you are not involved and not bothered (especially about your digestion). At the table there should be courtesy 'Pass the ketchup please' and an awareness of other people having what they need. Definitely no phones, no eating with mouth open or any other anti-social behaviour. I gently remind my grandchildren of their manners if necessary - after all I am the grandparent! - and their parents agree (but do not always reinforce) There does not have to be a big 'thing' made of it, just a nudge, and approval when someone does something right.

"Are table manners important"?

Yes, in as much as they affect others at the table with you.

Drinking one's tea out of bone china with the pinkie extended, not so much!

The poster who related her experience in the restaurant where a family allowed their children to run riot - and presumably spoil everyone else's meal - makes me so angry because I've had to put up with the same thing, while I sat with my four year old son - who I'd kept out of restaurants until he was able to behave like a civilised child. The owner of the establishment deserves to lose trade if he allows children to behave like savages.

I think the "elbows on table" issue is fine if everyone has finished eating and is sitting making conversation over coffee, more wine, etc, late into the evening. Which is entirely different to leaning elbows on the table the better to shovel in the food with the other hand.

I can't stand people who smell their food before eating it. I have seen this done on some of the cooking shows on TV and I have seen people do it in restaurants. A lot of common courtesy seems to have disappeared these days in my personal opinion. Please and thank you, waiting your turn, and the worst one of all cellphone usage. Taking pictures wherever, talking on cellphones loudly anywhere. Had one ring at a funeral and the person actually answered it during the service

Yes table manners are important. It makes eating in a group a pleasant experience.
Sitting upright and bringing food to mouth not bending low and shovelling or eating or talking with a full mouth. Washing hands and putting eating implements together at the end of the meal. Maybe thanking the chef too!
Costs nothing and makes the quality of life a lot better.

I was brought up in quite a strict manner, but in recent years my son’s girlfriend was Portuguese, a lovely girl. On one family occasion she suddenly asked why we all said please and thank you constantly around the meal table, ie. ‘pass the peas please, thanks’. She said in her family it would be ‘can you pass the peas?’ Stupid example, but you know what I mean.
It really made me think, we are all products of our upbringing.

mclaysmith

Both my husband’s parents, and mine, were very particular about table manners. “Mabel, Mabel, elbows off the table”, etc. Does anyone care anymore?
Do you bother teaching the GCs good manners when their parents aren’t there?

As children, we were all taught good manners, at the table and in general, by our parents and at school.
In turn we have taught our own children good manners and they have taught their children just the same.
There is never any need for us to teach our GC as they already know how to behave at the table. and how to behave in public. Surely, it is all part of life skills?

Talking of manners elsewhere, I’ve always found chopsticks very difficult with rice, so was interested to see a party of Chinese tourists (in Indonesia) holding the bowls very close to their mouths and simply passing the food in.

I’m not saying that it’s usual - my Singaporean Chinese SiL certainly doesn’t do it! - but it was interesting to see and I certainly began to understand why ‘sticky rice’ is popular!

I think that there has been a great decline in table manners because families often don’t eat together any more. I once took a bunch of sixth formers away and I was appalled at their manners: eating with their fingers, grabbing food off other people’s plates and lounging along the seating - all in restaurants!

I taught my children table manners They know what cutlery to use in more upmarket restaurants when necessary. Unfortunately, I only use a fork and as my husband died when they were young they copied me!
I only have one arm so I am afraid you don't like it don't look! But I never really realised until a friend of a son asked what his mother thought of eating with just a fork apparently he told them nothing she does too lol 😆 then I realized a bit too late for home life most of the time now

For our family it’s always been the sitting round the table and talking, whilst you’re eating.
We’ve had some of our best discussions and sorted out many problems over dinner 😊

My children and grandchildren were taught table manners at home. They all use knives and forks correctly and chopsticks or hands as the occasion warrants. My grandsons eat out regularly and take puzzle books with them, but these are put away when the meal arrives.

My daughter went out for a meal with new colleagues the other week and said one of them remarked on how well she used her cutlery! We thought that was a strange thing to say as my daughter is 34!

Most definitely manners are imperative. I do teach my family good manners.
If I’m having a meal out, I'm aware of others manners. If good manners slip a little then it’s acceptable. If poor manners slip, then we’re on the slopes to living like animals. ‘Manners maketh…..’
Queuing in shops or public transport, ladies first, Grace before and after meals, men walking on the road side of the pavement, men paying for meals, not interrupting when others are speaking, saying excuse me or pardon me, the ability to use cutlery, P’s and Q’s, eating in the street, drinking in the street. Standing for the elderly, respecting others views. not gossiping. Oh the list is endless.
Thank you for reading!

Nanna8 just wondering if you are American hope you don’t mind me asking but I’ve noticed the majority of Americans just use a fork

My mother was very strict about table manners and so am I with my grandchildren as are my daughter and son - in - law.
I am a great believer in “Manners Maketh the Man. This goes for thank you notes and holding doors open. Years ago I stayed in an hotel and after dinner a group of ladies gathered round talking including me, when an elderly lady joined us we all stood up as she entered, old fashioned? what is wrong with that?

Table Manners are important. It was drummed into us at home and in school, by the Headmistress in particular. No eating with mouth open, no talking with food in the mouth. Handling cutlery correctly, and my pet hate, not signalling that you have finished the meal by placing the cutlery pointing at 12.00 and 6.00 on the plate.

We've brought our children up to have table manners, even the public schoolboy, and to have basic good manners. They don't talk with their mouths full nor do they chew with their mouth open. However, my daughter has always had problems using a knife as her fingers dislocate so despite many years of me trying to get her to hold her knife properly, to cut her meat not tear it, I had to admit defeat. She actually hates eating in front of anybody who isn't family because she is fully aware of other people's expectations. I don't judge these days about how people hold their knives and forks but I do about whether they are spitting food at me or showing me their tonsils as they eat!

I think table manners reflect the upbringing of an individual, once taught remain forever. It also means you can take your children out for a meal without embarrassment.

Dears not fears

grandMattie

I was brought up very very strictly re. table manners, but was very confused as the French table manners are often the opposite of the British ones. Elbows on the table for example.
My children were brought up no eating with their mouths open, speaking with their mouths full, etc., but not very strict.
What I can’t abide is the fork in a closed fist, knives in the left hand for a right handed person, and worst of all, keeping arms on the table and lowering the head to the “trough”. Ugh!

I agree, I can’t stand eating with mouth open and shovelling food into mouth and holding your knife like a pen is a no no for me. Call me old fashioned but frankly my fears I don’t give a damn.

I think nice manners, especially table manners, are still important andi hope they always will be, but I seriously doubt it!!! I went out to Sunday lunch recently, to a very nice “ upmarket” local restaurant attached to a lovely country pub. I was appalled by the behaviour of the very large family group on a table next to ours. There was a total of five children, ranging from a babe in arms to approx 7/8 years in age. They had crayons and colouring books on the table and toys, alongside their plates of food. The food was largely ignored as they played, screaming and shouting very excitedly as if they were in the playground, frequently leaving their seats and running around the other tables and chairs,playing tag and Heaven knows what other games, rolling on the floor, crawling under tables, really appalling behaviour whilst their parents blissfully drank their numerous bottles of wine and completely ignored them, , even when one toddle sat with his bum on the edge of the table almost in his dinner, with their feet on the chair!!! I learned afterwards that they are regular users of the restaurant, related to the owners, so I won’t be going there again!

I cannot understand why people no longer teach their children how to use their cutlery. So many young people have no idea what to do with a knife and fork, they spear food and eat it like a lollipop, or worse still, pick everything up in their hands - fine for babies, but disgusting to watch in anyone else!