To ask my son for a refund?

I cannot afford to stay in a hotel/air bnb for 3 weeks, and I don't even like Australia - I've done all the sightseeing I wanted to over the past 7 years since he's been there, so the only reason I'd visit would be to see my granddaughter (who is now a week old)
That sounds pretty much like what BlueBelle understood you to say.

Nobody descends on a young family with a new baby for three weeks unless specifically asked to go to help.
Your flexible ticket was precisely that - flexible did not mean refundable but to be used another time.
I don’t think you can ask them to fund an air B and B or hotel for three weeks either- of course if they are so well off that they offer, that would make life much easier.
Sadly this is one of the major problems of family on the “other side of the world “
I hope bridges can be built to repair the relationship (again, if the baby is newborn, you said a week old? they may not have had time to open presents or even think and I certainly would not expect a newborn to be awake! From my experience of my own they were either awake and crying, feeding or, if you were very very very lucky, asleep!)

JackK

Grams2five. Because I cannot afford a hotel for 3 weeks. Because I wouldn't enjoy staying alone in a country I don't even like for 3 weeks. And because I don't want to go back.

You didn’t say you hated Oz but you said you don’t like it - see above.

There's a big difference between disliking something and hating it GSM.

I go with the analogy that Benjamin Franklin voiced.
Guests are like fish, they both go off after 3 days.
Having said that, we have 2 male friends who I could easily live with.

Thank you Smileless2012! Exactly!

Sorry Jack you didn’t say hated you said in a country that I disliked! and you mentioned you didn’t like it more than once There’s really not a lot of difference is there ? A bit pedantic

I have tried to look at this from both sides and I think you have mostly looked at it from your perspective and only like the posters who have done the same but when you post on here you have to accept that there will be posters who see it from both sides and it may be an eye opener for you
The bit that lost me was when you said but I shall never return and .*I would prefer not to bond with her, than to be hurt further down the line* give it all a chance you can’t make a decision when you are still so upset and disappointed
Certainly no character assasination from me just trying to look at it all from a balanced point of view

This forum's title is AIBU so I feel you are asking to be told you either are or are not being unreasonable.
I must remember not to reply if I can't agree with the poster.
As for sending someone over the edge with my response. Really?

Perhaps OP does not understand what AIBU stands for?
Does not realise she was asking “ Am I being unreasonable?”
The answer was and remains “Yes”.

It does.

No from me it doesn't.

Not from me it doesn't.

You stated you had purchased a flexible ticket. I would check with son and DIL first, but aim for a shorter visit when the baby is about 6 months old. Perhaps for 10 days, and check for any air bnb's nearby.

Please don't write off the relationship, you can hope for many years to come of visiting.

I don't think she was being unreasonable because I think the whole visit was almost bound to fail.. on both sides..

I kept telling myself "leave it, leave it!" but here I am again 😃
However, I DEFINITELY shall leave it after this ... life is too short to stand my ground with strangers! I haven't argued with your 'yeses or nos', I've argued with the way they've been articulated.
Pascal30, Canadiangran and Smileless: your responses have been a pleasure to read.
Rosiesmaw, Bluebelle and Germanshepherdsmum: Thank you for your thoughtful responses which were sent with kindness rather than unkindness. Although Bluebelle - there really IS a lot of difference - I don't like one of my neighbours, but I don't hate him 😆
Grammaretto: over the edge - yes - there are some fragile people about.
And probably many of those people on forums such as these 😟
You'll be pleased to know that I AM going to leave it now - thank you all again for your advice 😊

Bye then

JackK

Silver lining, Smileless2012 and Pascal30, thank you!
Although Pascal30, I did want her company - I wanted to get to know her, as we'd never met ... and my son loves her - and she was carrying my old grandchild. She didn't escape - that is their normal routine: they are both self employed, so arrange their days arrange afternoons at the beach!

So was your DIL attempting to work in her own business, while heavily pregnant with a house guest at her home for 3 weeks?

It sounds like a very difficult situation for her.

Well then it seems
You’ve made your decision jackK. What a pity you so easily give up on seeing your son and his family. I can only imagine in a few years time it will be I’ve never met my grandaughter because my awful dil and son won’t visit me! And why would they when you’ve decided you’ll never visit them either. Heaven forbid perhaps they won’t “care for the uk”. In short yes you’re being most unreasonable and acting the petulant child about it. As for smileless I’ve yet to see a grandparent on here she’d ever find unreasonable. No matter how ridiculous the behavior she most always sees it as correct and they the perpetual victim of their unkind adult children. I guess I missed the memo that when we became grandparents we were free to become inflexible overbearing imposing people and should face zero consequences for it

As for smileless I’ve yet to see a grandparent on here she’d ever find unreasonable. No matter how ridiculous the behavior she most always sees it as correct and they the perpetual victim of their unkind adult children

That is incorrect. I'm not going to trawl through threads to find examples but I know I have seen that poster tell GPs their behaviour is inappropriate or whatever just as they have also said in other posts that a problem is caused by AC or whatever.

Thank you Madgran.

You're clearly very selective when it comes to 'remembering' my responses to similar situations Grams2five. I do not almost always regard the behaviour of parents and/or GP's as correct, seeing them as the perpetual victim of their unkind adult children.

I am however able to see when an AC's behaviour is unkind and unacceptable but I guess I must have missed the memo that when we become GP's, we have no right to be treated with consideration and if there is a problem, it's always going to be our fault and never the fault of our AC.

I’m disappointed that the OP has given up so easily and taken up such an entrenched position. Staying for three weeks with a heavily pregnant woman she had never met before, with her son only taking four days off work, was a recipe for disaster. As was booking another flight so quickly. Saying she would rather not bond with her grandchild than be hurt again is, as Madgran says, acting the petulant child.

Madgran hasn't said the OP is acting the petulant child, she always manages to express her point of view without making personal insults. It's a shame that some posters are unable to do likewise.

Aveline

Bye then

Do you think you’re being clever with your cocky and dismissive post?

You’re just showing everyone how rude and arrogant you are.

My apologies, it was Grams2five.

To the OP if you’re still reading. Ignore certain posters, they revel in being nasty and provocative in these type of threads. As soon as I see their names I know there’s a sneering comment on the way.

You have every right to feel disappointed and upset. Enjoy your stay with your friend on Orkney and remember that, on here, MIL/DIL threads always bring out the nasties.

Jack so sorry to hear about your plight. As suggested by other posters, change your ticket to later in the year and shorten your stay, perhaps your son can pick up the bill for a week's stay in a B&B. You bought the ticket to visit after the baby was born so you can't ask your son for the money, he bought your last ticket in Nov. which was very good of him.
Good luck x

When I gave birth to my third child in The Netherlands, my mum & dad came to stay when she was about 3 weeks old, I think. We get on really well and are very close, so not even a thought about a hotel. I think I tried to carry on as I always did on their visits, cooking and looking after them and the other two small ones. My mum & dad would always help out a lot and my dad always went out for a long walk each day. No problems what-so-ever, my husband out at work different times of the day & night.

However, after a week at breakfast time, I walked out of the kitchen into the living room and just passed out flat on my back. The doctor was called, and I was told to stay in bed for at least 3 days and I was not to lift so much as a cup.

So as some have said, if my mum & dad had not been there, I would have stayed in bed, slept & ate when baby did, left the housework and got my H or neighbours to take my other 2 to school, which was only over the road and through a little walkway.

So, their much-wanted visit was too much for me.