Phone manners.

My 14 year old grandson happily sends me texts but is uncommunicative when we are physically together, just grunts!

Same here, Gin! Also applies to his younger sister. I send them cartoons or jokes from the internet and they both reply - sometimes with more than two words. See them live and they are monosyllabic. Phones can be good!

I once walked out of an interview where the interviwer took three (landline) calls during our conversation. I told the interviwer that I was sorry to see that he was so overwhelmed with work, that he did not have the courtesy to suspend all calls for our conversation. Also that I would not wish for an organization which was so disorganized. Boy was he surprised.

It is rude, but unfortunately it seems its the new 'normal'. I was brought up to interact with others, when you are spoken to you look at the person who is talking, it is built into me to put my phone away when I am in the presence of others, like now, im am alone in the front room so am not being drawn into a conversation.

I think this is the future interactions, or lack of.

It certainly is an addiction. The worst example that stays in my mind was at a dress rehearsal of a good amdram production when one of the lead actors pulled out her phone and answered it talking over another character speaking his part. I reprimanded her but she could not understand saying It might have been important!
They are useful sometimes though. My 14 year old grandson happily sends me texts but is uncommunicative when we are physically together, just grunts!

Phones can be very useful when you are on your own in public. I have travelled alone and sat alone in public since my early twenties. However I was not always so comfortable doing so as I am now. There have been some interesting psychology and sociology studies of the tactics which "singles" used to adopt when sitting alone in a bar or restaurant filled with couples and groups. Many people then used to carry a newspaper or paperback because it gave them "something to do". Nowadays phones make the business so much easier for shy and introvert people to feel more comfortable in such places.

You are not being unreasonable. He is being disrespectful. Let him know that, and just tell him that in this respect, he is ill-mannered. Shame him!

Tell him how this makes you feel.

I went out for drinks with a cousin I hadn't seen for over a year and she sat in the bar typing conversations with her friends on her phone and ignored me for almost 15 minutes!
When she did take her face away from the screen, I told her that I was ready to go home and don't like sitting in silence!

She was angry at my statement and couldn't understand why I was upset at sitting in a bar, staring into space whilst she conversed with someone else who was obviously more important / interesting than I was!
We haven't seen each other since - no loss on my part!

Last Christmas I bought a 'phone jail' from Poundland (they might be available at other places) - couldn't resist it. It sat on the table for family Christmas lunch, and I told all my guests (my children and grandchildren) that their phones would be locked up in the phone jail if they tried to use them at the table and that I was the only people who had custody of the key..............

Ooh, must remember that SueEH!

Unless it’s for good reason and relevant to our discussions I tell my adult children that first one to get their phone out pays the restaurant bill 😄

With close family, phones are banned at the table or if we are sitting as a group, they know and no one does it.
We had visitors and they spent the weekend looking at their phones not looking after their children in the restaurants we went to. To top it all, they would research something discussed and tell everyone they were wrong. Also, football scores were constantly updated as if we were bothered.
My DH does the crosswords and word puzzles on his eye pad and if we are sitting watching the T.V. and he is not interested he asks if I mind if he uses it.
If either of us gets facetimed we go into the other room.

I was at a day class this week, academic subject, eminent academic tutor.

He said something and the man sitting next to me immediately checked on his phone and informed the tutor of them.

Throughout this run of classes people have done this systematically, sometimes when the tutor says he is not sure on a date, sometimes I assume they are just checking on him!

It make it seem like he isn't interested in what you are saying,
perhaps ask him.. or ask him to put his phone away when you want to have a proper conversation. Listening is a skill.. and what he is doing is effectively shutting you down

If someone did this to me I would probably react immediately by saying” excuse me, I’m talking to you. Do you realise how rude you are!”

Unfortunately, phone addiction is rampant. It even invades my book group meetings. At some stage of the discussion someone will make a comment along the lines of "I think he wrote an earlier novel on this theme..." Straightaway, the phones are out searching for x's earlier novels, dates etc. Such behaviour breaks the thread of the discussion and drives me mad. I have tried suggesting that it would be better if we stuck to the discussion and left the phone searches until we get home if we want to pursue the query. But to no avail. I should add that I am a bit older than most of my book group members and it is an eye-opener to see how those a few years younger are seemingly addicted to their phones and devices.

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Would definitely annoy me. Next time DH was talking to me I'd start scrolling and ignoring. Give him a taste of his bad manners.

Stop talking and stare at him until he realises that you are no longer talking to him, then give him hell.

People used to read newspapers and magazines much more. Seems rare these days. Content can be found online now. SmartPhones took over. Would've someone picked up a newspaper or magazine in the middle of a domestic conversation.? Perhaps?... One has to be assertive...'I need you to hear this darling ' or some such.

My DH has just got a smart phone. He is very impatient with it, despite being reasonably proficient on his iPad.

No, I don’t think you are being unreasonable ClareAB. It is rude to allow a conversation to be interrupted by a phone.
I have to admit to being the guilty party in our marriage as far as phone addiction goes but I wouldn’t dream of picking up my phone mid conversation, very disrespectful of the other.
We are currently on holiday with only Orlin’s ‘emergency only’ phone but here I am…

I think it is the height of rudeness if somebody does this whilst you are speaking. If a message comes in that they really can't wait to look at, surely they should do what they would do if a phone call came in and say, "Excuse me, do you mind if I take this?"

I do think that people have become so addicted to their phone (guilty!) that it is sometimes almost a reflex action which is what the designers of the phone and software are aiming for. I can get completely distracted when my husband is talking to me if my computer/phone is open. I have to shut it completely otherwise I don't take in a word he says. He gets understandably cross!

M0nica

No, you are being totally and completely reasonable.

If DH did that to me, I would immediately get up and walk out of the room without saying a word.

How about telling him where he's going wrong instead of leaving him to guess? Show him what good communication is all about.

Not unreasonable at all. I’ve just had the same ‘discussion’ with my son who visits, sits down and gets his phone out- no conversation or anything. When I raised it with him he became quite angry with me and hasn’t been in touch since because I told him I felt he was rude. I stand by that comment but it seems to be a common issue

Not unreasonable at all. I have experienced this and I took a stand. It's such bad manners and so embarrassing when they do it when you're out with friends. It's an addiction but that is no excuse. There's a paucity of delayed gratification now and devices are given more importance than people, pets or anything in the real world. It's a nightmare!