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AIBU

Phone manners.

(42 Posts)
ClareAB Sat 06-Jan-24 18:19:44

Am I being unreasonable to be fed up with my husband picking his phone up in the middle of a conversation and starting to scroll/read messages/look 'something up?'
It really, really, grinds my gears.

Patsy70 Sat 06-Jan-24 19:05:12

😂 Sorry, but I know exactly what you mean, my OH does it too. I’m sure I have many annoying habits myself, so he gets away with it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

flappergirl Sat 06-Jan-24 20:09:07

It's become the new normal everywhere, with everyone, regardless of age. It's a form of addiction I think, like online gambling only without the financial losses.

It is particularly noticeable in restaurants where couples just scroll and scroll with their eyes fixed to the phone screen. They barely pause to the let the waiter put food in front of them. I mean, what on earth are they looking at?

Patsy70 Sat 06-Jan-24 20:54:06

My OH isn’t that bad! It is certainly not acceptable when we’re out for dinner, only in the comfort of our own home.

dotpocka Sat 06-Jan-24 21:11:06

sitting invarious doctors offices for the last year watching almost
every one looking like idiots on phones i passed one on who did not get up when the nurse called him /she just giggled,sick of babysitting these people

M0nica Sat 06-Jan-24 21:42:53

No, you are being totally and completely reasonable.

If DH did that to me, I would immediately get up and walk out of the room without saying a word.

MerylStreep Sat 06-Jan-24 21:53:56

flappergirl

It's become the new normal everywhere, with everyone, regardless of age. It's a form of addiction I think, like online gambling only without the financial losses.

It is particularly noticeable in restaurants where couples just scroll and scroll with their eyes fixed to the phone screen. They barely pause to the let the waiter put food in front of them. I mean, what on earth are they looking at?

It is definitely an addiction.

cassioburycourt.com/2022/04/mobile-phone-scrolling-addiction/

hollysteers Sat 06-Jan-24 21:57:50

I had a ‘big’ birthday afternoon tea celebration with DD and DS at Claridges. Large family on next table ignored each other and everything, heads down in phone. I was bemused. Beautiful setting, piano music and people to watch, never mind talk to each other.

SueDonim Sat 06-Jan-24 22:03:30

My Dh, even with hearing aids, can’t hear conversation in noisy cafes and restaurants especially those with music playing so we’ll look at our phones and maybe share things we come across. That’s better than sitting in silence.

People really shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

biglouis Tue 09-Jan-24 10:24:19

What annoys me is the assumption that we all behave in those moronic ways. A couple of weeks ago I missed a text from someone who asked "Dont you ever check your phone?" I told them I turn it on when I want to make a call. The phone is there for my convenience and not that of anyone else.

Tenko Tue 09-Jan-24 13:46:13

No you’re not being unreasonable, that would drive me nuts. It’s also incredibly rude .
I have a phone ban at dinner tables for my family , at home and in restaurants.
I find it really annoying when I go into the staff room at work during lunch and find other staff members all on their phones.

Tenko Tue 09-Jan-24 13:50:49

dotpocka

sitting invarious doctors offices for the last year watching almost
every one looking like idiots on phones i passed one on who did not get up when the nurse called him /she just giggled,sick of babysitting these people

I’m a hygienist and I get so fed up of calling patients and they’re not listening due to being ontheir phones . I’ve had a few who have made me wait whilst they finish an email or text !!!!
What they don’t realise that it’s their appointment time they’re wasting .

Kim19 Tue 09-Jan-24 14:01:00

I vowed from the start that I would never come beholden to my mobile. However, I do confess that, on the odd occasion I've forgotten to take it into town with me, I feel decidedly bereft. Sad but true.......

BigBertha1 Tue 09-Jan-24 14:42:56

I think I'm am just amazed at how much my mobile can do with updates and applications added regularly and how convenient it is. We don't sit with them on at dinner but I confess we do look at them often. Its a mobile computer now not just a phone now you can get all your home admin straight, keep up with hobbies and interests and have regular communication with friends and family .

Witzend Wed 10-Jan-24 10:00:26

Kim19

I vowed from the start that I would never come beholden to my mobile. However, I do confess that, on the odd occasion I've forgotten to take it into town with me, I feel decidedly bereft. Sad but true.......

I use mine quite a lot, but often forget to take it when going out. Which was once a PITA after I’d realised (having walked the 25 minutes into town) that the buses were on strike! And it’s quite a steep uphill on the way back, with fairly heavy shopping, and I couldn’t phone my chauffeur aka dh to come and pick me up.

I took a cab home, so that was £8 down the drain.

Baggs Wed 10-Jan-24 10:15:10

I agree, SueD. People are too quick to judge. I generally read a book or a newspaper on my phone when waiting for bus/doctor/nurse/whatever. If I was holding an actual book or newspaper no-one would be judgmental.

That said, what the OP describes is definitely bad manners.

And that said, when I was growing up my seat at meal times was in front of a bookcase full of references books – dictionaries in various languages, atlases and maps, etc – and it was often my job to pull out a book so we could check or corroborate something we were discussing at the table. This very moment I just pulled my phone digital dictionary out of my pocket to check the spelling of corroborate.

I love having a whole library of information in my pocket. It saves the need for a whole shelf of reference books just behind the dining-table (though we have those too, just no so easily accessible.

OP, why don't you tell your husband how rude he is being? I would if mine behaved like that.

LovelyLady Sat 13-Jan-24 11:41:56

It’s strange how we change over the years. We train our husbands gradually when we first meet them. It’s a slow process. Years later mobile phones arrive and we’re perhaps out of the ‘training mode’. Men are not mind readers, tell your husband it annoys you. Job done.

2507C0 Sat 13-Jan-24 11:45:50

Not unreasonable at all. I have experienced this and I took a stand. It's such bad manners and so embarrassing when they do it when you're out with friends. It's an addiction but that is no excuse. There's a paucity of delayed gratification now and devices are given more importance than people, pets or anything in the real world. It's a nightmare!

Nannina Sat 13-Jan-24 12:26:50

Not unreasonable at all. I’ve just had the same ‘discussion’ with my son who visits, sits down and gets his phone out- no conversation or anything. When I raised it with him he became quite angry with me and hasn’t been in touch since because I told him I felt he was rude. I stand by that comment but it seems to be a common issue

icanhandthemback Sat 13-Jan-24 13:05:03

M0nica

No, you are being totally and completely reasonable.

If DH did that to me, I would immediately get up and walk out of the room without saying a word.

How about telling him where he's going wrong instead of leaving him to guess? Show him what good communication is all about.

icanhandthemback Sat 13-Jan-24 13:10:15

I think it is the height of rudeness if somebody does this whilst you are speaking. If a message comes in that they really can't wait to look at, surely they should do what they would do if a phone call came in and say, "Excuse me, do you mind if I take this?"

I do think that people have become so addicted to their phone (guilty!) that it is sometimes almost a reflex action which is what the designers of the phone and software are aiming for. I can get completely distracted when my husband is talking to me if my computer/phone is open. I have to shut it completely otherwise I don't take in a word he says. He gets understandably cross!

LauraNorderr Sat 13-Jan-24 13:14:12

No, I don’t think you are being unreasonable ClareAB. It is rude to allow a conversation to be interrupted by a phone.
I have to admit to being the guilty party in our marriage as far as phone addiction goes but I wouldn’t dream of picking up my phone mid conversation, very disrespectful of the other.
We are currently on holiday with only Orlin’s ‘emergency only’ phone but here I am…

Boolya Sat 13-Jan-24 13:40:18

My DH has just got a smart phone. He is very impatient with it, despite being reasonably proficient on his iPad.

Loobyloo12 Sat 13-Jan-24 13:58:43

People used to read newspapers and magazines much more. Seems rare these days. Content can be found online now. SmartPhones took over. Would've someone picked up a newspaper or magazine in the middle of a domestic conversation.? Perhaps?... One has to be assertive...'I need you to hear this darling ' or some such.

grannypiper Sat 13-Jan-24 14:06:14

Stop talking and stare at him until he realises that you are no longer talking to him, then give him hell.