AIBU - Grandchildren

I give my four go their gifts as I live close to them and thus always receive a thank you- their mother (my DD) will pounce on them if they do not express their gratitude! However, I don’t think I’d get too uptight if they lived further away and didn’t thank me as I’d enquire if they’d received it and (hopefully!) get a thank you. The thing is, we routinely thank people who do something nice for us, don’t we? Even children, even teenagers! If they are not taught to express thanks, to a friend, a helpful acquaintance, teacher, fellow employee, even a boss for letting you leave early, where is that lack of social skills going to get them in life precisely? Pretty much nowhere I would think! People get tired of ingratitude and stop helping them! The friend drops them, the promotion doesn’t come! To be taught to express gratitude is an important lesson that every child should be taught! If tutors and teachers can be counted on to teach the academic side, then it’s just as essential to teach children the niceties of social etiquette. And where better to start than with family whom you are supposed to love? And who so obviously show they love you?

Don't send them any more money. If they ask, tell them it's because since they didn't say thank you, you thought they didn't want it / need it, and you're not going to force it on them, and embarrass them.

Similar situation here. My GD has always been taught to send thank you letters but my sisters GC's don't do this. My sis always sends gifts to my GD so I continue to reciprocate to sisters GC's who I never see as they live some distance away. Their parents (my niece and partner) don't even send a Christmas card and it was really brought home to me after my DH passed away that they didn't even send me a card then. I just think why penalise the children because of the parents.

I am quite straightforward with mine - I tell them if they can't be bothered to thank me I can't be bothered to give them anything. It usually works.

MamaB27: Do you thank anyone who holds the door for you or serves you in a restaurant. Thankyou is a way of saying I appreciate what you have done for me. It does n't hurt children to grow up appreciating kind gestures towards them.

Maybe see if they prefer you to pay it directly into their bank. At least that way there will be acknowledgement

Of course they should say thank you but don't get too hung up on it.

We lived abroad and I remember my mother sitting my brother, sister and I to write thank you letters. They hated doing it but it wasn’t a chore for me. I also insisted my children do the same thing. My one daughter is good at thanking but the other less so. It is due to personality as well I suppose although all of our grandchildren (from both daughters) thank us verbally as they are still too young to write

I recently stopped giving gifts to younger relatives as their parents (children too young to thank me themselves) didn't even acknowledge the presents. I am very generous with others in the family as they thank me (or their parents do). I'm not well off and so sending gifts requires careful budgeting for me. My daughter still sends me a handwritten thank you - as she does to everyone. I think it' true that you reap what you sow and if you taught your own offspring to thank others, they will pass it on...

I can't understand why anyone would receive a gift, be it money or otherwise, and not acknowledge it and say thank you. It's nice for the giver surely, and also the receiver, to interact after such a nice gesture. People that say they aren't too fussed about a thank you are kidding themselves.

Sorry - if mine didn't have the manners/courtesy to thank me for a gift, especially a substantial monetary one - then no more gifts. This 'it's the way things are today' doesn't change my mind. Manners are ageless!!

It’s quite normal to 1) feel a little disgruntled and 2) only send gifts until reaching the age of 18 then just cards.

Do whatever you feel is right for you

Beginning to get to you - indeed. 2 ways you can go - force the issue by asking whether they recieved anything from you... or just stop now. If asked, say they are old enough to know thanks/acknowledgement is normal when a gift is given, so you have assumed it was unwanted.

BTW Yes, it certainly does matter that people say thank you. For us, we don’t mind how the thank you arrives, I was made to write thank you letters as a child, no I think a text, phone call, email or WhatsApp would suffice.

Receiving a gift and not thanking the gifter is totally bad manners, no excuses. No contact with the gifter is inconsiderate and beyond belief.

I too was made to write thank you letters by my grandmother who was born during the Edwardian period and believed in saying "Please" "Thank you" and "Excuse me".

These social skills seem to be a dying art. I read somewhere that some people consider having to say please and thank you is demeaning. However if you do not acknowledge someone who does you a small favour or give you a gift that is even more demeaning. You are treating the favour as though you have a perfect right to it. I always thank the Tesco delivery person or postie/courier when they hand me parcels because its a tough job being out in all weathers.

One of the previous posters cited saying "thank you" to an employer or boss and expressing the view that the lack of these basic social skills could cost one promotion in the workplace.

I know of one situation where a boss (an aquaintance) interviewed two job applicants and dismissed the one who had been rude and offhand to his secretary. So that young lady lost a job opportunity because of poor manners. As her prospective employer stated "If she behaves like that at interview whats she going to be like once she gets her feet under the table?"

They should send a text at least to say Thank you!
I blame the Parents too! Sorry you are very generous x

NotSpaghetti suggests sending money via their parent’ bank accounts. . That way you know thepresent has arrived safely and it is more flexible than a voucher for a particular shop. I learnt a lot after asking GD 8 what her brother might like for his 13th. She texted straight back ‘He’d love a Roblox Gift Card’ - steep learning curve for techklutz granny.
Are you able to communicate with your GC via texts or emails? That is the main way I get news of mine. Yes, sometimes I bluntly ask whether their present has arrived and whether it is what they wanted. Yesterday a GD in her 20s was delighted with books I sent which I hope help with a part of her college course she’s worried about.

I would be very upset at that too! I have older grandchildren and I have heard from the eldest one with a thank you so have sent her £50 to her bank. I haven’t heard thank you from my other two so I will not send them any more! I think the least they can do is say thank you. Regardless of their parents views. They are old enough when they get to teenage years to know saying thank you is just respectful surely?

Elrel I did mention that the sending by bank transfer to the parents' bank account works for my mother-in-law and is obviously a safe option - but the thing I was trying to say was that it's not "real" till the children are alerted to it somehow and they need to have access to it.
The parents can then chase up the thank yous I suppose...

I had a 2 hour chat with my grandson today ….he was very poorly, and was in bed when I got to the house., to deliver a belated Xmas present ( Beano annual I’ve been giving him 16 years) I didn’t buy it for Xmas this year and he was most upset ….so I sent away for one and took it to him . He was so happy that I’d made the two-bus journey. He thanked me profusely.
When I said he should go back to bed as he was ill …he said “ no Nan, I’d rather spend a few hours with you” ….thats thanks enough for me. Funny, as didn’t think kids did tradition these days!!!

Now we FaceTime distant GC, I get a thank you as if we were there, even though it sometimes takes DD saying Grandma and Granddad are here to act as a reminder to them.
The closer ones say thank you in person and my DGS always says “Will you thank X (a friend who sends them money) for my present. I’m going to spend it on . . . His sister then adds her thanks. They could write-but they don’t.

I agree with you. I always made my daughters thank people for pressies,especially elderly rellies. They sent a wee thank you letter that I made up on computer when they were very young with a wee collage of Christmas pics..My aunts etc loved it. Sadly I never even get a thank you from my grandson(10) I do get a thank you from my daughter for their presents but I feel my grandson should be saying thank you,my grandaughter only 2 so.....Sadly I think it's a sign of the times.

Why must everyone have a thank you?

It’s called manners!

Marg75

I can't understand why anyone would receive a gift, be it money or otherwise, and not acknowledge it and say thank you. It's nice for the giver surely, and also the receiver, to interact after such a nice gesture. People that say they aren't too fussed about a thank you are kidding themselves.

I’m not fussed if I don’t get a thank you and I’m definitely not kidding myself. I give because I want to and expect nothing in return. A thank you is always appreciated but not required.

I don’t put an age limit on gifts. I don’t stop wanting to give just because someone is getting older.

Thank you notes should always be sent not to do so is ignorant and just plain bad manners. If someone takes the trouble to send a gift then the least a person can do is a knowledge it.