AIBU - Grandchildren

I would be very upset at that too! I have older grandchildren and I have heard from the eldest one with a thank you so have sent her £50 to her bank. I haven’t heard thank you from my other two so I will not send them any more! I think the least they can do is say thank you. Regardless of their parents views. They are old enough when they get to teenage years to know saying thank you is just respectful surely?

NotSpaghetti suggests sending money via their parent’ bank accounts. . That way you know thepresent has arrived safely and it is more flexible than a voucher for a particular shop. I learnt a lot after asking GD 8 what her brother might like for his 13th. She texted straight back ‘He’d love a Roblox Gift Card’ - steep learning curve for techklutz granny.
Are you able to communicate with your GC via texts or emails? That is the main way I get news of mine. Yes, sometimes I bluntly ask whether their present has arrived and whether it is what they wanted. Yesterday a GD in her 20s was delighted with books I sent which I hope help with a part of her college course she’s worried about.

They should send a text at least to say Thank you!
I blame the Parents too! Sorry you are very generous x

I too was made to write thank you letters by my grandmother who was born during the Edwardian period and believed in saying "Please" "Thank you" and "Excuse me".

These social skills seem to be a dying art. I read somewhere that some people consider having to say please and thank you is demeaning. However if you do not acknowledge someone who does you a small favour or give you a gift that is even more demeaning. You are treating the favour as though you have a perfect right to it. I always thank the Tesco delivery person or postie/courier when they hand me parcels because its a tough job being out in all weathers.

One of the previous posters cited saying "thank you" to an employer or boss and expressing the view that the lack of these basic social skills could cost one promotion in the workplace.

I know of one situation where a boss (an aquaintance) interviewed two job applicants and dismissed the one who had been rude and offhand to his secretary. So that young lady lost a job opportunity because of poor manners. As her prospective employer stated "If she behaves like that at interview whats she going to be like once she gets her feet under the table?"

Receiving a gift and not thanking the gifter is totally bad manners, no excuses. No contact with the gifter is inconsiderate and beyond belief.

BTW Yes, it certainly does matter that people say thank you. For us, we don’t mind how the thank you arrives, I was made to write thank you letters as a child, no I think a text, phone call, email or WhatsApp would suffice.

Beginning to get to you - indeed. 2 ways you can go - force the issue by asking whether they recieved anything from you... or just stop now. If asked, say they are old enough to know thanks/acknowledgement is normal when a gift is given, so you have assumed it was unwanted.

It’s quite normal to 1) feel a little disgruntled and 2) only send gifts until reaching the age of 18 then just cards.

Do whatever you feel is right for you

Sorry - if mine didn't have the manners/courtesy to thank me for a gift, especially a substantial monetary one - then no more gifts. This 'it's the way things are today' doesn't change my mind. Manners are ageless!!

I can't understand why anyone would receive a gift, be it money or otherwise, and not acknowledge it and say thank you. It's nice for the giver surely, and also the receiver, to interact after such a nice gesture. People that say they aren't too fussed about a thank you are kidding themselves.

I recently stopped giving gifts to younger relatives as their parents (children too young to thank me themselves) didn't even acknowledge the presents. I am very generous with others in the family as they thank me (or their parents do). I'm not well off and so sending gifts requires careful budgeting for me. My daughter still sends me a handwritten thank you - as she does to everyone. I think it' true that you reap what you sow and if you taught your own offspring to thank others, they will pass it on...

We lived abroad and I remember my mother sitting my brother, sister and I to write thank you letters. They hated doing it but it wasn’t a chore for me. I also insisted my children do the same thing. My one daughter is good at thanking but the other less so. It is due to personality as well I suppose although all of our grandchildren (from both daughters) thank us verbally as they are still too young to write

Maybe see if they prefer you to pay it directly into their bank. At least that way there will be acknowledgement

Of course they should say thank you but don't get too hung up on it.

MamaB27: Do you thank anyone who holds the door for you or serves you in a restaurant. Thankyou is a way of saying I appreciate what you have done for me. It does n't hurt children to grow up appreciating kind gestures towards them.

I am quite straightforward with mine - I tell them if they can't be bothered to thank me I can't be bothered to give them anything. It usually works.

Similar situation here. My GD has always been taught to send thank you letters but my sisters GC's don't do this. My sis always sends gifts to my GD so I continue to reciprocate to sisters GC's who I never see as they live some distance away. Their parents (my niece and partner) don't even send a Christmas card and it was really brought home to me after my DH passed away that they didn't even send me a card then. I just think why penalise the children because of the parents.

Don't send them any more money. If they ask, tell them it's because since they didn't say thank you, you thought they didn't want it / need it, and you're not going to force it on them, and embarrass them.

I give my four go their gifts as I live close to them and thus always receive a thank you- their mother (my DD) will pounce on them if they do not express their gratitude! However, I don’t think I’d get too uptight if they lived further away and didn’t thank me as I’d enquire if they’d received it and (hopefully!) get a thank you. The thing is, we routinely thank people who do something nice for us, don’t we? Even children, even teenagers! If they are not taught to express thanks, to a friend, a helpful acquaintance, teacher, fellow employee, even a boss for letting you leave early, where is that lack of social skills going to get them in life precisely? Pretty much nowhere I would think! People get tired of ingratitude and stop helping them! The friend drops them, the promotion doesn’t come! To be taught to express gratitude is an important lesson that every child should be taught! If tutors and teachers can be counted on to teach the academic side, then it’s just as essential to teach children the niceties of social etiquette. And where better to start than with family whom you are supposed to love? And who so obviously show they love you?

My grandchildren are not the problem here......I is my OH's niece who simply cannot say 'thank you'. Years ago she would send a thank you letter or card but now she has her own mobile phone it is so much easier........but no, she hasn't messaged either of us for three years now. I now refuse to send any more money for her birthday or Christmas, she had her three chances and I've now removed her bank details from our bank account.
Incidentally, all our respective AC were always brought up to say thank you and this reflects on the behaviour of all the GC, it is just this one niece who just takes and won't acknowledge us.

Unfortunately this seems to be the ‘norm’ these days. I too think it’s thoughtless behaviour. I stop when they are 21… for both Christmas and Birthdays. Then it’s a card only.

Several people seem to stop giving when young people are 18. Unless it’s financially difficult I’m puzzled why people do this. I give gifts out of love regardless of age.

I have two adult godchildren I am still very close to and still give them Christmas and birthday gifts/cheque. I can’t image ever stopping gifts to children or grandchildren ever but perhaps that’s just me.

Stop when they're 18, I left it to 21 and wish that I hadn't. Money down the drain and no thanks.

I don't get why everyone expects gratitude for gifts. Yes it's nice but it's a gift and that's about giving no expectations. I've always sent an elderly friend £50 shopping vouchers each Christmas and I never get a thank you, I don't care to be fair, because I know from experience she's a cantankerous old sod who doesn't thank anyone, but I also know when she gets that voucher the first thing she does is go to or local discount supermarket and stock up on a huge trolley full of cheap tinned food, these keep her in food almost all year. If you were to offer her food parcels she'd turn them down, she's too stubborn to ask for help just as she is too stubborn to say thanks. But she sees that voucher as a Christmas routine and I know she uses it so I'm happy. Why must everyone have a thank you. I can't recall children saying thanks to Santa all those years growing up. When it's Christmas or Birthdays people don't want to be sat down trying to message everyone a thanks. Ye sit would be nice and some do it. But that's not the idea of gifting. The idea of gifting is to expect nothing in return.

I'd have a word with the parents (whichever one is your child). When my mum was terminally ill I was extremely disappointed that my brother's daughter (my mum's GD who was then 18) hadn't written to her. My mum had helped this girl quite a lot and was very fond of her. I phoned my brother and politely but firmly told him how dearly my mum would like a letter from her. A letter was soon dispatched.

Otherwise, I think you are being very generous and I would cut it back, especially in light of zero gratitude.

Kids at that age can be thoughtless. Not intentionally, they are just very self interested. I am sure they would be mortified to know their lack of contact upset you. It probably never even occurred to them. As they get older and become more aware of others I am sure it will change.