To say eldest GD needs to grow up?

Is "finding a partner" all women as supposed to be good for?

Jeeze

What is the parents 'take' on this situation?

I can understand her being depressed. I am a grandmother and it would concern me so much her being distressed as she is. I would be doing all I could to lift her spirits.

I believe your GD's parents have been far less than fair by accepting money from their eldest working child whilst the younger one saved her pay towards a deposit. I hope they have been setting the eldest money aside for her someday flat deposit. We believe in always doing equal things for our children - shame on these parents.

As for you - I'm not sure what concern this is to you? This little problem is for the parents to sort or not, depending if it bothers them.

I'm not sure what 'go out of her way to find a partner" means - but I'm not a fan pushing/rushing people into partnerships.

If the 31 year old left school at 18 and is earning about £9,000 a year she has been saving £6,150 plus each year to save 80,000.
This of course assumes she has earned £9,000 for the last 13 years (whereas most people's salary goes up at least a bit over 13 years). How has she saved 70% or more of her salary and thought it was OK not to contribute to the family?

Just wondering.

Have you deducted income tax and NI etc from your sums NotSpagetti ?
I too am flummoxed - maybe she won the pools?

YorkshireQueen you are the one who is over reacting and is immature. You sound like a spoilt teenager.

If your grandaughter is 31, you are a lady of some maturity in years. leave your grandaughter to live her life the way she wishes. Stop criticising her. If her parents are happy that she is still living with them at 31, then where is the problem. Over 10% of all people your grand daughters age still live at home, so there is nothing unusual about your grand daughter still living at home.

As for getting a man, for goodness sake, where have you been living for the last 50 years. As the saying goes a woman needs a man as much as a fish needs a bicycle. My daughter decided at 20 she did not want a partner or children in her life. At over 50 now, she has never changed her mind and greeted her menopause with relief. She doesn't live at home but has a good job and enjoyable private life. Why should she complicate it with a husband or children if she is happy without them?

RosiesMaw

Have you deducted income tax and NI etc from your sums NotSpagetti ?
I too am flummoxed - maybe she won the pools?

No. I assumed 9000 was take-home.
Was just a rough idea.
Guessing £50 a week-ish.

*for herself

You say they are both loved equally but you have a clear bias toward the younger GD.. if this is indeed an authentic post then you need to reign in your judgementalityand show some empathy, which is sadly lacking

I don't understand why there is such a huge fanfare around the youngest getting her first mortgage when;

She's only been able to do so by living rent and bills free at home and it is a joint mortgage with someone else.

She has only worked part time for years on a salary of 9k.

The whole situation would have been completely unattainable without the considerable support of others.

They haven't even had a firm mortgage offer yet.

The family seem to be treating her like a little Princess who has single handedly achieved a rare and world beating prize by finding a boyfriend and moving into a flat at the age of 31.

Meanwhile your eldest GD sounds like Cinderella in this rather nauseating scenario.

You keep reiterating that it was "her choice" to contribute to the household but the fact remains that she did.

If the parents didn't need the money and found it so disdainful to accept then why didn't they put it into a savings account for her without her knowledge.

Ladyleftfieldlover

Made up story?

Fair point, all a bit far fetched and OTT.

I’m with flappergirl here
If anybody has to “grow up” it’s the younger gd
After living all these years rent and bills free, “grown up” joint ownership is going to come as a big, big shock.

I think you have hit the nail on the head there ,Ladyleftfieldlover

Youngest is 31, also at home, only works part time but has a lovely partner. He is very generous and pays for a lot
So the youngest one is also sponging off her partner. She is the one I would worry about. Is the lovely partner putting up £80,000 for the property as well? Your elder GD must be aware of your feelings towards her and I don't blame her for being upset.

Now she seems upset and is distancing herself from the family as she feels the house move is dominating all the discussions and being the only single one in the family, she feels invisible. Aibu to say she needs to grow up and if she can, really go out of her way to find a partner so she can …etc
Victorian families often kept the eldest spinster daughter acting as unpaid housekeeper, cook and carer while rejoicing at a suitable “match” for a younger daughter.
Are you sure this post doesn’t date from 1894 instead of 1924?

Maybe Ladyleftfieldlover. Sometimes families can get bogged down in endless discussions about one thing, regardless of how interesting it might be to others in the group. When my son and daughter in law were trying to conceive, we were careful when together to talk about matters other than my daughters pregnancies and babies and children .

The family seem to be treating her like a little Princess who has single handedly achieved a rare and world beating prize by finding a boyfriend and moving into a flat at the age of 31

Meanwhile your eldest GD sounds like Cinderella in this rather nauseating scenario

Absolutely, fappergirl. My thoughts too; Cinderella came to mind. Poor Cinders.

I can see nothing to congratulate the younger GD for at all.

As for paying a mortgage and living in the London on £32,000 between them - good luck! 😂

This is so far-fetched!

Sorry, flappergirl!

I feel so sorry for your eldest GD. You are all doing nothing to help her. Go out and find a man?! Personally that is the last thing she needs right now. She needs some love and understanding from you all. Yes, congratulate the younger one but I would be really miffed if I was your eldest GD with health issues. Poor lass. What are you on?

I'm not in the least bit surprised that she's fed up with listening to all the talk about her sister buying a property, and all the excitement and congratulations she's getting.

Perhaps the parents are so excited because younger GD is leaving home and won't be spongeing off them any more!

YWBU

Her feelings are real

I agree with flappergirl. Why does the spoilt princess only work part time and why does she make no contribution to household expenses? She wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage on her pitiful wage. The older sister has my admiration for working and contributing to the household despite ill health. She is being treated very unfairly. I feel very sorry for her and the humiliation she is suffering.

Are you saying we should just tiptoe around her and not celebrate a big achievement with other GD?
She has achieved nothing on her own.

Is this for real?
YorkshireQueen has gone very quiet 🤔

I wonder why?