To say eldest GD needs to grow up?

The family seem to be treating her like a little Princess who has single handedly achieved a rare and world beating prize by finding a boyfriend and moving into a flat at the age of 31

Meanwhile your eldest GD sounds like Cinderella in this rather nauseating scenario

Absolutely, fappergirl. My thoughts too; Cinderella came to mind. Poor Cinders.

I can see nothing to congratulate the younger GD for at all.

As for paying a mortgage and living in the London on £32,000 between them - good luck! 😂

This is so far-fetched!

Maybe Ladyleftfieldlover. Sometimes families can get bogged down in endless discussions about one thing, regardless of how interesting it might be to others in the group. When my son and daughter in law were trying to conceive, we were careful when together to talk about matters other than my daughters pregnancies and babies and children .

Now she seems upset and is distancing herself from the family as she feels the house move is dominating all the discussions and being the only single one in the family, she feels invisible. Aibu to say she needs to grow up and if she can, really go out of her way to find a partner so she can …etc
Victorian families often kept the eldest spinster daughter acting as unpaid housekeeper, cook and carer while rejoicing at a suitable “match” for a younger daughter.
Are you sure this post doesn’t date from 1894 instead of 1924?

Youngest is 31, also at home, only works part time but has a lovely partner. He is very generous and pays for a lot
So the youngest one is also sponging off her partner. She is the one I would worry about. Is the lovely partner putting up £80,000 for the property as well? Your elder GD must be aware of your feelings towards her and I don't blame her for being upset.

I think you have hit the nail on the head there ,Ladyleftfieldlover

I’m with flappergirl here
If anybody has to “grow up” it’s the younger gd
After living all these years rent and bills free, “grown up” joint ownership is going to come as a big, big shock.

Ladyleftfieldlover

Made up story?

Fair point, all a bit far fetched and OTT.

I don't understand why there is such a huge fanfare around the youngest getting her first mortgage when;

She's only been able to do so by living rent and bills free at home and it is a joint mortgage with someone else.

She has only worked part time for years on a salary of 9k.

The whole situation would have been completely unattainable without the considerable support of others.

They haven't even had a firm mortgage offer yet.

The family seem to be treating her like a little Princess who has single handedly achieved a rare and world beating prize by finding a boyfriend and moving into a flat at the age of 31.

Meanwhile your eldest GD sounds like Cinderella in this rather nauseating scenario.

You keep reiterating that it was "her choice" to contribute to the household but the fact remains that she did.

If the parents didn't need the money and found it so disdainful to accept then why didn't they put it into a savings account for her without her knowledge.

You say they are both loved equally but you have a clear bias toward the younger GD.. if this is indeed an authentic post then you need to reign in your judgementalityand show some empathy, which is sadly lacking

*for herself

RosiesMaw

Have you deducted income tax and NI etc from your sums NotSpagetti ?
I too am flummoxed - maybe she won the pools?

No. I assumed 9000 was take-home.
Was just a rough idea.
Guessing £50 a week-ish.

YorkshireQueen you are the one who is over reacting and is immature. You sound like a spoilt teenager.

If your grandaughter is 31, you are a lady of some maturity in years. leave your grandaughter to live her life the way she wishes. Stop criticising her. If her parents are happy that she is still living with them at 31, then where is the problem. Over 10% of all people your grand daughters age still live at home, so there is nothing unusual about your grand daughter still living at home.

As for getting a man, for goodness sake, where have you been living for the last 50 years. As the saying goes a woman needs a man as much as a fish needs a bicycle. My daughter decided at 20 she did not want a partner or children in her life. At over 50 now, she has never changed her mind and greeted her menopause with relief. She doesn't live at home but has a good job and enjoyable private life. Why should she complicate it with a husband or children if she is happy without them?

Have you deducted income tax and NI etc from your sums NotSpagetti ?
I too am flummoxed - maybe she won the pools?

If the 31 year old left school at 18 and is earning about £9,000 a year she has been saving £6,150 plus each year to save 80,000.
This of course assumes she has earned £9,000 for the last 13 years (whereas most people's salary goes up at least a bit over 13 years). How has she saved 70% or more of her salary and thought it was OK not to contribute to the family?

Just wondering.

I believe your GD's parents have been far less than fair by accepting money from their eldest working child whilst the younger one saved her pay towards a deposit. I hope they have been setting the eldest money aside for her someday flat deposit. We believe in always doing equal things for our children - shame on these parents.

As for you - I'm not sure what concern this is to you? This little problem is for the parents to sort or not, depending if it bothers them.

I'm not sure what 'go out of her way to find a partner" means - but I'm not a fan pushing/rushing people into partnerships.

I can understand her being depressed. I am a grandmother and it would concern me so much her being distressed as she is. I would be doing all I could to lift her spirits.

What is the parents 'take' on this situation?

Is "finding a partner" all women as supposed to be good for?

Jeeze

Made up story?

Gosh what a bias post you don’t sound as if you like your poor elder grandaughter very much My sympathy all goes to her
What a stupid comment ‘she should go out of her way to find a partner’ are you for real !!
You come across as very hard towards your eldest she has health difficulties and gives money and time towards the house but why is a 31 year old healthy, working daughter, still living at home then, what’s her reason?
Poor girl.. yes you are being entirely unreasonable

I'd say your eldest GD has done quite a bit. She's paid towards the upkeep of the household, whilst your youngest GD has done nothing but save pretty much most of her salary for years. You say your eldest GD's contributions were by choice, so, basically, she was being a grown up and wanting to pay her own way, without sponging off her parents, kudos to her! Perhaps, for fairness, her parents should've accepted the money and put it to one side for her, so she'd have a nice lump sum to enable her to also buy a property. Not very fair of them to accept it from one daughter, and not expect anything from the youngest.

I'm not in the least bit surprised that she's fed up with listening to all the talk about her sister buying a property, and all the excitement and congratulations she's getting. People can be happy for your youngest GD, but this all sounds rather over the top. She hasn't even got a confirmed mortgage offer yet, let alone gone through the lengthy process of buying the flat, which doesn't always go smoothly. Probably a little premature for congratulations. I'd be sick of listening to it too.

So, you did ask AIBU? Yes, you are.

I don't call saving 80K doing nothing either. It's all my youngest GD's money which she has saved

Just think how much she could have saved if she'd put a bit of effort in and worked full-time!
Why, if she's young and fit, is she only working part-time?

Blimey! Give the girl a break.

I don't blame her.

Eldest doesn't do everything. She contributes what she can and helps with cooking etc but doesn't do it all.
I don't call saving 80K doing nothing either. It's all my youngest GD's money which she has saved.
The main point of this post wasn't to discuss who does what but to ask for advice on how to handle it as it's a really awkward situation where you effectively have a member of the family so jealous that she now doesn't want to really bother with any of us.