Outrageous selfishness

Firstly, I’m delighted for him that your husband was able to finish the production on a high note, he must be very pleased. My mother-in-law was a musical director so I know first hand how exhausting it is once the adrenaline has worn off and it’s quite remarkable that your husband was able to complete all three performances.

Also, very well done on protecting your husband from those selfish, thoughtless people. I assume they were aware of all he’s recently gone through, so they were being extremely presumptuous in supposing they could expect him to carry on as usual giving them lifts.

I am so pleased that you did not give these “spongers” a lift home. How blooming cheeky of them and I am fuming just reading this. I do hope your husband is ok and I also hope that they don’t expect him to give them a lift in the future. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

I am not taking sides here however as your husband had been giving them a lift for two years I can see why they wrongly thought this would continue.

I have a so called friend/neighbour who is a taker. Always asking for things doing but never does anything for me, she is my age in her 80's but treats me like a carer. Carry her bags, push her shopping trolley so now I keep a low profile, when the phone rings I do not answer it and then dial 1471 and if it is her I do not ring her back, but she will always ring again late afternoon so then I do answer it and make an excuse like I was in the shower and didn't hear the phone. She usually rings to ask me for help with something or other but I just make up an excuse. She has sons and daughters in law but they keep away from her and I cannot blame them.

These takers need putting in their place once and for all and I am glad you stood up to them, your husband comes first.

Good for you MOnica for standing your ground and protecting your precious loved one. There are givers and takers in this world and these two are obviously the latter.

I had a friend for years who everyone said she was just using me. We had some brilliant times together and always had a laugh. But it was always me deciding when or where we met. She never actually invited me to her house but I did ask if I could go round to hers. She never made any attempt to come to mine after I got married and moved 15 miles away. Yes, she had a car and could drive but she never did the driving - that was down to daft me. On a night out I would drive the 15 miles, pick her up and then drop her off at the end of the night. Once it was midnight before I dropped her off and I had work the next day. She later told me that she had the next day off work! The final straw came when I was ill back in 2016 and we both used to go to a painting class which happened to be in her next village. Yes, I used to pick her up and drop her off as it was on the way for me. Well, I got a very short text from her asking if I was still picking her up. NO! I was in bed ill and she never got in touch with me again. We had been friends for over 20 years! I text her and asked how she was and to wish her a happy birthday and she never replied. Then I phoned her and her phone was engaged. When I finally got the phone to ring she didnt answer. I haven’t heard from her since but I have saved a lot of money on fuel. I do miss her but she was taking me for a fool. She just expected me to do it and I do not know how it all started.

I think it’s been established that you are not BU, *Monica! What a cheek - do these freeloaders never think of the other party in these arrangements? Clearly not. I wouldn’t mind betting they didn’t even offer any petrol money.

Well done to your Dh for doing what he’s done for so long and giving enjoyment to other people. I’m glad his health has improved, too, and he finds other pleasurable things to do with his time.

I cannot stand people who take others for granted. You did what I would have done without hesitation. Hope your DH enjoys his retirement in good health.

Furious on your behalf and glad you didn’t stand for their nonsense. Well done. I hope your DH is rested and also that they’ve maybe taken the hint on making their own way there from now on.

Theexwife

I am not taking sides here however as your husband had been giving them a lift for two years I can see why they wrongly thought this would continue.

I agree. If he’d been giving them a lift home for such a long time, without saying how unhappy he was about it, how are they to know?

*Theexwife and jewelle. The sponger always knew DH was merely giving him an occasional lift when his neighbour couldn't manage. he also managed to get to and from the theatre on Friday and Saturday on his own and get there on Sunday

DH had also collapsed at a rehearsal 2 weeks and was taken to hospital the following day. Everyone in the group knew that, Everyone else knew how ill he had been and knew he was turning up now he was beginning to recover to get through those three last performances.

The sponger had no reason what so ever to just assume we would give him - and his daughter - a lift home. The least he could have done is asked!

As for all you others, thank you so much for your support. I felt I was being very self-indulgent posting this story, because I knew you would all be so kind, but I was/am so upset that someone could be so stupidly selfish, I had to vent somewhere and GN is where one turns!

DH slept the clock round and is recovering. I slept badly because I am still so angry. It will pass.

There's a time when everyone needs a Monica ! And there you were. How wonderful, you cut 'em off at the pass, well-deserved and that'll be the end of it.

Just imagine how furious you would have been if your DH had told you about it when he got home. It was, fortunately, perfect timing and a lesson to all takers that eventually the givers will have had enough. Relax now and focus on something else, you've put an end to the problem. Well done!

Jewelle

Theexwife

I am not taking sides here however as your husband had been giving them a lift for two years I can see why they wrongly thought this would continue.

I agree. If he’d been giving them a lift home for such a long time, without saying how unhappy he was about it, how are they to know?

These comments beggar belief!🙄
Well done, MOnica for handling these spongers, in the only way they’d understand! I wish your husband good health, and you both a happy retirement together. 💐

Jewelle

Theexwife

I am not taking sides here however as your husband had been giving them a lift for two years I can see why they wrongly thought this would continue.

I agree. If he’d been giving them a lift home for such a long time, without saying how unhappy he was about it, how are they to know?

Did you not read the OP properly?

Presumably they had a lift in with someone else as M0nica's husband occasionally picked them up and took them home when requested.

That day they were there so must have had a lift in or found their own way there but just expected a lift home again - without even asking!

It's the presumption which is so astonishing.

Did they ever offer petrol money? Or give a gift?

I do find it amazing how some people just have that sense of themselves, something attributed to young children but in time most grow out of that and take other people into consideration. Giving a lift is a gesture of goodwill, ten miles out of your way, is too far to commit to on a regular basis imo, it would be a considerable inconvenience. Under the circumstances, the man and his daughter were a couple of cheeky blighters, or as they are prone to say over on MN, their assumption is no less than cheeky f***ery!

I hope your husband is recovering MOnica.

Theexwife

I am not taking sides here however as your husband had been giving them a lift for two years I can see why they wrongly thought this would continue.

As they were aware he had been ill and was retiring as a consequence I can't see atall why they might have assumed this would continue.

For a start they could have checked.

And secondly and more appropriately they could have brought him a small gift thanking him for the years of lifts and wishing him well in his retirement! And organised going home the same way they came!!

Some people’s sense of entitlement is astonishing. I used to manage an organisation and took it upon myself to arrange a Christmas dinner at a local restaurant each year. Two people didn’t drive. I guarantee, every year when I put out the flyer these two would immediately say, ‘well someone will have to give me a lift’. Both lived no great distance from the venue and both were comfortably off but it never occurred to them to get a taxi. 🙄🤷‍♀️

Damn cheek. So glad you had things to put on back seat of car to stop them jumping in. Speedy recovery to you husband.

Callistemon21 No, no offer to pay for petrol, not even an occasional gift of a bottle of wine.

This is why DH refers to him, on occasion, as the sponger. He justs drifts around and somehow gets other people to ease his way through life - like the way he and daughter just drifted into the car park with us last night hoping that just be being there we would offer him a lift. Dh admits that he would have done. But I an made of sterner stuff - and of course I didn't really know him because I am not part of the group.

Years ago we had neighbours who were very well off and well to do as my mother would say. We had a caravan and didn’t use it so the wife asked if they could use it for pony club gymkanas etc. For some years they used it and one year she made some curtains that were black out ones as the ones in the caravan were flimsy. After several seasons of use of my caravan they said their girls had left pony club and caravan not needed. So it came back and the curtains she had put in there taken out and original ones put back!! Maybe she had some use for a set of caravan curtains but as she was notoriously tight fisted, I’m sure she just couldn’t bear to give them to me! There will always be scrounges Monica and all they need are good hearted folks to take advantage of. I’d have done better than you, I’d have pulled out my phone and said I’ll call you a taxi!!

What a lovely man your husband sounds Monica. Well done for handling the spongers so well. I bet they haven’t contributed a penny for free rides off anyone. I do hope the message got home. I feel furious for you.
There are givers and takers in life.
Do hope your husband is feeling loads better.

Well done MOnica! What a complete cheek! I too wish your husband well.

Some people really take the biscuit (I cannot put what I really think, my sewer mouth will see me reported!)

M0nica

Callistemon21 No, no offer to pay for petrol, not even an occasional gift of a bottle of wine.

This is why DH refers to him, on occasion, as the sponger. He justs drifts around and somehow gets other people to ease his way through life - like the way he and daughter just drifted into the car park with us last night hoping that just be being there we would offer him a lift. Dh admits that he would have done. But I an made of sterner stuff - and of course I didn't really know him because I am not part of the group.

He justs drifts around and somehow gets other people to ease his way through life

What an excellent description of all self-centred, selfish, thoughtless and inconsiderate individuals... society needs more MOnicas!

So sorry to hear you DH has been unwell . Hopefully his health will continue to improve

Some people wear blinkers & have no empathy for others situations . I’m glad you didn’t fall into the ‘ trap’ of giving them a lift . Maybe , just maybe it will cause them to reflect on their thoughtlessness 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻