Outrageous selfishness

That’s outrageous behaviour. Takers always take & seem to develop both a sense of entitlement & blindness to their behaviour. In my experience it’s no use pointing out their poor behaviour as they will never see it or own it.
So glad you’re husband is making a good recovery

Good for you, M0nica! I think it is rather sad that they made the very last bit of his time with the Operatic Group uncomfortable for both of you by their thoughtlessness/selfishness. I'll put money on it the were chuntering about you being unreasonable as they are probably completely oblivious as to why you would do such a thing. The rest of us are chuckling and admiring your stance so you ANBU or should I say haven't been unreasonable.

I hope your husband can now rest and restore his batteries.

You and your beloved DH seem to be amazing people.
With doers like you who put a lot into their lives, others assume that the doers will always put themselves out whenever required. But eventually the doers have to STOP.
I know you're looking after him. Don't let anyone else make demands.

Do these people actually drive and/have a car themselves? I ask because a friend of mine regularly does convoluted detours to pick people up and drop them off and those people have cars themselves and never offer to pick my friend up. One lady who has a car says she doesn't like driving in the dark, and another is a penny pincher and would rather use someone else's petrol. I wonder if your friends fall into either of these categories? Whatever the reason, they are extremely selfish and have been taking your DH for granted, especially as they know how I'll he's been.

Well done M0nica. I have been in a similar situation myself being continually taken advantage of by a neighbour whose health is much better than mine. I never offer to help her now, because I don't want to start up the process again.

I hope your husband is making progress now.

I like the Mumsnet CFs label. Made me smile

Well done Monica! I usually think of responses like that too late to give them.
Hope your DH is soon feeling rested, great that he managed his exit from the group on a high.
So many 'takers' in this world and they can stop people giving in case something like this happens.

What complete selfishness! As others have said, they can take buses or taxis! Or take up an interest nearer to home! I don’t drive and am sometimes offered lifts home over a SHORT distance. I rarely accept as I don’t want to be a trouble, or feel obligated. If I can’t get a bus or afford a taxi, I simply don’t go!

All I can say is, "Good grief!"

Unbelievable! I had a similar experience years ago with a work colleague who came to expect a lift home more often than not on the night we both worked late. It wasn't ten miles out of my way, only a couple but I was newly a single parent and exhausted. I'd have to pick up my child who was also tired and THEN drive this colleague home. Never once did they offer money for petrol or even buy me a small gift at Christmas, as other colleagues did in thanks for occasional lifts I'd given them. This person did not drive, but public transport was good in our town and their partner was at home! I wish I'd said something when it first began - but this continued until the colleague retired. Sadly they died shortly after and I later found they had issues with alcohol which contributed and was probably why they didn't drive... I'm not such a pushover now!

So cross reading this. The cheek of it… Well done you for your quick thinking. Glad you put stuff on the back seats, commented and just drove off without waiting for a reply…

Three cheers for you Monica….I would have been tempted to add the question about how did they get there and why would they assume anything from you. This would have not have been good however a little confrontational , you were most dignified.

My DH used to have that problem as he didn’t drink so whenever there was a “works do” everyone piled into his car and expected a taxi service, one time, and the last time he did it , the last passenger having drunk too much vomited everywhere, my poor DH arrived home late, and then had to try and clean the car, it had to go and be valeted.

Well done,be ready when they ask again.

queenofsaanich69

Well done,be ready when they ask again.

I would hope they won't, but some people have no shame.

Some of this account was quite heartwarming. DH managed to conduct three performances and that must have been quite an effort. What a great attitude to have.
Try to forget about the two people who could not organise themselves. Really not your problem. You made exactly the right decision.
We are very fortunate here as we have no shortage of fairly priced taxis and minicabs. Some people are just not very organised or sensible.

The ingratitude of someone who has come to expect something. I've exerienced this. Well done MOnica and your husband.

Like others, my furst thought was how did they get there. You did well in your response. Hope your DH's health is improving.

M0nica

Callistemon21 No, no offer to pay for petrol, not even an occasional gift of a bottle of wine.

This is why DH refers to him, on occasion, as the sponger. He justs drifts around and somehow gets other people to ease his way through life - like the way he and daughter just drifted into the car park with us last night hoping that just be being there we would offer him a lift. Dh admits that he would have done. But I an made of sterner stuff - and of course I didn't really know him because I am not part of the group.

I am always left to wonder how these types of people feel inside themselves?

Perhaps they dont have many feelings in any way.

It takes all kinds. But well done you for putting your husband first as it should be.

Jewelle

Theexwife

I am not taking sides here however as your husband had been giving them a lift for two years I can see why they wrongly thought this would continue.

I agree. If he’d been giving them a lift home for such a long time, without saying how unhappy he was about it, how are they to know?

Another example of ‘not reading the post’!
It was not a long-standing permanent arrangement. Mr MOnica only provided a lift when the sponger’s usual chauffeur couldn’t.
I got worried reading the post, as I feared they were going to get a lift! Glad they didn’t, and hope Mr M enjoys his retirement.

Take care of yourself, Mr M0nica

Good for you M0nica. I wish your husband a full and safe recovery.

We (my other half and I) often quote an often used military term whereby some people have an attitude to life as 'rights and entitlements' and others have 'duty and responsibilities' and we have met many selfish, grasping people and in my experience they are thoughtless and in their thoughtlessness cause much hurt without conscience.

I have now learnt the word no (mostly!!), i just need to teach my other half

Take care and those people are not worth your anger, try and dismiss them and remember the lovely evening instead x

I hadn't realised your DH had been so ill MOnica I hope he is continuing to improve. From what you have written I imagine this "friend" hadn't been regularly visiting or inquiring to see how he was getting on - just waiting for the taxi service to resume! Even if they has asked in advance my answer would have been NO!

Rude ignorant thoughtless people! You were brilliant to put them in their place so succinctly M0nica.
As with all takers, the pattern follows:
Appreciation
Anticipation
Expectation
Entitlement
Dependency
Resentment

Wishing your husband continued good health and newfound energy.

Purplepixie

I had a friend for years who everyone said she was just using me. We had some brilliant times together and always had a laugh. But it was always me deciding when or where we met. She never actually invited me to her house but I did ask if I could go round to hers. She never made any attempt to come to mine after I got married and moved 15 miles away. Yes, she had a car and could drive but she never did the driving - that was down to daft me. On a night out I would drive the 15 miles, pick her up and then drop her off at the end of the night. Once it was midnight before I dropped her off and I had work the next day. She later told me that she had the next day off work! The final straw came when I was ill back in 2016 and we both used to go to a painting class which happened to be in her next village. Yes, I used to pick her up and drop her off as it was on the way for me. Well, I got a very short text from her asking if I was still picking her up. NO! I was in bed ill and she never got in touch with me again. We had been friends for over 20 years! I text her and asked how she was and to wish her a happy birthday and she never replied. Then I phoned her and her phone was engaged. When I finally got the phone to ring she didnt answer. I haven’t heard from her since but I have saved a lot of money on fuel. I do miss her but she was taking me for a fool. She just expected me to do it and I do not know how it all started.

I had a similar occurrence to this. I was very good friends with someone around the corner, we used to do lots of things together but she had no car. As my health was deteriorating I had her put on my insurance and as I needed to go to hospital in London, she would drop me off at the station and could use my car for the rest of the day or whenever she needed if I wasn't using it, until I needed collecting again. One day I had a very important hospital visit, and needed to be on the train by 8am. It got to 7.30am and I couldn't get a response form her at all - turns out she was given an old jalopy at the weekend and that was the end of our friendship!