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AIBU

Gluten Free

(110 Posts)
1summer Mon 12-Feb-24 10:19:02

I am organising a brunch at home for my daughters baby shower - I don’t particularly like them but don’t want daughter to miss out.
I have invited my SIL who has decided she wants to eat a gluten free diet. I told her most things she will be able to eat but could she bring her own gluten free bagel, croissant, bread - whatever she prefers.
Well - she is very upset with me saying to be invited to my house then being asked to bring her own food is rude. She then said could someone pick her up and take her home as it’s only 2 weeks after her knee replacement and won’t be able to drive, she has also asked me to stay with her for a week after her knee replacement to look after her. So I am very good to her.
AIBU to ask someone with dietary requirements to bring own food.

cornergran Mon 12-Feb-24 11:54:22

When avoiding gluten I always told the hosts not to buy GF bread or pastry products as there were some I really disliked and would avoid.

I don’t actually think your request was unreasonable but after her reaction I’d ask which brand she prefers and buy a loaf or pack of bagels and freeze the remainder. Different responses on here are all valid. It always interests me how different we all are.

halfpint1 Mon 12-Feb-24 12:05:59

Gluten free bread is without gluten and then full of other chemical nasties. It is to be avoided.
I mainly eat vegetarian and can't remember the last time I ate
bread because its not that good for your blood sugar. Going
1 meal without bread is not difficult, people just like to make
it so for attention.

vegansrock Mon 12-Feb-24 13:11:22

From your description of her dietary choices, you obviously think she is being necessarily awkward. Gluten is difficult to digest and can often, for example, set IBS sufferers off with unpleasant symptoms, so many try to avoid it. The variety of wheat grown in Spain is different from the variety used in the UK and she could be perfectly ok with it, which indicates that it may be the wheat itself which is the problem. Maybe be less dismissive of her choices and just buy a loaf of GF bread.

eazybee Mon 12-Feb-24 13:25:35

I would have thought that as she is your sister in law therefore a relative of the mum-to-be she would have responded with 'what would you like me to bring'( fo r everyone, not just herself.)
If you buy in GF foods you will have to buy packets and no-one else will eat them, although from what you say of your SIL she will take them all home with her!
I do not think you are being rude. We did once organise a leaving party for someone who was GF, and we made the entire buffet GF so for once he could eat everything on the table.

lemsip Mon 12-Feb-24 16:34:02

another thread starter very like one a few months ago.

Callistemon21 Mon 12-Feb-24 16:39:09

halfpint1

Gluten free bread is without gluten and then full of other chemical nasties. It is to be avoided.
I mainly eat vegetarian and can't remember the last time I ate
bread because its not that good for your blood sugar. Going
1 meal without bread is not difficult, people just like to make
it so for attention.

people just like to make it so for attention
Really?
IT CAN BE DANGEROUS!!

Squiffy Mon 12-Feb-24 17:12:04

^1 meal without bread is not difficult, people just like to make
it so for attention^

What a ridiculous comment! 🤬

OldFrill Mon 12-Feb-24 17:23:08

You've told her she can eat most of what you're providing, and suggested she might like to bring a roll. I think that's very considerate of you. In return She berrates you and demands a lift. She sounds very hard work, I'd tell her there's no lift and hope she stays at home.

Witzend Mon 12-Feb-24 17:55:59

Casdon

I’m gluten free, so if you do decide to buy bread, which I agree is very hit and miss, my current favourite is M&S Made Without Brown Seeded Bread Loaf, which is £2.80 I think. It freezes very well.

Thank you for that. I’m pretty sure I have developed an intolerance, so will certainly give that a try. Most GF bread I’ve tried has been a sad disappointment.

halfpint1 Mon 12-Feb-24 18:05:09

Callistemon21

halfpint1

Gluten free bread is without gluten and then full of other chemical nasties. It is to be avoided.
I mainly eat vegetarian and can't remember the last time I ate
bread because its not that good for your blood sugar. Going
1 meal without bread is not difficult, people just like to make
it so for attention.

people just like to make it so for attention
Really?
IT CAN BE DANGEROUS!!

I said its not a big deal to go without bread, any bread.

Of course its harmfull to eat if you have a problem but
eliminating it completely is the answer, gluten free products are full of additives and chemicals to replace the gluten.
Try reading the packet and its horrible to eat.

NotSpaghetti Mon 12-Feb-24 18:05:46

I wonder if Spanish bread is made with a "lower than UK" gluten flour and a "mother dough"?

TinSoldier Mon 12-Feb-24 18:06:41

If you buy in GF foods you will have to buy packets and no-one else will eat them.

Why would nobody else eat a gluten-free product?

I buy Schär crispbreads which are delicious and great for spreads, dips and dhal. They are made from rice flour, maize flour, sugar (less than 0.5 gram per crispbread) and salt. No milk, no eggs, no wheat, no palm oil.

I agree with vegansrock. Sometimes it’s wheat not gluten which is the problem for people with IBS.

There was a very interesting article in NewScientist almost ten years ago now. It’s online for subscribers else it may be available in library archives.

In an albeit small, double-blind placebo controlled trial, those people given gluten scored more highly on a questionnaire assessing levels of depression. These results have to be treated with caution but, in the same way that we an have an obesity crisis, much of which may relate to the sheer amount of carbs, including wheat, in a modern fast=food diet, so might gluten link to the increasing levels of mental illness. That’s going off topic but I think there are good reasons to try to reduce or exclude gluten.

Squiffy Mon 12-Feb-24 18:07:52

Witzend Schar gf products are more expensive, but very good. They have a longer shelf life than other gf makes. Their Wholesome Seeded Loaf is lovely and so are their panini rolls (especially if you sprinkle water on them and put them under the grill to crisp up the crust!).

Callistemon21 Mon 12-Feb-24 18:09:52

halfpint1

Callistemon21

halfpint1

Gluten free bread is without gluten and then full of other chemical nasties. It is to be avoided.
I mainly eat vegetarian and can't remember the last time I ate
bread because its not that good for your blood sugar. Going
1 meal without bread is not difficult, people just like to make
it so for attention.

people just like to make it so for attention
Really?
IT CAN BE DANGEROUS!!

I said its not a big deal to go without bread, any bread.

Of course its harmfull to eat if you have a problem but
eliminating it completely is the answer, gluten free products are full of additives and chemicals to replace the gluten.
Try reading the packet and its horrible to eat.

Oh, I see.

Yes, I know, just thrown out the last bits of gf bread to the seagulls.

Jaffacake2 Mon 12-Feb-24 18:14:11

I always take my own food to meals as it reduces the anxiety for friends and family to cater for me. I have anaphylaxis to wheat protein and nuts and am very sensitive to cross contaminated foods, have been in shock multiple times.
It's made more difficult to cope with when people minimise a gluten free diet. People then sometimes don't fully understand people like me who are very allergic. Several people at my WI group and church often say things like " just cut the piece of that you can't eat " . They think I am just being fussy.

TinSoldier Mon 12-Feb-24 18:58:25

Squiffy. My diet is mostly fruit, veg, pulses etc. I don't buy a lot of processed food but I do like something to dip. If I make bread I use gram flour. Schär crispbreads are 21 to a box and cost £1.50 so only 7p a slice.

Callistemon21 Mon 12-Feb-24 19:15:09

TinSoldier

Squiffy. My diet is mostly fruit, veg, pulses etc. I don't buy a lot of processed food but I do like something to dip. If I make bread I use gram flour. Schär crispbreads are 21 to a box and cost £1.50 so only 7p a slice.

Will look out for those 🙂

Hilltop Mon 12-Feb-24 19:33:40

I have Coeliac disease. I always take my own food to anything like this. But l wish hosts would keep the packets from food they are supplying so l could have a quick check eg chocolates, crisps, meringues, flour coated chips, coleslaw etc.
I agree with PP, M and S brown seeded loaf is one of the best.

merlotgran Mon 12-Feb-24 19:44:00

Jaffacake2

I always take my own food to meals as it reduces the anxiety for friends and family to cater for me. I have anaphylaxis to wheat protein and nuts and am very sensitive to cross contaminated foods, have been in shock multiple times.
It's made more difficult to cope with when people minimise a gluten free diet. People then sometimes don't fully understand people like me who are very allergic. Several people at my WI group and church often say things like " just cut the piece of that you can't eat " . They think I am just being fussy.

Maybe you should change your username. 😂

AreWeThereYet Mon 12-Feb-24 20:07:34

NotSpaghetti

I wonder if Spanish bread is made with a "lower than UK" gluten flour and a "mother dough"?

Many European soft wheats do have less gluten than the American hard red wheat we eat in the UK. The hard wheat has more protein, much of which is gluten. It was introduced to the US in the 1800s, because (I think) it was easier to grow and harvest on the vast prairies. We started importing it in the mid 1800s. It made fluffier bread than the soft wheat so was in demand in a world that hadn't identified gluten as the cause of coeliac disease. The Italians have something called 00 flour which is low in gluten, and the French use T55 flour, also low in gluten. I think Spain also developed a special low gluten flour but I can't remember what it's called and no idea if it's in use.

bytheway Mon 12-Feb-24 20:22:43

I am Coeliac and I would willingly bring my own bread products. I understand how difficult it can be to cater to allergies and intolerances (though coeliac is actually an auto immune condition not an allergy or intolerance)

I would hate someone to go out and buy a whole loaf of gf bread or pack of bagels ( trust me most shop bought gf bread products are vile) just for me.

I once took a gf packed lunch to a casual wedding reception (it was a buffet with sausage rolls, quiche etc) and I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat any of it.

So, absolutely, not unreasonable to ask someone to bring there own gf bread/bagels.

flappergirl Mon 12-Feb-24 21:22:06

1summer

Thank you for the comments, maybe I am being unreasonable. Just to clarify she is not coeliac, she thinks gluten gives her digestive problems. But she admits if offered really nice bread when out she will accept and in Spain last year she ate all the Spanish bread as she thinks it is made differently and doesn’t bother her tummy!!
I know she keeps GF Bagels in her freezer so I didn’t think I was being unreasonable to ask her to bring one.
On the other hand a friend of my daughter sent me a lovely acceptance note saying she was Vegan but for me not to cater for her as was more than happy to bring her own food.
Oh well off to buy GF bagels. 😀

If that's the case I would tell her to eat what she can from the buffet. I wouldn't cater especially for her. I work in hospitality and people who demand gluten free products when there is no medical reason are self absorbed pains in the bum. Gluten free products are expensive, limited in variety and things like quiche and sausage rolls aren't always easy to get. It's a headache.

These days I make a point of asking the client if they are coeliac (which is an extremely serious condition). Nine times out of ten they are not coeliac and have no medical foundation for avoiding gluten. It's often because someone like Gwyneth Paltrow has declared it bad.

If only they knew the expense and extra work it requires for kitchen staff (no cross contamination, separate preparation area etc) just to cater for a fashionable whim.

People like your SIL make me cross.

Skye17 Mon 12-Feb-24 21:40:18

Witzend I think most gluten-free bread is disappointing too. (And full of harmful additives.)

I find these very nice, although expensive.
deliciouslyguiltfree.com/products/keto-bread-roll-bag-of-6-rolls

Skye17 Mon 12-Feb-24 21:41:37

OP, I eat gluten free and I wouldn’t mind being asked to bring my own bread. In fact, I would rather bring my own bread as I don’t like most of the gluten free bread available.

Abuelamia Tue 13-Feb-24 08:09:33

Flappergirl “These days I make a point of asking the client if they are coeliac (which is an extremely serious condition). Nine times out of ten they are not coeliac and have no medical foundation for avoiding gluten. It's often because someone like Gwyneth Paltrow has declared it bad.

If only they knew the expense and extra work it requires for kitchen staff (no cross contamination, separate preparation area etc) just to cater for a fashionable whim.”

I am not coeliac, but the smallest amount of gluten makes me ill within minutes and lasts for days. Please don’t assume or tell me this is a fashionable whim.