AIBU about meeting halfway?

Germanshepherdsmum

Dear God. Why do some people have children? Poor child.

Indeed.

Why are children regularly farmed out rather than being cared for by their parents? Care of children by others, apart from dad and mum is bonkers.

Dear God. Why do some people have children? Poor child.

MadeInYorkshire

eazybee

KatyaStrings, I agree with you; I am wary of parents who need holiday 'breaks' away from their children, particularly when they work, which means more separation.

The saddest thing I saw was a little nine year old who had been collected from boarding school by her parents; she was going to stay with granny and grandpa for a fortnight and then go on to a lovely holiday club; she was going home for a week, and then, a surprise, she was going to another lovely holiday club while mummy and daddy went to Italy 'on business', and it wasn't possible for them to take her with them 'as they had promised.
She cried, and they said, and made her repeat it. ' 'Remember, Mummy and Daddy love you very much.'

They were clearly wealthy, and clearly completely uninterested in their miserable little daughter.

I really don't see the point of having children if ALL their 'milestones' are happening with somebody else ... repeating the mantra that 'Mummy & Daddy love you very much' doesn't cut it with me I'm afraid!

Reminds me of a small girl I met years ago when I took my daughter to riding school. It was late morning and this child was almost asleep standing up. She said she didn’t want to ride today so I suggested she spoke to her Mum. She said her Mum was shopping and had got somebody else to drop her off.

It transpired that although it was a Saturday she had already had a swimming lesson, a violin lesson whilst eating snacks on the journeys. After riding she then had someone else picking her up to take her to a birthday party. She wouldn’t see her Mum until about 7pm. I felt so sorry for her.

Nor me. Would I have had a holiday away from my child? No way.

eazybee

*KatyaStrings*, I agree with you; I am wary of parents who need holiday 'breaks' away from their children, particularly when they work, which means more separation.

The saddest thing I saw was a little nine year old who had been collected from boarding school by her parents; she was going to stay with granny and grandpa for a fortnight and then go on to a lovely holiday club; she was going home for a week, and then, a surprise, she was going to another lovely holiday club while mummy and daddy went to Italy 'on business', and it wasn't possible for them to take her with them 'as they had promised.
She cried, and they said, and made her repeat it. ' 'Remember, Mummy and Daddy love you very much.'

They were clearly wealthy, and clearly completely uninterested in their miserable little daughter.

I really don't see the point of having children if ALL their 'milestones' are happening with somebody else ... repeating the mantra that 'Mummy & Daddy love you very much' doesn't cut it with me I'm afraid!

Gundy

Would you want to do a six hour commute the day before you leave for vacay, while trying to get ready for it? I think not.

If I wanted to do such a daft thing as holiday without my children, I would certainly do the drop off and pick up of my children from those so kindly doing me such a huge favour.

I'd rather make a bit more fuss of my child before leaving them.
Not some sort of drop off situation.

Gundy

Would you want to do a six hour commute the day before you leave for vacay, while trying to get ready for it? I think not.

If it meant I was dropping my child off with people who would be doing me the favour of looking after the little one for 4 days to enable me to have the holiday? One hundred percent I would.

Would you want to do a six hour commute the day before you leave for vacay, while trying to get ready for it? I think not.

If she had to drive all the way to you herself and then again on her return I should think she’d need to go away for at least a week to make all the effort worthwhile

Nonsense. I used to drive for three hours to visit my parents, one in a nursing home , one not coping at home, on Friday night after a week's teaching, then make the return journey on Sunday afternoon ready to prepare for the full-time week ahead. I was in my fifties with an elderly car, and at one time I was doing it once a fortnight, which was dreadful,

For what it's worth I think the little chap is lucky to have you as his grandparents. I can't help but feel his needs aren't being met at home, being shoved from pillar to post and he gets excluded from a holiday with his parents - apologies if that's not the case. It sounds like she's wanting everything doing to suit her without really taking her child or parents into consideration at all but if you say anything it'll probably cause more grief and you don't want to see the little one suffer as a result. Sometimes you can get taken for granted so be careful of that. Walking on eggshells springs to mind. Good luck with whatever you decide.

If she had to drive all the way to you herself and then again on her return I should think she’d need to go away for at least a week to make all the effort worthwhile!

babzi

Sounds like it may be a problem for you to look after GS in the first place. Parents work these days and have to find adequate child care. Of course, the best can be GP who usually want to do it. Tell her you cannot do it and let him go to other GP as he will likely not be subjected to their views as they are used to seeing him regularly.

No, no - you are quite, quite wrong in your assumptions. There is no problem at all in us looking after our Grandson, who we see much more regularly than his other grandparents!

Grammaretto

My DM referred to DS's adopted children as "adopted". I winced every time.
Surely stepchildren is much the same? Why do they need a label?

No, not the same at all. My stepkids lived with their Mum most of the time. My own kids were step-parented at the weekends by my first husband's partner. I would have felt uncomfortable if they had called her 'Mum'. I consider the role of step-parent to be very different to that of a parent. My other co-parents look at it the same way.

We don't see 'stepchildren' or 'stepparent' as labels. They are relationships - and very valuable, beneficial ones at that.

I can guarantee, though, that none of our family have a problem with being referred to as a step anything. Husband and I have 3 each but none together. We joined forces when they were between 2 and 8 so we've had plenty of practice.

If your children's other parents are still part of their lives, I'd think it was very considerate of you to refer to them as your step-children.

Kartush

No you are not being unreasonable at all. They are going on a holiday, it is up to them to sort out where their son is staying and get him there. We all know you will end up doing it but you are perfectly within your rights to feel a tad disgruntled about it.

Likely OP will end up driving, though they really are being selfish. I agree OP is well within her rights to feel disgruntled. I feel disgruntled for the poster and for the grandson.

Ha ha, MissAdventute

Everyone needs a label.
I wouldnt want to be thought of as some old biddy who enjoys hanging around with teen boys.

I'd rather be "nan".

My DM referred to DS's adopted children as "adopted". I winced every time.
Surely stepchildren is much the same? Why do they need a label?

grandtanteJE65

To me, you are being unreasonable and unkind, unless there are factors you have not mentioned, such as not being able to afford the petrol needed, or poor health on your part.

It also bothers me you call her your stepdaughter rather than your daughter. After all, you are married, I presume to her father and consider the child your grandchild, so why is it necessary to tell us all that she is your stepdaughter?
Reminds me uncomfortably of my mother, who had a habit once we were grown up of introducing me to her friends as "my daughter" and my sister as "my adopted daughter". Strictly true, but not kind.

Wow! I've never ever been pulled up for calling my stepkids 'my stepkids' before! There's a first time for everything.

I can guarantee, though, that none of our family have a problem with being referred to as a step anything. Husband and I have 3 each but none together. We joined forces when they were between 2 and 8 so we've had plenty of practice.

We are a very close and loving blended family - stepkids and non stepkids all treated equally, so no issues there. But we all introduce each other as 'my stepmum' 'my stepbrother' etc. Never thought of doing it any other way tbh!

That must have been hard for your sister, though. There is definitely an expectation for an adopted child to be treated on a par with their siblings and it must have been hurtful for her to be reminded she was different.

The daughter is lucky. My kids would have said “we’re coming too”.🤣🤣

Which post? There are a good many judgmental posts on here.

German shepherd mum
Why the judgemental post??? It’s every day and is very tiresome

I’d do it in a heart beat with a condition that we meet up for coffee /lunch for the handover so I get some time with her as well. However- I am only 71 & drive regularly and can afford it . Although if it was financial I would ask for a contribution.
However if the round drive is now beyond you I do think a conversation is necessary so family understand the parameters of asking for support.

No you are not being unreasonable at all. They are going on a holiday, it is up to them to sort out where their son is staying and get him there. We all know you will end up doing it but you are perfectly within your rights to feel a tad disgruntled about it.