7yr Granddaughter, how to handle separation anxiety with compassion and not be a martyr to it at the same time

Poor little mite, I’m not surprised she’s anxious at the moment. In my experience it can take quite a while to deal with these problems and you’re only there for a weekend so I would accept the way she needs to do things at the moment. Someone up thread advised asking her what to do next as you are bored which is good advice. If she feels that you understand her feelings I think the weekend may not be as bad as you expect.

And plenty of water. Raspberries were good, for some reason.

Poor little thing has to take 12 movicol sachets today within a 6 hour period.

Poor little girl! Recently I had a problem after an operation and painkillers and was threatened with being re-admitted but managed to avoid it. That is a lot of laxatives and they aren't pleasant.
Will she eat dried fruit? Thst could help, prunes, pears, apricots etc. Prune juice. Also magnesium does help too, not sure if they still sell Milk of Magnesia, I took tablets but they are huge.

Siope

Callistemon213 whoops! I was confused by large backyard, which is American for garden. I do know British houses have yards too

Yes, I wondered at first. Australians have back yards too, we know of someone who won a gardening competition for his beautiful acre of back yard!

Has 7 year old any friends to come over to play with? bit of normality for her and they can make their games up.

12 Movicol a day in 6 hours. Poor child. That is an incredible dose. DH took one a day sometimes two very rarely 3. I hope things improve for her and she’s able to settle down with a more moderate dose.

The fairy garden will go down a treat I made one with my granddaughters last school hols. Like you just bits and pieces, rose coloured stones from the garden centre.They always look at it when they come, to see if the fairies have moved now their teeth are falling out 😉
Good luck with your gastroscope. Have a lovely weekend.

Can you (together) clear a tiny patch in the garden?
You could do it together?
It only needs to be the size of a rug to feel like an achievement and would be "at home" but a step away from the normal too.

Do they have any garden furniture?
Knitting and stone painting are both nice to do outside.

I woild be tempted to try some time outside n the yard - even if it's currently a mess.
I'm sure it would lift both your moods.

Bless her the Movicol will give her griping pains. One or half a sachet a day moving forward would probably be the dose but I’m sure the medics will advise.
A fairy garden sounds like a wonderful idea. How thoughtful.
Good luck with your tests.

Thank you for updating us. I hope you both can have a pleasant weekend, keeping stress to a minimum. Would a take-away be a treat? Or a favourite meal you can peopare in advance & take?
The fairy garden sounds lovely, and just the thig for a backyard.
A little walk to get somerthing for it perhaps?
And good luck with your gastroscopy

Callistemon213 whoops! I was confused by large backyard, which is American for garden. I do know British houses have yards too

Thank you so much for your kind and insightful ideas. I agree with you.
When I say 'no back yard' there is a tiny overgrown pocket handkerchief, which needs sorting and is unplayable/unsittable in. The cats come and go as they please.
Ironically perhaps my feelings about staying at her place are similar to hers at staying at mine at them moment. I want the security of my husband, my toilet, my bed, my dogs my comfortable sofas, a garden to sit and play in. I actually don't like staying away from home. I'm also a bit anxious as having a gastroscopy under sedation at 8.30am Fri morning, then going to look after GD from 5pm that day.
She doesn't know this as with all the stress about her poor mum, I've not told her about the tests I've been having.
I think the general consensus is spot on. It's a seven mile walk to my house, but, if her tummy is settled a bus is a great idea.
I'm going to have a look and see if there's any events local to her town which is a ten min walk away.
She loves making stuff, we've been planning a fairy garden for a while, and maybe we can start work on that. I've been collecting little bits and pieces. Poor little thing has to take 12 movicol sachets today within a 6 hour period. With that and mum, and them going away I think she's finding it all a lot. In the last couple of months she has been woken in the middle of the night, with flashing ambulance outside, paramedics upstairs, mum being taken away to hospital and granny (me) looking after in her home. I think she's scared that if she can't see Mum, Mum might disappear.
However Mum and Dad have also been through hell and this weekend is a special occasion for them, a break and a bit of fun that is months overdue.
I just wish they had a comfy sofa! In all seriousness thank you.

Sorry to hear about this. Have her parents discussed her anxieties with school?

The suggestion of something to put her feet on will help as will putting her knees up.
Getting her to blow bubbles also helps ( really)
Children with severe constipation can have problems leading to soiling. This might explain wanting to be near home.
A referral to a Paediatrician may be needed if it persists. Movicol may be prescribed to help.

Hope you find a solution that works for all of you.

I must be a horrible person, but my first thought on reading your post was that you were being rather 'child led'.
She's had a nasty experience with her bowel impaction issues, its a horrible experience for a child to have, so everyone's being super kind and bowing to her every whim.
Could the reason she always feels sick in your car be because she always travels in the back seat? I (still) tend to feel nauseous when travelling in the back of cars, or busses,
Don't discuss your plans - just do what you think best.
I can understand her fretting about her cats.
So go to her house and sleep over, there's nothing wrong with spending the days at yours (but how will you get there if she won't travel in your car?) just don't make an issue of it.
I do find it rather rude though, that they ask you to look after her then lay down the law as to how.

Siope

I think the OP is in the USA. Depending where, it may not be possible to go for a walk without first getting in the car.

To be honest, given that you’re not well, and clearly neither is your granddaughter, I’d be suggesting her parents stayed home if at all possible.

I think ClareAB is in the UK, Siope as she has posted previously.

She is probably using the cats as a reason to be at home and I think this is the best place for her just now. I understand her parents need a break but is this right time to go away ? Just a thought.

I think the OP is in the USA. Depending where, it may not be possible to go for a walk without first getting in the car.

To be honest, given that you’re not well, and clearly neither is your granddaughter, I’d be suggesting her parents stayed home if at all possible.

eazybee

She is seven, and understandably feeling insecure.
She needs a calm, reassuring presence and a feeling that she is in control; no need to have masses of things to occupy her just simple undemanding activities, painting, cooking, puzzles, stories etc and your undivided attention for two days. You can always go out for a brief walk and perhaps Grandpa can visit during that time.

Added to which, she is anxious about leaving the cats on their own.

Are they indoor cats, if they have no garden?

I feel for you (and agree with Callistemon)
This sounds like a very particular situation, very soon, and I would agree with going with the flow for this weekend. When you are packing, think of yourself as well. You mustn't put you own worries on to her, but a simple 'I'm not feeling up to much either this weekend' would create a bond, possibly some sympathy from her, permission to 'slob around' a bit (pyjama day) and set a time limit.
Although it seems a shame on a nice weekend, you may just both need to watch some lovely films together. I would definitely ask them to stock up on some food items that can be fun, especially in warm weather. Maybe you could take a specific craft item or set to do.

In the longer term, this little girl need proper help with her anxieties, I hope the family can get that, and that you can help them and her.

On a practical note, a child's small stool under the feet when she goes to the loo might help too.

She is seven, and understandably feeling insecure.
She needs a calm, reassuring presence and a feeling that she is in control; no need to have masses of things to occupy her just simple undemanding activities, painting, cooking, puzzles, stories etc and your undivided attention for two days. You can always go out for a brief walk and perhaps Grandpa can visit during that time.

That’s a good point Cambsnan, 3 nights is quite a long break for a 7 year old in these circumstances, maybe one night would help her
I’d be guided by her wishes and feelings, though I sympathise with the OP. I much prefer looking after my grandchildren in my own home.

Can your DH come over and help?

Car sickness is awful. One of our DC and two DGC suffered.

She is feeling anxious too, Mummy unwell (Crohns is debilitating and could frighten a child). She herself has suffered from constipation resulting in hospital treatment and now Mum and Dad are going away.

She needs the security of her own home just now and might be tempted out for a walk to the park, a drink or icecream at a café etc. if it sounds like fun. I wouldn't push her, just reassure her.

I wonder if the real issue is a fear of needed the toilet in a hurry. If she has tummy issues her own toilet is a source of comfort to her.
It sounds like she is in real distress at present so is it the best time for her parents to go away? Maybe they need to work up to 3 nights. One night to start with!