AIBU to feel this awful mixture of emotions?

Flaxseed thankyou. She is young and has time. Good luck.

silverlining58 I am so sorry for your daughter.

My DD now knows that DP’s daughter is pregnant. She feels a bit indifferent to the news. She said it will feel worse if the baby arrives and she’s still not pregnant, but said ‘we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it’
She doesn’t want her stepsister to know about her miscarriage (they don’t see each other much)
DD had a serious mental health crisis a few years ago and with lots of therapy and a whole lot of work on herself, is very self aware and knows when things are getting a bit much, so she has started counselling through her work to ensure she doesn’t undo all of that hard work.
We had lunch together end of last week and she was pretty good all things considered.
I just pray she goes onto have a healthy pregnancy soon 🙏

Have been in a similar situation with two of my DDs. It was hard for everyone. But luckily they have a good relationship and were able to support each other. And all was out in the open - it must be hard for you having to keep information confidential.

Intensive chemo brought on early menopause so DD1 is unable to have children.
Many friends of hers had their first child in their 40 s so there is still plenty of time for your daughter. I wish her well and hope that next time all will be well.

Lovemylife, I really identified with those ‘worried sick’ feelings. Every time the phone rang when dd was newly pregnant for the 3rd time, I would absolutely dread answering, in case she was in tears on the other end again.

Once again, 🤞and 🙏 for your dd, flaxseed x.

Nothing to add to the nice words already said but sending a hug and to say it’s perfectly normal to feel conflicting emotions
You will your husband sounds nice too he’s trying to comfort and be happy at the same time
Fingers crossed for her future pregnancies

It's such a sensitive subject isn't it . I'd just had my second ectopic pregnancy around 28 years ago , when one of my sisters had just found out she was expecting her third child. I remember smiling and saying congratulations. Then crying my eyes out when I got home . I really hope the next pregnancy goes well

HousePlantQueen
You are so right. There has been such kindness and empathy shown to me and it really has helped me. I needed it. Thank you everyone

DP took me out for a lovely roast on Sunday as well as cooking for me Saturday. He’s a good man even though he doesn’t always know the right things to say.

I am feeling happier for him and his daughter than I was when I started the thread, although still feel so bad for my daughter (still unaware of that news)
After being quite pragmatic on Friday, she says she has felt very flat over the weekend (naturally), but her and her husband have just taken time out for themselves which has been good.
She’s managed to get her boss to agree to working from home this week and she said getting back into that routine has helped. Unfortunately she has had a letter and phone call regarding antenatal appointments. She had been told by EPU that her miscarriage had been added to the system, meaning that she would cease to have any further correspondance. Well that obviously didn’t work and is just an extra kick in the teeth.
My line of work puts me in contact with EPU and maternity services so I have a good mind to ask them to think about reviewing the system to prevent this happening to others.

Just want to add my sympathy too, what a distressing situation with conflicting emotions for you and your lovely husband. Such kindness on this thread, GN at its very best.

Of course you are sad and worried about your DD , it is devastating. My DD had two miscarriages followed by an ectopic pregnancy, very traumatic times. She is now the loving mum to two adorable little girls. First child was a complicated pregnancy - almost lost her and she had to be brought into the world early, second daughter straight forward! Hang in there , your DD needs your strength.
Enjoy your wine and and well done to your DP for cooking you a meal and doing his best. 💐💐

I’m so sorry for everyone who has been through similar (and worse ) situations.
But you are all very kind and made me feel a bit better. Thank you

Oh gosh Flaxseed, that’s so hard for you, and your DD will need your love and support when the other baby arrives.
My sister and I were due to give birth in the same week but I miscarried and she was expecting her second. It was a bitter sweet day when her son was born as I still hadn’t conceived again, but I remember how kind my dad was when he called to tell me he’d been born. I think my hormones were all over the place for a long time.

Roll on many years and four children, and my oldest DD miscarried this year. She was heartbroken as attempts are limited for her with IVF. Yesterday she revealed that she’s 9 weeks pregnant and we’re simultaneously delighted and worried sick.

I hope your DD goes on to have a successful pregnancy. Sending you love and hugs.

She might not want to - but there is now a "baby loss" document available.
I'm not sure the details but here is a link.

www.gov.uk/request-baby-loss-certificate

So sorry to hear this sad news.

We've experienced miscarriages in our family too and know how hard it can be, Flaxseed, made more intense for you by the happy news from your step-daughter.

Sending and hope that your daughter has a successful pregnancy next time, when she has recovered from this sadness.
The medical professionals must encounter this all the time but some sympathy wouldn't come amiss.

How very hard Flaxseed you are not in any way being unreasonable, it’s a sad coincidence, life is so cruel sometimes. I hope your partner gives you a big hug too, he’s doing his best in the only way he knows how. 💐

Just wanted to send you a hug too. My DiL had to terminate a pregnancy at 20 weeks just 5 days before my DD’s wedding so I know how you feel.

When I was having DD, my second child, the woman in the next room was being encouraged into the birth of a baby the midwives already knew had died, for a second i wanted to let her have my DD as i already had one healthy child at home, of course the thought came and went in a nanosecond, no way could I really give my darling daughter away.

But the memory has never gone and I have often wondered and hoped that that unknown woman went on to have healthy children and on DD's birthday, I also remember the child born about the same time as her, who was born to eternal sleep.

So sorry for your daughter and you. Sending virtual hugs.

Flaxseed of course you feel horribly mixed emotions. Be kind to yourself .
I hope that there is a successful pregnancy soon for your DD.

Enjoy your nice dinner and wine Flaxseed. I suspect men rarely know the right thing to say, and in trying to say the right thing they often say the wrong thing, but it sounds like you’ve got a keeper there.

Curtaintwitcher, you have to have 3 miscarriages before investigations which seems cruel, but with 1:4 early pregnancies ending in miscarriage, I guess it’s just not a priority for the NHS.
Praying she goes on to have another, healthier pregnancy soon.
Sorry to everyone messaging to say their daughters have been through this too.

I am so sorry Flaxseed. I am not sure that anything anyone can say helps much, just time.

Not at all unreasonable. Nothing is ever straightforward but in your case you have the added joy to share with DP when your own DD is grieving.

Happiness tinged with sadness. Let's hope DD2 will have a baby in future.

My cousin had twins when she was aged 46. having previously suffered a late miscarriage.

Thank you for all being so kind. DP sensed something was up and I just told him I feel so sad for DD.
He really tries to be sympathetic and he’s a lovely man, but he always struggles to know what to say.
He says things that he thinks will help - like
‘They are a strong couple, they’ll get through this’
Or ‘At least they know they are fertile’
Both true statements and I know he’s just trying to help but it’s better just to try and work through my emotions through here or talking to my best friend!
He has gone out to buy me wine and is going to cook me a nice dinner later bless him, so I know he’s trying to help

This happens often in families...good news from one member, sad news from another.
I hope your daughter (hate those abbreviations) learns why her baby was damaged and tries again.