AIBU to feel this awful mixture of emotions?

I'm sorry to hear this Flaxseed, feeling sad is completely normal look after yourself

I had a similar mix of emotions when DD2 was strongly advised to terminate a first and much-wanted pregnancy because the foetus was so damaged it might not even have lived to term. Even that wasn’t straightforward as she developed an infection after the procedure and had to be readmitted.
At the same time DD1 had her third baby (a girl, after two boys) and pics from the time show D2 struggling bravely to recover. To her credit, D1 dropped everything and drove over 120 miles to comfort her sister .
We were heartbroken for D2 but rejoiced at the birth of our first granddaughter.
Of course you are not being unreasonable - reason does not come into,it where love, sadness, death and birth are concerned 🌺🌺
Sincere sympathy.

So sorry Flaxseed - ofcourse you have a mixture of emotions.
You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.

Thanks both of you.
RosiesMaw, gosh that must have been so hard for you (but also lovely welcoming your new GD)

Luckily, both DD’s are close and DD2 (Mum of my two DGS) is very supportive of her sister.
It’s going to be so hard for DD when she finds out DP’s DD is pregnant but I know she will be pleased for her.

They say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child and that couldn’t be more true

Thanks crazyH
I am trying to keep busy as really I just want to burst into tears

Go ahead and cry! This is a sad thing for you all and you won't feel happy for your DP until you have grieved for the loss of this little one.

DP needs to know your sadness so don't cover it up. There's a way to go before his GC is born and by then I'm sure you will feel so much more able to welcome another little one.

Life throws us these things from time to time- don't hide your feelings, I am sure they feel for you too.

I’m so sorry Flaxseed. How absolutely awful for all of you. You are not being in the least unreasonable. It’s a huge conflict of emotions and loyalties, a big burden to bear. Don’t keep your emotions from your partner, allow him to comfort you. One day at a time for all of you, and I hope happiness lies ahead. 💐

It's awful for you flaxseed and, of course, you are not being unreasonable. Please let you partnerknow how you are.

I have a photo of DH, a very tearful Dd3 and me admiring DD2's first daughter. DD3 was tearful as she had just miscarried for the third time. She was incredibly brave and determined to go and congratulate her sister on her new baby although it was hard for her.

But, she now has 3 lovely children of her own.

I’m so sorry about your dd, Flaxseed. I do know how
hard it is. My dd had 2 misses before her first successful pregnancy - the 2nd was particularly devastating for her since she still had all the symptoms but was told at her 8 week scan that there was no heartbeat - it was a ‘missed’ miscarriage.

However she eventually went on to have 3 healthy babies, and no further misses. 🤞🙏 for your dd.

This happens often in families...good news from one member, sad news from another.
I hope your daughter (hate those abbreviations) learns why her baby was damaged and tries again.

Thank you for all being so kind. DP sensed something was up and I just told him I feel so sad for DD.
He really tries to be sympathetic and he’s a lovely man, but he always struggles to know what to say.
He says things that he thinks will help - like
‘They are a strong couple, they’ll get through this’
Or ‘At least they know they are fertile’
Both true statements and I know he’s just trying to help but it’s better just to try and work through my emotions through here or talking to my best friend!
He has gone out to buy me wine and is going to cook me a nice dinner later bless him, so I know he’s trying to help

Not at all unreasonable. Nothing is ever straightforward but in your case you have the added joy to share with DP when your own DD is grieving.

Happiness tinged with sadness. Let's hope DD2 will have a baby in future.

My cousin had twins when she was aged 46. having previously suffered a late miscarriage.

I am so sorry Flaxseed. I am not sure that anything anyone can say helps much, just time.

Curtaintwitcher, you have to have 3 miscarriages before investigations which seems cruel, but with 1:4 early pregnancies ending in miscarriage, I guess it’s just not a priority for the NHS.
Praying she goes on to have another, healthier pregnancy soon.
Sorry to everyone messaging to say their daughters have been through this too.

Enjoy your nice dinner and wine Flaxseed. I suspect men rarely know the right thing to say, and in trying to say the right thing they often say the wrong thing, but it sounds like you’ve got a keeper there.

Flaxseed of course you feel horribly mixed emotions. Be kind to yourself .
I hope that there is a successful pregnancy soon for your DD.

So sorry for your daughter and you. Sending virtual hugs.

When I was having DD, my second child, the woman in the next room was being encouraged into the birth of a baby the midwives already knew had died, for a second i wanted to let her have my DD as i already had one healthy child at home, of course the thought came and went in a nanosecond, no way could I really give my darling daughter away.

But the memory has never gone and I have often wondered and hoped that that unknown woman went on to have healthy children and on DD's birthday, I also remember the child born about the same time as her, who was born to eternal sleep.

Just wanted to send you a hug too. My DiL had to terminate a pregnancy at 20 weeks just 5 days before my DD’s wedding so I know how you feel.

How very hard Flaxseed you are not in any way being unreasonable, it’s a sad coincidence, life is so cruel sometimes. I hope your partner gives you a big hug too, he’s doing his best in the only way he knows how. 💐

We've experienced miscarriages in our family too and know how hard it can be, Flaxseed, made more intense for you by the happy news from your step-daughter.

Sending and hope that your daughter has a successful pregnancy next time, when she has recovered from this sadness.
The medical professionals must encounter this all the time but some sympathy wouldn't come amiss.

She might not want to - but there is now a "baby loss" document available.
I'm not sure the details but here is a link.

www.gov.uk/request-baby-loss-certificate

So sorry to hear this sad news.

Oh gosh Flaxseed, that’s so hard for you, and your DD will need your love and support when the other baby arrives.
My sister and I were due to give birth in the same week but I miscarried and she was expecting her second. It was a bitter sweet day when her son was born as I still hadn’t conceived again, but I remember how kind my dad was when he called to tell me he’d been born. I think my hormones were all over the place for a long time.

Roll on many years and four children, and my oldest DD miscarried this year. She was heartbroken as attempts are limited for her with IVF. Yesterday she revealed that she’s 9 weeks pregnant and we’re simultaneously delighted and worried sick.

I hope your DD goes on to have a successful pregnancy. Sending you love and hugs.

I’m so sorry for everyone who has been through similar (and worse ) situations.
But you are all very kind and made me feel a bit better. Thank you