Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

Sounds like they need some time to bound and get into a routine. I wouldn't worry too much , it's early days. They will get in touch when they're ready

I'm so sorry. When my son and his wife had a baby they were overseas and if it were not for my DIL messaging me, I would not have known that the day before, she gave birth.

I recieved a photo from my DIL. My son was very young and not really coping and I think my DIL wanted me to send money or I might not have heard anything. I don't have any advice, just know it's not just you. I hope she contacts you soon.

My granddaughter and her OH were like this with their 1st baby (he was our first great-grandchild and we were sooo excited).
I never found out if it was a massive overreaction to the possibility of germs or just a desire to be private.
All I know was that it was dreadfully hurtful and I shed quite a lot of tears at the time. But we respected their decision, and when his little brother was born a couple of years later, they reacted in the same way as everyone else and were proud to show him off.
Try not to take it to heart, difficult I know, respect their wishes and they will relax in a few weeks.
It seems its quite usual these days.

I’m afraid this is all to common with new parents nowadays, instead of joyfully sharing news and phone calls with the newest family member, they either stay quiet about it and are mysterious or ask family not to contact them for weeks while they ‘bond’.Pretentious piffle.

I know from reading posts on Mumsnet that this is now very common. Each to their own, but both of my sons and their partners just couldn't wait to show off their babies (not just to grandparents, but to all their friends too) , lots of pictures, asked us when we'd like to visit etc. I too would have been upset if they hadn't wanted us to be involved, but, you just have to go with their wishes and try not to take it personally, hard though that must be.

My grandson and his wife invited me to see my second great grand daughter when she was 5 days old, I drove 40 miles to see her, 80 mile round trip, I'm 83.

Sorry but I cannot understand this modern way. "We must have time to bond" etc.
If this was 50 years ago, when I and many others on here did not have the luxury of paternity leave then all help and visitors would be gratefully received.
I don't think bonding existed when my two were born.

It seems so hurtful and in some ways silly. Is this some fashionable new trend? I was invited to see my first grandchild when she was two hours old. I hope they soon relent and invite you to see your granddaughter.

Oreo

I’m afraid this is all to common with new parents nowadays, instead of joyfully sharing news and phone calls with the newest family member, they either stay quiet about it and are mysterious or ask family not to contact them for weeks while they ‘bond’.Pretentious piffle.

Pretentious piffle.

😁 I agree

No paternity leave, of course, so I was grateful that my parents travelled 150 miles by train to come and stay because DH was so busy at work. Then he went away for four months. MIL could pop over when she liked buf she didn't come for a for a couple or three days because she was busy working too.

We all managed to bond just fine.

My son and his wife were with the NCL. They made lots of friends through it but were given a list of all sorts of things that they should and shouldn’t do and they did it by the letter. It included not having visitors etc. They were far more relaxed with their second child but I found it rather hurtful at the time especially as I’m very conscious of the need to give people space.

In understand you’re upset and you want news about your grandchild, but your daughter has just been through childbirth. How is she doing? She’s the one I would focus on. You could try sending a message offering help - to bring some food over, or a fresh coffee but make it clear you don’t expect anything in return and you can just drop it at the door if that’s what they want. It’s hard, but you’ll see baby soon.

Having read a lots of threads on Mumsnet it would seem that this is the modern way. There are equally threads where a young mum bemoans the fact that their relatives want to swoop in and take over.

You cant have it both ways.

Obviously its up to the parents to decide what they want.

I didn’t have any trouble bonding with my babies and accepting outside help when I gave birth
I m afraid this is one modern way that I think is quite horrible
Shutting your own family out to ‘ bond’ is blooming rude

It never happened up until recently and I agree it is pretentious and divisive my Mum was there to help me she didn’t try to take over I d have told her if she had I was glad of the help When mine all gave birth I went straight afterwards to help As they were a flight away I had to stay, it didn’t effect any of them bonding and I did what was needed in no way taking over just helping
I feel for you Cookie

This happened to a friend. Their daughter made it clear before the birth that she, husband and baby would be going into ‘purdha’ for the first month in order to bond. No noise. No outside influence 🙄 . Friend was distraught. Fast forward 5 years when baby no 2 was due and the whole scenario changed. Daughter couldn’t wait for her Mum to move in and help! It’s just a C21 trend. A daft one IMO. I couldn’t wait to show off my babies and was more than grateful for visitors and help. DH was back at work the next day and my Mum was with me straight away.
Cookie. I feel for you and hope you see your grandchild very soon.

Oreo

I’m afraid this is all to common with new parents nowadays, instead of joyfully sharing news and phone calls with the newest family member, they either stay quiet about it and are mysterious or ask family not to contact them for weeks while they ‘bond’.Pretentious piffle.

I agree. Load of nonsense.

Why do so many new parents nowadays think no one else has ever had a baby to ‘bond’ with?

The whole world doesn’t revolve around them and their child, and they might remember that when they do need some help and support.

My DD2 and siL were ok with close family but would not allow friends to visit for a few weeks just wanted family time with their first baby. Friends found this quite hurtful. When second baby arrived anyone could visit who wanted too.
It is hurtful for you but go with the flow your daughter will soon be in touch. I would do doorstep drop offs of things you think they would appreciate.

Personally I certainly wouldn’t do doorstep drop offs at all that will just encourage them to keep ‘people’ at arms length and prove their reclusive behaviour to be right
Keep anything for the baby until you are ‘allowed’ a visit even if it means buying second size items (they probably won’t find them to their taste anyway)
It’s selfish behaviour and hopefully it’s a new thing that will die out soon just like all the other silly fads
I couldn’t wait to show my little ones off and was out with pride a short time after they were born
Babies need people not just a bubble of mum and dad I don’t know where this daftness has arrived from but I hope it goes back soon

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask for a photo of baby it’s so easy these days.
I do understand that a new mother does not want intrusive attention so soon, we didn’t all those years ago.

I do find this ‘fashionable’ preciousness weird - I’m so sorry, OP.

Obviously nobody wants to be inundated with the sort of people who stay too long, don’t bring anything helpful (e.g. a meal that can just be shoved in the oven) and expect to be waited on with cups of tea, but to exclude close family from meeting a new baby does strike me as cruel.

Thank goodness my dd was only too happy for us to visit as soon as we could get there, after the births of her 3.

‘Pretentious Piffle’ indeed! 🙄.
Leave them to it. You’ll be needed soon enough!

My mother was my life line. I would have drowned without her.

The only reason I can think of is that new parents might be concerned about Covid and a visitor (who might be without symptoms) giving it to the new baby or new Mum.
But this is started way before the pandemic.

I can understand not wanting to be inundated with lots of visitors but close family? Odd.

It's just the latest fad. Fashions in bringing up babies come and go but babies don't change.

Don't be hurt, Cookie04, they've been persuaded that this is the right thing to do. I hope you can go to see them all soon.

In the not so recent past when travel was not so easy, grandparents often did not see their new grandchildren for weeks, if not even months.

When our first child was born DH's parents lived 60 miles away. They did not own a car or even drive and there was no easy public transport. They were very quickly told of DS's arrival but did not see him until he was over a fortnight old and I had recovered enough from a difficult birth to be up to the journey. They did not have a phone either, so letting them kmow the baby was born, let alone anything else was very difficult.

Back in 1950 when my sister was born, we lived in Carlisle, family on both sides lived in London. They did not see the new arrival until she was several months old.

In wartime some fathers did not see thier children until they were years old. My father was sent to India 3 months before my sister was born and did not see her until she was nearly 3

Get a grip.

I can imagine how hurt you must be feeling. Odd behaviour in my opinion, but then we’re all different. Most couples would be overjoyed to introduce their new baby to close family and friends. This doesn’t mean that visitors should just drop in without checking on a time that doesn’t interrupt the routine. I do hope you hear from your daughter very soon. 💐