Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

Try not to feel hurt and rejected. As you’ll see from posters here, this move to living in a cocoon of 3 in the period after the baby arrives isn’t unusual. This obsession with germs and bonding as a new family is new to us.
Do something special you really enjoy and wait for it to change.
I’ve been very lucky with my daughters being thrilled to share the news and the babies

I find it all a bit odd too. Yes, I totally get that new parents don't want to be inundated with visitors in those first few days (or weeks), but telling close family and friends is surely part of the joy of having a new baby? I wouldn't have wanted the hassle of having lots of visitors at that time, but we were excited to welcome our little one and it felt natural that our close family would feel the same way too. And, as others have said, we all managed to 'bond' fine too!

A bit unkind, Monica!
Different times, different circumstances.

None of the wider family saw dd2 until she was 3 months old - because we were in Abu Dhabi, a 7 hour flight away. Dh didn’t even see dd1 until she was a week old, because he was working in Oman and I’d had her in the U.K., because the local hospital at the time was pretty dire.

It’s a bit different when close and would-be loving family are an easy distance away.

We struggled on when DC3 arrived because my parents weren't at all well, my MIL was too far away, DH couldn't take any time off work and I would have been so glad of some help as I tore ligaments in my ankle!
We hadn't decided on a name either.

The fad of bonding is nonsense. A baby couldn’t care less who feeds him or her. What happened to good old common sense?

It's just the latest fad. Fashions in bringing up babies come and go but babies don't change.

I suspect it is in baby books and on websites.

My DD was most surprised when she read my babybook that I had used.
She said, much of the information given out, had changed nowadays.

To be fair, I did much of what was in my book.
I suspect new mums are doing the same with what they read and they are given.

My kids wouldnt and havent dreamt of not giving out basic details and an occasional picture/video.
Sorry op.

But 4 days isnt that long. Though will feel like it when you are waiting.
Hopefully they announce things soon.

It is their baby. I am sure they are doing as well as they know how. It is a huge change of life 'stage'. Be nice, be patient, do not 'expect' anything. - My mother in law successfully broke the first 3 marriages of my brother in law - by always being available to help, always saying her 'better' way of anything from folding a sheet to making jam - totally undermined the young wives and they got no chance to make and learn from their own mistakes. Would have happened to us too, but we lived 300 miles away!

I remember Dr. Hugh Jolly in the 1970’s who told us never to sleep with our babies as we might smother them. I can’t remember anything else.
New parents are told so much about what to do or not to do by all these forums and internet sites they must be dizzy.
Unfortunately they take more notice of the nonsense ( most of it is) than they do of us.
How we ever managed to get our children to adulthood is a complete mystery.

Strange how it's all changed by the time baby number two appears.
It's just weird, but you've no choice but to play along.

Dr Benjamin Spock - my bible!!

Gingster spot on.

Witzend

A bit unkind, Monica!
Different times, different circumstances.

None of the wider family saw dd2 until she was 3 months old - because we were in Abu Dhabi, a 7 hour flight away. Dh didn’t even see dd1 until she was a week old, because he was working in Oman and I’d had her in the U.K., because the local hospital at the time was pretty dire.

It’s a bit different when close and would-be loving family are an easy distance away.

Not in the least bit unkind of Monica. She is merely telling us of her personal experience in the past. She is allowed her opinion as much as we all are within the guidelines.

Babies haven't read the books or the websites or the social media! I remember my health visitor telling me that babies didn't come with a manual!

This may change, my own daughter had her first baby in May 2020, beforehand she said very clearly no going to the hospital and no visiting in early days.She got what she thought she wanted due to Covid lockdown. In reality she realised the being on her own with only DH was terrible and after a few weeks I had to move into her bubble. But it was made clear I was needed to look after daughter and husband not the baby which of course was absolutely fine.
Her second baby was born 3 months ago and no mention was made of being in a bubble to bond, She had pre eclampsia and was very poorly for weeks so lots of family were called to support them look after baby and toddler.
I am sure it will all work out,

I was always the first GP to meet my GC almost as soon as they were born. Their parents were happy to share their joy. I still have a great relationship with all of my now-adult GC. I also met my GGD soon after she was born and delight in my growing relationship with her, now a lively two-year-old. No-one has come to any harm from these early - and ongoing - contacts.

Well first of all, I would go out of my mind with boredom if I was shut in for a month, I was out and about as soon as I was released from hospital, and I welcomed all visitors.
My children have been the same, babies cuddled by loving cousins, aunties and grandparents, all have survived , it’s obviously personal choice, but doesn’t make any sense to me.

Unnecessarily rude behaviour.
No visitors, possibly, but cutting off all contact and information is unkind.
Unfortunately, nothing you do but bide your time.

henetha

It seems so hurtful and in some ways silly. Is this some fashionable new trend? I was invited to see my first grandchild when she was two hours old. I hope they soon relent and invite you to see your granddaughter.

It does seem to be a mad fab! Our niece shut herself, baby and partner away for 6 weeks, “bonding and cocooning”

We thought it was utter nonsense but each to their own I guess!

OP, as people have said, it's quite a common thing now so at least not personal. I wouldn't like it either, but it will change, so maybe look ahead to the happier time when you will get to know your grandchild.

I can see one point. When I had my eldest I did struggle to establish breastfeeding, and less focus on visitors and the state of the house in the first three days might have helped. (It was a home birth.) We managed it in the end.

I wonder if a better way than your daughter's might be to say in advance that they won't want any visitors for X days or weeks, and send a photo when the baby arrives.

I know it's difficult as I've experienced it, but in the general scheme of things a few days isn't too bad as long as you get to be functioning GP after that.

We didn't. My son and his partner have never really let us be a part of our GC's life. We have never attended a birthday, even when they lived with us from when the baby was a few months old, they just went out and didn't invite us . My son used to get annoyed if he came downstairs and saw me holding the baby, even though my DIL had given me the baby so she could do other things.

My son monitors me on social media and says he has "an obligation" to me but does not want to be a part of our lives. He recently visited me in hospital and brought his child, which was lovely- but we are prevented from normal contact.

I hope this improves for you and that you get the chance to be normal grandparents. I am still waiting and hoping , but GC is now at school....

It's the latest fad - and worse since covid from the looks of things.

Don't take it personally! - your time will come when they need some input from you!

It is unbelievable that young parents have been brainwashed into thinking that the odd visit from a grandparent might result in them failing to bond with their baby - but there we go - that's how it is.

Thank goodness my DDs had more common sense!

Luckily I saw all 4 of my grandchildren within the first few hours of birth...and this despite the actual birth being difficult for the mother a couple of times. All babies well and healthy Thank God. So if there was a problem with either mother or baby I could understand a muted response and a different way of dealing with a worrying situation...and them needing some distance and time.
Usually the parents are bursting with delight and pride, very easy to understand when all is well as it was in my case.
In this day of phones constantly at hand I would expect a photo or photos to swiftly be sent though even if a visit wasn't welcome...and a name would be great to know.
Id just go along with it and know you will be very welcome when the new parents are ready. Some people find it such a huge readjustment they want to knuckle down to bind for a while in private. It will change as they settle down. Difficult for you though I understand. Just 'be there' with every encouragement meanwhile.

'bond' not bind