I feel like we're parenting our grandchildren and I'm finding that I don't want to do it anymore.

if this sounds not of this....

I'm sorry of this sounds harsh but why have they had children if they won't look after them. Work life balance is important. It seems that for the OP the balance is completely put of kilter. Come to that it's out of kilter for the children's parents too.

My DDs in-laws have embarked on childcare for their DDs baby.
They have the baby one day a week, the other GP one day. Nursery 2 days and the parents take turns to keep baby the 5th day.
It's working OK but already the other gran was sick so their job doubled.
Having recently retired, they are both feeling a bit constrained however much they love the baby.

DD is a SAHM or I should say a working from home mum so hasn't expected either sets of DGP to cover childcare.

Why are you paying for their holidays and parenting their children?? Let them grow up.. and start taking responsibility for both their own lives and their children.. let them find a childminder...

I think the thing is as soon as a Grandma/Grandad look after their GC for more than a couple of hours as in have them for a day every week or have them staying over then they HAVE to parent them. It won't all be lots of fun and laughter as you are infact taking the parental role as their parents are not there so in that amount of time there will be boundaries that have to be set to keep the child safe if nothing else, there will be times when you have to say 'no' to them, there will be meltdowns as kids are kids its what they do. The more you have them the more comfortable they will be with you and their behaviour may be worse which is entirely normal. If you don't want to 'parent' your GC then you have to take a step back - not look after them for whole days every week and just be the Grandma that visits whilst the parents are there - then the 'parenting' will be left to the parents and you can just play with the GC and have fun which seems to be what you're after. So more Grandma and less Grandparent. But I'm guessing this has all come about maybe due to the parents not being able to afford sending the children to nursery? Thats on them if so, they shouldn't have had children if they can't afford nursery fees etc. You can't always expect family members to be available. You will have to be honest with them and say you can't do it anymore, its too much for you, you're finding it stressful and tiring. If they are good people they will accept this and seek out other arrangements. If they're are in any way not nice about it then thats on them and they're purely being selfish. They might just think you enjoy it which is understandable if you're not telling them otherwise?

when are they going to take you on a special holiday,
or better still, pay for you to go to a place of your choice, just the 2 of you. ??
thought not.

Another tale of AC taking advantage! This level of childcare is totally unacceptable. Their children their responsibility, you have parented your own children - they must now do the same. I am speechless and posts like yours are coming up so often . Most GNs will be aware of my views on this. I did one day a week and no more unless it was an emergency. Our 6 year old is with us this weekend but it is a special treat for her and Joy for us. Tell you out AC you can no longer cope with all this childcare. It has become a job and a chore so change it now. You have the power to deal with this. Your AC are not entitled to your help , they are taking massive advantage of you. I can't believe they have put you in this
Situation. Going away on a 'special' holiday without their children beggers belief. Just say NO now.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. As someone said upthread, it's time to put your Big Girl Pants on and tell them you are not going to do so much.

I'm also concerned that the children are unsettled - and not surprised, given that they hardly see their parents. Why on earth did they have children?

Good luck.

You do one day a week childcare which seem reasonable, but if that day comprises 11 hours without a break, it is not, as I presume is the case during the holidays. Plus sleepovers, extended weekends, family holidays where you still do childcare and now a 'special holiday of six days which you are clearly dreading.
Why are you doing all this, and more importantly, why are the parents not looking after their increasingly difficult children during their leisure time? What sort of parents have special holidays excluding their young children?
Answer: bad ones.
You need to decide exactly what care you are prepared to do and stick to it. If it were me I would be prepared to help during work hours but not weekends or evenings, and I would express concern about the children's behaviour; they are clearly very unsettled. Three and six year olds not seeing their parents for six days while they go on holiday; what are they thinking of? Only themselves.

M0nica

I am afraid that you got yourselves into this mess by being so accommodating and willing to do antthing your AC and partner wanted. The only consolation is that you are one of thousands, possibly 100s of thousands of grandparents who make this mistake. About one thread a week is started on GN on this very subject.

Now you need to extract yourself. I think the best way is to invit your AC and partner round for a nice meal and then explain to them that you are getting older, losing stamina and children are also getting older and more demanding and you can no longer provide the childcare, you did. Tell them what you cam manage and make sure you cut well back, no giving way ans till doing too much and then give them 6 0r 8 weeks to organise alternative care. Then grit your teeth and sit out all the upset that usually follows.

I agree with all this except the meal bit!

So don’t do it anymore.

I am actually shocked that so many adult children expect their parents to bring up their kids. When my kids were small and I returned to work I didn’t expect them to be mychildminders. Theyhad recently retired and were enjoying spending time together and I thought it was unfair to put that on them. I found a registered child minder and paid a lot of money to her. The kids loved going to her and playing with her own kids.

I really don't want to do this but they have booked a special holiday and would be devastated if they had to cancel So you are not just caring for the children during the parents' working hours, but also so they can swan off on holiday!? It beggars belief.

I do not think that what the other GPs are doing in the way of child care is at all relevant. The central problem is that this young couple have had children and then expect their parents to be the parents.

The solution is blindingly simple .....JUST SAY NO! Spell it out to them - we have been parents and now you must be. We are not prepared to do this any more.

You mention sticking to parents' rules about treats etc. Maybe you should just decide your own rules! If parents don't like it they can make other arrangements.

No reason why you should go on holidays with them- you obviously have lots of contact with GC and need some child-free breaks.

Yes. I agree. You are the only ones who can stop this.
Give them a "we can do this until".. date and stick to it.

The other grandparents managed to say "no"... you can too.

I am afraid that you got yourselves into this mess by being so accommodating and willing to do antthing your AC and partner wanted. The only consolation is that you are one of thousands, possibly 100s of thousands of grandparents who make this mistake. About one thread a week is started on GN on this very subject.

Now you need to extract yourself. I think the best way is to invit your AC and partner round for a nice meal and then explain to them that you are getting older, losing stamina and children are also getting older and more demanding and you can no longer provide the childcare, you did. Tell them what you cam manage and make sure you cut well back, no giving way ans till doing too much and then give them 6 0r 8 weeks to organise alternative care. Then grit your teeth and sit out all the upset that usually follows.

I think you need to have a calm but honest discussion after this special holiday your AC are taking. Out of interest, did they ask if you were happy having your GC while they went on holiday or did they go ahead and book it anyway? Sounds like they are taking you for granted. I have always been a hands-on Granny and must have saved my AC thousands over the years in free childcare. You don't mention your age but at 76 I am slowing down a bit and my family are made aware of that. You need to decide what you are prepared to do going forward and telling your AC what that is and sticking to it. Ignore the other GP's who buy the children's affections with constant presents. It seems an increasing number of the current generation of young parents expect their parents to be childminders. I see it all the time when I am out and about. Elderly people wrestling with energetic youngsters while the freedom of retirement passes them by.

If you carry on childminding your GCs you will become more and more resentful.
You need to be clear about what you are willing to do and what you can't.
You are being taken for granted and this should be discussed with the parents. They seem to rely heavily on you for childcare. You have your own lives to live and they should take more responsibility for their own children.
If you've had enough tell them and enjoy your later years as you wish.
Good luck. I hope it turns out well for you.

Give plenty of notice, then cut back and do only what you can manage, and want to do.

There is no reason whatsoever for grandparents to be doing all this childcare.

This isn’t about you and the other GPs, they have worked out what suits them.

Now it’s time for you to sit down with your ACs and tell them that after their ‘special’ holiday you no longer want to look after the Grandchildren.

Big pants on Katienan1

Oh dear I guess you are going to have to cover the special holiday but when that is over you need to talk things over and make new arrangements. I would certainly arrange a long holiday away. The eldest must be at school and the younger one could go to nursery so they need to arrange some after school care or think about their work, family balance. With hindsight you shouldn’t have picked up the slack when the other GPs backed off easier said than done I know

I think you should forget what the other gps do. Not your business. Have you told them how you feel. They may think you are happy with the arrangements. Could you find play schemes near you to help with the holiday cover? Try your local council. I don’t think you can let them down this close to the holiday. Post holiday you need to have a sensible conversation about what you can offer.

You know you have to put a stop to this. You cannot carry on and they aren’t your children. You need to have a good talk with your AC and let them deal with their children. You shouldn’t have your GC anywhere near as much as you do.

Goodness. A "special" holiday? IMHO you have to accept that once you have children, you all go on holiday together, as a family. And it won't be the sort of holiday you would have as an adult couple. You don't swan off on some sort of special holiday and expect your parents to pick up the slack.

Clearly some kind of more permanent, regular childcare is needed. It really does seem it's time to sit down and explain that you just can't keep doing this any more.

You'll wear yourself into the ground. It's sounds grossly unfair on you and selfish on their part.

Time to step back and let the parents do what they should be doing........raising and caring for their own children.
You and your DH are not getting any younger and I find it appalling that the parents feel the need to book a 'special holiday' expecting you to pick up the slack yet again! What about a special holiday for you - minus AC and GC?

I think the other GP have the right idea ' they dip in and out as suits them' ....there raised their children and so have you.....time to pull away and let the actual parents tale responsibility for their children....and if that means childcare then so be it