I feel like we're parenting our grandchildren and I'm finding that I don't want to do it anymore.

Yanbu

What other hobbies or interests do you both have in life apart from work and looking after the grandchildren? Grandparents should be enjoying fun times with their grandchildren, rather than virtually bringing them up. You need time for yourselves as a couple. The parents need to give you a break and arrange some alternative childcare.

YANBU

Are you both still working?
I gather you do one day per week and the DGC are at school and nursery?
That doesn't sound too much but if you are fed up with it then you must say. The parents will need to find an alternative arrangement.

Never mind what the other DGP do or not. That's not your business.

I am with you on this and I think I would hire a nanny to come to my home to care for the parents' children and then I would leave. It's not your job.

What are the children's parents doing ? Why aren't they looking after their own children?

Bit of a daft comment @Whiff - they are quite obviously working.

1. Unfortunately you have allowed yourselves to be turned into the "childcare arrangement" so the parents have absolutely no reason to look for or consider paid childcare
2. The other GPs have not allowed that to happen for them which is their right and frankly rather sensible. They know their limitations and have set boundaries
3. How they then choose to treat their GC is between them and the parents
4. You have to set clear boundaries in your home and the time in your care. If your GC is rude, having meltdowns then you have to go through the whole parenting rigmarole to deal with those. The GC have to learn and understand your boundaries when in your care
5. Alternatively you have to tell the parents that you can no longer offer this level of childcare and why ...from your perspective re time and age and not criticising the other GPs and their parenting.

The solutions to this are in your hands but I know it is not easy now that the situation has got this far 💐

I think the other GP have the right idea ' they dip in and out as suits them' ....there raised their children and so have you.....time to pull away and let the actual parents tale responsibility for their children....and if that means childcare then so be it

Time to step back and let the parents do what they should be doing........raising and caring for their own children.
You and your DH are not getting any younger and I find it appalling that the parents feel the need to book a 'special holiday' expecting you to pick up the slack yet again! What about a special holiday for you - minus AC and GC?

Goodness. A "special" holiday? IMHO you have to accept that once you have children, you all go on holiday together, as a family. And it won't be the sort of holiday you would have as an adult couple. You don't swan off on some sort of special holiday and expect your parents to pick up the slack.

Clearly some kind of more permanent, regular childcare is needed. It really does seem it's time to sit down and explain that you just can't keep doing this any more.

You'll wear yourself into the ground. It's sounds grossly unfair on you and selfish on their part.

You know you have to put a stop to this. You cannot carry on and they aren’t your children. You need to have a good talk with your AC and let them deal with their children. You shouldn’t have your GC anywhere near as much as you do.

I think you should forget what the other gps do. Not your business. Have you told them how you feel. They may think you are happy with the arrangements. Could you find play schemes near you to help with the holiday cover? Try your local council. I don’t think you can let them down this close to the holiday. Post holiday you need to have a sensible conversation about what you can offer.

Oh dear I guess you are going to have to cover the special holiday but when that is over you need to talk things over and make new arrangements. I would certainly arrange a long holiday away. The eldest must be at school and the younger one could go to nursery so they need to arrange some after school care or think about their work, family balance. With hindsight you shouldn’t have picked up the slack when the other GPs backed off easier said than done I know

This isn’t about you and the other GPs, they have worked out what suits them.

Now it’s time for you to sit down with your ACs and tell them that after their ‘special’ holiday you no longer want to look after the Grandchildren.

Big pants on Katienan1

Give plenty of notice, then cut back and do only what you can manage, and want to do.

There is no reason whatsoever for grandparents to be doing all this childcare.

If you carry on childminding your GCs you will become more and more resentful.
You need to be clear about what you are willing to do and what you can't.
You are being taken for granted and this should be discussed with the parents. They seem to rely heavily on you for childcare. You have your own lives to live and they should take more responsibility for their own children.
If you've had enough tell them and enjoy your later years as you wish.
Good luck. I hope it turns out well for you.

I think you need to have a calm but honest discussion after this special holiday your AC are taking. Out of interest, did they ask if you were happy having your GC while they went on holiday or did they go ahead and book it anyway? Sounds like they are taking you for granted. I have always been a hands-on Granny and must have saved my AC thousands over the years in free childcare. You don't mention your age but at 76 I am slowing down a bit and my family are made aware of that. You need to decide what you are prepared to do going forward and telling your AC what that is and sticking to it. Ignore the other GP's who buy the children's affections with constant presents. It seems an increasing number of the current generation of young parents expect their parents to be childminders. I see it all the time when I am out and about. Elderly people wrestling with energetic youngsters while the freedom of retirement passes them by.

I am afraid that you got yourselves into this mess by being so accommodating and willing to do antthing your AC and partner wanted. The only consolation is that you are one of thousands, possibly 100s of thousands of grandparents who make this mistake. About one thread a week is started on GN on this very subject.

Now you need to extract yourself. I think the best way is to invit your AC and partner round for a nice meal and then explain to them that you are getting older, losing stamina and children are also getting older and more demanding and you can no longer provide the childcare, you did. Tell them what you cam manage and make sure you cut well back, no giving way ans till doing too much and then give them 6 0r 8 weeks to organise alternative care. Then grit your teeth and sit out all the upset that usually follows.

Yes. I agree. You are the only ones who can stop this.
Give them a "we can do this until".. date and stick to it.

The other grandparents managed to say "no"... you can too.

You mention sticking to parents' rules about treats etc. Maybe you should just decide your own rules! If parents don't like it they can make other arrangements.

No reason why you should go on holidays with them- you obviously have lots of contact with GC and need some child-free breaks.

I really don't want to do this but they have booked a special holiday and would be devastated if they had to cancel So you are not just caring for the children during the parents' working hours, but also so they can swan off on holiday!? It beggars belief.

I do not think that what the other GPs are doing in the way of child care is at all relevant. The central problem is that this young couple have had children and then expect their parents to be the parents.

The solution is blindingly simple .....JUST SAY NO! Spell it out to them - we have been parents and now you must be. We are not prepared to do this any more.

So don’t do it anymore.

I am actually shocked that so many adult children expect their parents to bring up their kids. When my kids were small and I returned to work I didn’t expect them to be mychildminders. Theyhad recently retired and were enjoying spending time together and I thought it was unfair to put that on them. I found a registered child minder and paid a lot of money to her. The kids loved going to her and playing with her own kids.

M0nica

I am afraid that you got yourselves into this mess by being so accommodating and willing to do antthing your AC and partner wanted. The only consolation is that you are one of thousands, possibly 100s of thousands of grandparents who make this mistake. About one thread a week is started on GN on this very subject.

Now you need to extract yourself. I think the best way is to invit your AC and partner round for a nice meal and then explain to them that you are getting older, losing stamina and children are also getting older and more demanding and you can no longer provide the childcare, you did. Tell them what you cam manage and make sure you cut well back, no giving way ans till doing too much and then give them 6 0r 8 weeks to organise alternative care. Then grit your teeth and sit out all the upset that usually follows.

I agree with all this except the meal bit!

You do one day a week childcare which seem reasonable, but if that day comprises 11 hours without a break, it is not, as I presume is the case during the holidays. Plus sleepovers, extended weekends, family holidays where you still do childcare and now a 'special holiday of six days which you are clearly dreading.
Why are you doing all this, and more importantly, why are the parents not looking after their increasingly difficult children during their leisure time? What sort of parents have special holidays excluding their young children?
Answer: bad ones.
You need to decide exactly what care you are prepared to do and stick to it. If it were me I would be prepared to help during work hours but not weekends or evenings, and I would express concern about the children's behaviour; they are clearly very unsettled. Three and six year olds not seeing their parents for six days while they go on holiday; what are they thinking of? Only themselves.