Family aren’t living locally

My daughter lives 2 minutes away, she can see my flat from her garden. My son however, moved to the next city, which granted isn't far but he and his wife both work full time. I looked after their son twice a week from him being 6 months old to when he started school last September, now I barely see him although I often invite him for a sleepover. But even that's not as often as I'd like due to weekend commitments they have.

I live in hope that one day they'll decide living near me is a good thing.

I have no children nor grandchildren, but I have plenty of friends who do. Believe me, it's the quality of your relationships and the respect they show you that matters, not the distance!
Maybe use Zoom etc to speak to them ad hoc face to face to help you stay in better day-to-day, ordinary contact with them so it is not 'an occasion'?

Hello I'm in a similar boat and would love a child or grandchild to pop round etc. but it will never be. All three of our children are abroad and will not come back: one in France with French husband and two little ones, one has a settled happy life in Malaysia and third is in Switzerland with three children. All have good jobs and are happy. Two come back every year the third one thinks London is unsafe. We spend a lot of money and fuel going over 2/3 times a year and once if we're lucky to SE Asia. Like you I'm not grumbling but a little wistful. And don't let anyone say 'oh how lovely, the holidays you can have'!!

I'm 73 ans my one close daughter wants to move quite a long way from me in the next 3-5 years. At further daughter did say she would stay local which is about a 5 minute drive from me but now she is saying she might move further away, maybe to tbe same place as her Mum. I have two other daughters about an 45 mins to an hour away but if I was not able to drive, I doubt I would see them very often. High days and holidays or if I requested my hedge cut. Its worrying as I would really like to stay where I am. I have the choice of moving to where the next eldest is or waiting and moving with my middle daughter in 3 or 5 years which would mean moving at 78 years old. Not a very pleasing situation. I dont know if I want to move at all but I won't stop her. She would get a better life there where she already has friends and some who are almost family.

I do feel for you, we are in a similar position. My three older DGCs live in Poland. But frequent videocalls help a lot, especially when they are sitting round the table having their tea as they stay in one place then
Staying with them for the odd weekend isn't difficult but it does take organising. I look forward to the day when they are old enough to come and stay with us for a week or so on their own. Bunk beds are the answer!

The pattern was clear with my 3 DDs. Two of them already had boyfriends locally when they went to uni so would come back a lot to see them and eventually married them, had families and stayed round here.

One did not have a local boyfriend and met her future husband at uni, so stayed in that area.

I understand your sadness at not being close to family but I think it is swings and roundabouts really. The relationships that I have with nearby family are different but equally satisfying as that with those further away. Whatsapp has been a real blessing and I am on and off there with my away DD and her children a lot. And when we do see each other it is for a few days and is very special.

I am of course more directly involved with the local families, but not in their pockets, nor popping in without warning so when they are busy I sometimes hear more from the away DD than from the locals. .

It is worth remembering that there are some grans on here who feel that too much is expected of them as regards GC care for local GC!!

I do hope that you can be at peace with your circumstances and enjoy the time you have with them all.

My daughter and family live in Australia. My son and his family are in London, 150 miles away. I am widowed in my mid seventies and still drive to visit them. I think you should count your blessings and not get too needy. It's your choice not to move nearer by what you say.

Well done Stillness for taking a more positive attitude to your situation.
My AC are also far away, though still in the UK. We speak often, a great comfort to me.

Me again - today I am boarding a plane which will be 8 hours flying time, plus 2 hours in a Taxi when I get there, plus an hour to get me to the airport here. This is the journey I have to take to see my grandchildren. (Let's not forget the £2000 airfare for both of us). I WISH mine were only 100 miles away. I don't know where you live Stillness but even in the UK this cannot be more than 2 hours away. Can you not meet halfway sometimes? That would be a day trip which I would be more than happy to do to see my grandchildren. I do feel sympathy for you but for many of us our relationship with our grandchildren is on a screen.

Automated gates are great till there is a power cut , it’s lashing rain and you are searching for how to open it manually!

The rest of my family lived near each other when my kids were children. I don't think they used to do coffee or meals together.
For years, even if we were living 200 miles away, I used to take mine to see their grandmother every 2 months, which took a whole day.
Do we all fall into the trap if imagining how lovely things would be 'if only'?

Reported

Reported

I live in Scotland and my two children and grandchildren live in Essex and Devon.
Not easy to just pop in, however when I visit often it is 24/7.
I wouldn’t have it any other way as I brought up my children to be independent.
I moved 30 miles away from family when I married.

DDs (and Gdcs) are all 60 miles away, which isn’t too bad - a 1.5 hour drive - as long as the M25 isn’t a nightmare.
TBH in my family it’s usually to be scattered - my parents weren’t near their own parents either, and for a good many years dh and I were a 7/8 hour flight from our parents!

I have no experience of ever having family near by, neither do most of my friends. Normality, for me is travelling at least 100 miles plus to visit.

My background is Irish immigrant and army, so in my childhood I had only 2 known relatives on one side of the family and on the otherside a large family scattered all over the world, most in the army (including my father), but even the non-army members had jobs that sent them overseas. On several occasions we did not see our grandparents for years on end because we were in south east Asia

It was a real novelty when we married and had children and only lived 60 miles from each of our respective parents, which was the case until my MiL was widowed and moved to live near us for the last year of her life.

Work has taken our son and grandchildren 200 miles cross country from us. of course I would have liked them nearer, but they spend a week with us every school holiday, we are off to Suffolk on holiday this August, we are on the phone, email, Facebook.

On GN we read so many cases of estrangement and of people whose relations with their AC are precarious. I am just so constantly grateful that we have such a close relaxed loving relationship with our children and grandchildren.

We are downsizing at the moment - to be nearer our children DD has found her forever house in the same town and will be living just over a mile from us, we have nearly halved DS's driving time to us. He is giving up a weekend to drive a van to help us move some of our belongings to temporary accommodation.

Knowing that we are aloving caring family, who will always rally round when needed and care for us as we care for them, is all that really matters. Some people have grandchildren living 100 yards away - and never see them - or their parents.

She did say in her 3rd post in Aug that she was needing to count her blessings.

She is maybe in a different headspace to when she started this thread.

I think we should all let our children fly to where they feel they want to go. Surely being a parent is to bring them up to be confident enough to try new areas of life both living and working
Parents should not be tormented if they move away we should be proud we gave them the spirit to try things that aren’t familiar and be interested in their new life and be excited for them
Stillness I think you have allowed this neediness to become all consuming you are 100 miles away that is a couple of hours, it is literally around the corner
You say you ve got a good full life you are one lucky lady do not wallow and miss your own life

I am truly sorry if you think I m being over hard but think of all the grans on here and in the world who never see their children/grandchildren through break downs or through distance of countries You are one lucky granny
Count your blessings which you sound as if you have lots and live YOUR life not theirs

I realise this is an old thread.

Adding on further to what I wrote upthread.
Would my kids be happier living where I do? No. Probably not.
Plus they would not have met their husbands and wives[some are, lets say, from around the world].

*Once they have flown you have done your job*

Good words from you Gin

The best gift to give to any AC is to allow them freedom without guilt

I will be the weird one here and state my beliefs. I had my first child at 18 years old and four to follow. It is my undoubted personal belief that as a parent it was my duty to raise them as babies and children as a duty because they were too immature to take care of themselves. Now they are adults, I have done my duty in protecting them until they could reach adulthood.

Maybe I am too much like a robin or a swallow and not like an elephant or whale but my children, now grown, are their own beings.

It's completely understandable to miss having your family close. Distance can be tough, especially when you crave those spontaneous moments. Perhaps scheduling regular video calls could help bridge the gap? Think of it like a casual game of Uno Online, quick and easy to connect. Focus on cherishing the visits you do have, and find joy in your full life. Maybe explore new hobbies to fill the time between visits. You are not alone in feeling this way.
unoonlinefree.com

I thunk I understand stillness. Our sons aren’t close enough for ad hoc visits, always pre arranged and for a purpose. We communicate regularly with phone and messages and yes, if we need them they are here. I thought I’d come to terms with it as a pattern with no opportunity for more casual, spontaneous visits until this week when we’ve seen them all without planning and have realised how much happier I feel. We can’t change where they or indeed we live so no point getting grumpy about it although I own to some current sadness.

My daughter lives five minutes drive away. I can’t remember the last time I saw her. Might have been Christmas? She had to pick something up from my house recently and I was looking forward to see her, but she sent her son .

Two of my children live very close to me but they don’t ever ‘pop in’. Their lives are frenetic with full time jobs, teenage children and their own interests. We are all in frequent touch on Messenger and, if I ask for help, they will come to me but the only times we get together are Christmas and when the others are visiting.
I’m sure it never occurs to them that I miss them all so much.