Mean or frugal?

Do you think the £17.85 was the money he owed you for the meal you paid for, but you said he had forgotten that meal I think. Did he give you the 17.85. Did he give you the exact money? Or need change ?

It’s all very nit picky . You say you have known him a long time, has he always been like this?
Have you spoken to him. It’s a shame if you get on and have similar interests but if he is as careful of his pennies as this you might need to consider where you go from here.

I'm trying to see how he is mean if he actually paid you money.

It's a bit odd that on this trip he submitted a statement and tried to ensure no one was diddled. What do you think made him do it this time?

Frugal.

To satisfy my curiosity. Has he checked out your financial status? Does he want to know if you are in debt to anyone or if your house is paid for. Those would be even more red flags in my opinion.

AreWeThereYet

Instead of judging him based on the reasoning of a number of unknown people why don't you ask him why he did it?

Maybe he feels you are out of pocket and is uncomfortable with it. Maybe he misinterpreted something you said at some point. You could always just tell him you were perfectly okay with the previous arrangement. Maybe he wasn't for some reason.

His answer could tell you exactly what you need to know.

I am with this too, I think it is strange you do not feel comfortable enough with him to just laugh it off and say what is all this about. I would suggest you in future PAYG, which I always did with my partner of 10 years. we did not live together and had totally different income, so I never wanted to feel I took advantage of him being more comfortable than I am. My partner was also tight, in fact I almost finished with hime during the first couple of years, because he expected to eat here daily with very little or no contribution, but we sorted all that over time, as we got more and more fond of each other.
It is much more about whether you enjoy being with him, find him fun, interesting and generally good company, It is essential you are able to discuss anything and everything with him and feel comfortable about it all in my view.

I find it difficult to understand how so many grans can just say ditch him, the man has done nothing wrong. He has realised he owes OP money and paid it, what is wrong with that. It does not sound like you took it in turn to pay on this last trip as you usually have, how could he otherwise have missed one meal you paid for. he would have known there was one missing and that he would have paid 2 in a row, if you can follow my thought. It all sounds incredible petty to me. I would just have laughed and said 'you did not need to do that but thank you' and thought nothing more of it. He is certainly not mean, does not strike me frugal either, just does not want to owe you anything which I would hate to do too. I cannot imagine why you are not talking with him about it all, you say you have known him for a long time, that to me is more strange than any of the money business. I can't see it maters at all if you are paying for yourself as you go along, you can spend what you like it is your money and I am sure he is not going to stop you, why should he, It is not his money.
It is not going to affect your friendship unless you are thinking marriage and even then you can have separate accounts, particularly if you have families in your own right from previous marriages. I actually think you are making a lot out of nothing in this case.

I am in a similar situation with a male friend, however, I look at it in a different way. He is very much a gentleman and it doesn't sit very comfortably with him to let me pay, nor does it sit comfortably with me to let him pay for everything. When we spend time together we vaguely take it in turns to pay for meals, coffees etc. However when we go away together I let him pay for everything on condition he lets me pay half once we return. He took a bit of persuading but I wasn't prepared to accept his natural generosity. This now works well for us, and neither of our families have cause to think that either one of us is 'using' the other.

Better yet - download the Splitwise app and enter everything as you go. Doesn’t matter who pays for what, the app settles it all out for you in the end. Saves you keeping track, saving receipts (although you can also enter those into the app) and, best of all, any figuring or maths at the end of the trip.

Run!😂

Pay for your own as you go. Ask for seperate bills in a restaurant and if you go to a show, pay for your own ticket. If you get a train/coach, pay for your own ticket. If getting a taxi pay half of the fare.

Simple, he pays for his and you pay for yours then you know exactly what you have spent.

you seem to have handed over control somewhat in this scenario.
you mention that you are uncomfortable about this change and you do not know whether more days out are planned, and this will become the norm.
it sounds as if he makes all the decisions, and you just tag along.
i think you can do a lot better, without this encumbrance.

Run for the hills
There’s no changing mean

Sounds like a tight wad to me. Walk away.

Just a thought - do you think he is beginning to be very careful about his finances as money is becoming a bit tight? It’s very easy to be generous and not worried about the cost of things when you are feeling financially flush, but much, much harder when your income is squeezed for whatever reason.

I do this with some friends, my daughter and even my OH for longer trips, rather than just days out etc. PAYG works for some things but not always for small things eg coffees, or for booking tickets, accommodation etc advance, or for petrol if there is lots of driving. It seems like it was the unexpected nature of this that threw you, rather than the principle. Can’t you ask a straightforward question about whether he always does this on trips with friends?

Theres nothing mean about people of equal means paying equal amounts.
He sounds a bit over the top with it, but it protects you both.

Usually it is the other way round. The man pays everything in advance with his credit card and at the end of the holiday or weekend away, then informs the female friend how much is her share.

Probably has a phone app that makes it easy to record expenses. If it's agreed to share why think he is mean or frugal.

I would hate anyone looking at my choices of food and drink and shopping, and jotting down how much they cost. I would think it is an invasion of my privacy. This is being nosey, not frugal. So if you want to go out with him, tell him it will be separate bills for dining, and that way you avoid the tension. Question - does he write down the expenses in front of you, or does he do it when you are not looking [good memory...]?

Probably best to each pay your own way at the time. That would save any monitoring what the other has/hasnt spent. Just do things like a request for "separate bills please" to a restaurant for instance. Then he pays his and does whatever he does re a tip. You do yours and do whatever you do re a tip. Then he's satisfied with himself he's done things his way and you're satisfied with yourself you've done things your way. Unless it's a "boyfriend" situation I've always paid my own bill each time for a meal out and that way it avoids someone else having something expensive at my cost on the one hand and I can have something expensive myself if I choose to without it being at someone else's expense. I don't believe in kitty purses personally - as I've read LOADS of arguments of people having gone away after a meal knowing they've had, for instance, one course and a cheap drink and the others there had eaten and drunk their fill and they'd landed up being made to subsidise those who'd "had their fill". Separate bills all round every time and it's all sorted at the time and the boozers are boozing at their own expense and those like myself who are likely to pick the most expensive food on the menu can have our expensive choice without someone else paying for any of it.

I think his attitude might be rubbing on a sore spot to do with your ex-husband being mean (and I do know where you're coming from on that one - as part of the reason I chucked a couple of boyfriends back along is they were mean). As friends each paying their own is fine and I guess you're wondering how finances would go if he became "more than a friend" - well I think you can see that and chances are it will still be "each paying their own way" and don't hope he'll start treating you like a boyfriend/husband would tend to do in our agegroup. It seems to be more of a thing with younger people of men and women paying their own way on dates - and that's how it probably would be with him - even though we're in an agegroup where men tend to treat women.

If I read this correctly he worked it out that he owed you money. Although he had forgotten
the meal you paid for. He was concerned he owed you. That doesn’t sound mean to me. If he had asked you for money then that would be different and you could have reminded him of the other meal.

The way I read it was that he had worked out he owed you money, in that case he's hardly mean!

I think I know my friends of long standing and I’m surprised, if you’ve e known him for some time you’re perturbed?
I have one friend who’s accurate to the pence on split payments between us and others, like me, who are more relaxed.
So I’m more surprised by your reaction than his action, unless this is something new? In which case, I’d ask him about it.

I think Seajaye it's the formality of the statement of account that's got to you!

He's a friend, not an accountant that you are dealing with.

It's possibly just his way - he's methodically-minded?

... at least it was a hand-written statement, and not a Microsoft Invoice Template

Open the door wide, get you BIG boots on and Get Rid. As others have said a Red flag to his future thoughts.

Juts for curiosity if it had been the other way round , would you have approached him