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AIBU

AIBU or do I need to move with the times?

(112 Posts)
Sarnia Fri 27-Sept-24 09:17:08

Now that a new school year has begun my youngest GD is pestering to walk to and from school on her own. She is 9 and in Year 5. The Primary school where she is a pupil allows Year 6 students to do this in preparation for transition to secondary school and having more independence. They have now said that Year 5 pupils can do the same. She is very keen to do this. However, I have misgivings. She goes to after school clubs 3 days a week so she doesn't leave school until 4.15pm. In a few weeks the clocks will change and it will be getting dark for her walk home. Her parents don't want her to have a phone yet so how will she get help in a hurry should she have an accident, feel ill or scared if a stranger has approached her? It doesn't bear thinking about. As we GN's know, any comments from us to our children about their parenting usually goes down like a lead balloon. However, as my daughter asked me what I thought, I told her. She was none too pleased and said I was being silly worrying about the worst case scenario but I cannot help it. Why can't children be children?

Babs03 Sun 29-Sept-24 20:00:03

MissAdventure

The people most at risk are teen/young males.

Agree totally.
Especially when they are going to school in cities/large urban areas. Can't help thinking that knife crime affecting young males was never such a big deal when there was a bobby on the beat. If there were more police officers patrolling areas outside schools and parks etc., after school finishes am sure we would all rest a bit easier.

Davisuz Sun 29-Sept-24 19:23:53

I walked to and from school from the age of 7. There was a lollypop lady at the one busy crossing, but no one in my junior school was 'taken' to school. I think year 5 is old enough to do this - if the roads are not busy.

Lahlah65 Sun 29-Sept-24 19:02:50

MissAdventure

The people most at risk are teen/young males.

My thoughts too.

4allweknow Sun 29-Sept-24 17:30:20

A lot will depend on the roads, are they very busy and will GD have to cross major junctions. Is the area well populated, will she be walking some of the way with friends? Her school bag, coat, could be tagged helping to trace her if needed. If her parents feel she is capable then I'd go along with it. Didn't appreciate schools can dictate when a child is allowed to walk to/from school unescorted.

Bugbabe2019 Sun 29-Sept-24 17:19:46

If she’s walking alone she needs a phone

MissAdventure Sun 29-Sept-24 16:13:38

The people most at risk are teen/young males.

ordinarygirl Sun 29-Sept-24 15:52:54

are there footpaths and lighting ? - not country lanes? then why not allow her to walk home ?
i only have fears when children are expected to walk home on unlit roads as some schools expect kids to do daily . When we lived in Cornwall, the county had no funds to bus kids in daily even though the only way was in via a country lane which had fast traffic.

Gran32 Sun 29-Sept-24 15:51:49

Whiff no we should say how we feel. No wonder today's kids have an over blown sense of their own importance. Many parents are scared to say anything to their AC! We are perfectly entitled to say if we see something they don't and give advice when we are concerned about our GC welfare

Gran32 Sun 29-Sept-24 15:45:29

Sarnia I agree with you. And you are entitled as the child grandparent to voice your concerns. Why are we always treading on eggshells where our opinions are concerned? My mom gave me hers often without any offense taken. It would seem kids today are too sensitive for their own good, so quick to take umbridge! Drives me mad

Frogs Sun 29-Sept-24 14:59:12

I have no memories of ever being escorted to school by my parents but can remember walking with my elder brother. By the time I was 10 was letting myself in the house after school, and lighting the coal fire as both parents were at work. ( I can still remember setting fire to my hair one 🫣). Sometimes I look back in horror at some of the things we got up to in the olden days.
Sadly as people have said times are different - more heavy traffic, impatient/aggressive drivers, and generally a lot more crime towards people especially in larger cities.
Having said that I think my GD aged 10 could easily handle the walk to and from school of just over half a mile but she’s still picked up along with her younger brother……. but then I was guilty of doing the same for both my kids til they went to senior school. It doesn’t seem to have impeded their long term development in any way.

Randa Sun 29-Sept-24 14:56:24

I have read the answers to your question and I'm surprised that children ever get to walk to and from school. As I child I walked over a mile to school a across a very busy main road and I was 5 and did so all my school life at 11 I walked to the bus then walked one side of town to other caught another bus the when I got off had over a mile to walk home by fields and never really saw anyone and by then was doing after school clubs and got home around 7 pm
My feelings with mobile is that they get attached to their ears and pay no attention to what is going on around them I actually had my GD walk in front of me on Main Rd crossing never even saw me So no I don't see mobiles as giving them safety they don't pay attention to what is around them or who My friends and other dil describe the same with their child I know that's not all but u only got to look at adults they do it and kids copy

Lesley60 Sun 29-Sept-24 14:37:25

I think we panic even more with our grandchildren but I agree with you I wouldn’t want my grandchildren to walk home in the dark at any age time enough when she’s in high school when you have to leave them go

knspol Sun 29-Sept-24 14:33:40

Very difficult to say when we don't know the location, route or length of journey. Personally I would not like a child of that age to be walking home in the dark but think it's OK during daylight and of course it does depend to some extent on the child, are they confident of crossing roads, aware of stranger danger etc.
When my GD first started walking to school on her own in inner city London, her dad used to follow at a lengthy distance for a couple of weeks to make sure she was OK but this was done during the summer months when we had light nights and mornings.

biglouis Sun 29-Sept-24 14:23:26

Children managed to get to and from school wichout phones when we were kids. However the world is very different now.

If her parents dont want her to have a smart phone they could buy her a small basic feature phone from the Supermarket for use in an emergency. So no danger of her scrolling through screens or accessing dubious material on the internet. That would be my solution.

Children need to learn independence and self reliance. At her age I used to get the tram to my grandmothers (if I had the money) or walk for 20 minutes across Liverpool.

Priviliged Sun 29-Sept-24 14:17:44

As had been said Y5 children differ and routes to school do too. I agree that it’s not the school’s place to say this and it’s not to do with safeguarding. If a Y5’s parent doesn’t turn up to meet them then they can’t just allow the child to walk home alone. The parent might have been held up somewhere which could mean there was no one at home. I would challenge the school about this and query them about example situations such as above.

Stillness Sun 29-Sept-24 14:08:55

I understand your anxiety. If your daughter didn’t want to know your opinion why did she ask you!?
If she can be collected, I think she should be, with a gradual change so she walks a little ahead, say, so she gets used to it, over the next year. Much must depend on the route, traffic and how mature your gd looks and behaves. Ultimately of course it’s down to the parents so I’d try not to worry.

Lahlah65 Sun 29-Sept-24 13:40:12

Gransthebest

I walked to school on my own as a child but that was 60yr ago and all kids walked then,so safety in numbers.
Traffic was barely negligible so not too much risk of getting dragged into one unlike today.
I bought my out old grandaughter a mobile phone and commited to being on video call with her and from school for nearly 2 yrs.Her route went down a main road with no shops,up through a isolated housing estate and crossing a very busy road.I taught her how to be alert to everything and anyone around also road safety.Sheveas adamant she wanted to do it and was really scared but wanted to be more street wise.No friends from school walked.It was very stressful for us both but when she went to secondary school,if she had to walk home(45mins)she was much more confident to do so.It was well worth it for her.

The rates at which children are abducted and killed by strangers is remarkably consistent and has absolutely not increased over the years. This is a false fear. Most children are still (sadly) killed by family members. Even worse, the emphasis on stranger danger fails to equip children to protect themselves from abuse by people they now. This is also not worse than it has been as historic abuse cases show.

Lahlah65 Sun 29-Sept-24 13:31:18

35 years ago my 9y/o was pushing for this and in the end, I said yes. About a mile, half of it on a rural road with no footpath, but they walked it every day and had learned to be sensible. The first day she did it, walking under some trees, a large bird fell down onto her head and landed stunned on the ground at her feet. This was not a scenario we had discussed! Luckily, a passing (adult) stranger took charge, and after checking that she was fine and reassuring her that the bird (a hawk I think) would be also fine they sent her on her way. She arrived home quite shaken but we do laugh about it now.

Romola Sun 29-Sept-24 13:14:49

My GSs and parents spent a year in Berlin aged 10 and 13. It was completely taken for granted that they would take themselves to school on the U-Bahn (underground).

cc Sun 29-Sept-24 13:12:12

My granddaughter is 9 and there is no way that either her mother or myself would let her travel to or from school on her own. She's not particularly mature but no less mature than most other girls that she knows.
Fortunately we're in a pretty safe area and most of the local schools are close to the main road and bus stops, but she's honestly not up to crossing roads on her own, except at pelican crossings.
My daughter (youngest of four children) was more mature at her age, and I used to let her walk the last couple of hundred yards on her own at this age. In her case I had always done most of the journey by car with the last part on foot. This was very safe, with no roads to cross at all, and many people walking in the area.
I'm sure that in two years time my granddaughter will be much more mature and ready for the solo journey to secondary school, which is likely to use exactly the same bus stops as her primary.

Hithere Sun 29-Sept-24 13:04:14

Compromise does not apply here lol

Gundy Sun 29-Sept-24 13:01:33

I’m astonished at how independent and “grown up” my great nieces are at ages 10 and 13. But they were raised in a more progressive home than I was 70 some years ago. Times have changed.

I agree that if she strikes out on her own she’d need a device of some kind in case of emergency. But you sure hate to give them a smart phone at that age.

I’ve heard of *burner phones” where capabilities are limited to just calling/texting? I’m not even sure. They’re kind of a temporary, throw away device at some point. Check into it.

mabon1 Sun 29-Sept-24 13:00:57

It is her parent's decision. Probably the school SUGGESTS they can walk to school.

rocketship Sun 29-Sept-24 12:58:35

pascal30

I would start off with her walking to school in the morning, but I would follow her at a discrete distance for the first few times. I would not allow her to walk home alone on the 3 evenings after activities..

She would learn an important lesson..compromise

I like this compromise. smile

Fae1 Sun 29-Sept-24 12:43:29

I think we worry more in general as grandparents. I allowed my son to do things at Primary school age when I was in my 30s but would be horrified if he allowed his children to do them - eg heading off on his bike, swimming in the sea, jumping into the sea from a boat and yes ..walking or cycling home from school at age 9 or 10. Different times now or maybe I'm just older .