Friends without GC

As someone who remained child free through choice I have no problem admiring photos of and taking an interest in other peoples grandchildren, however, what I have found is when joining groups it appears to be the sole topic of conversation.

I have left clubs because I invariably end up sitting in silence unable to join the conversation. As CanadianGran says, there are other things to talk about.

Simple, do not send photographs.

I have always been very careful with spreading my happiness in my children and grandchildren where childless friends were concerned, especially when I know children of their own would have been. Being overjoyed for a particular friend who had found it difficult to conceive when finally having a child. Other friends who are not married I only share news when an inquiry is made.

Oh dear. I'm not permitted to post pictures of my grandchild on social media but I do show them to colleagues at work. This has made me consider that perhaps I need to be more sensitive to those without them.

It is not just with grand children as someone said above, it goes with everything you treasure that others do not have. I have no or little family yet my best friend has a huge family and they are always together, she is always chatting about what they do and are going to do, yet she spends every spare time with me at my house. Very rarely do I get asked to come to hers. She is far better off than I am, her house is twice the size of mine so I wonder why she prefers to be at mine. Still I treasure her friendship and it has taught me to be cautious with other people.

Davisuz

Oh dear. I'm not permitted to post pictures of my grandchild on social media but I do show them to colleagues at work. This has made me consider that perhaps I need to be more sensitive to those without them.

As someone else above said other people's grandchildren are boring

Its quite insensitive to be honest and your friend is being polite and kind to you by showing an interest.

Too be honest, no ones family is of that much interest to a friend - it just seems to be a societal norm that we always ask about them out of politeness or for something to talk about.

I was never able to have children and as mentioned in a previous comment there is no timescale on the grief you feel for the loss of children in your life.
You feel the pain when your peers are having children that you cannot have and again when they have grandchildren which you will never have.
I have step-children and step grand-children and while I love them dearly, I know they don't love me in the same way as they do their Dad/Grand-dad which is also tough.

People arent sensitive to other people's situation. I never speak about my three children to childless friends. I hear endless reports from my SIL of her eight grandchildren. I have none! Hence the minimum contact because she is so predictable.

I think it is like anything. If someone shows you the odd photo of their little ones, that's fine. It is when they talk about them ad nauseum about how marvellous they are and have no other subject, that it becomes boring. Not everyone wants or even likes children. Grandchildren should not be a defining factor in our older years. Good luck to you if you have them and love them, but others have their academic lives, pets, hobbies that fulfil them personally. Each to their own.

I have 6 grandchildren but would never mention them unless specifically asked about them. I wouldn’t post pictures of them either - without consent. I adore all of them but unless there is some amusing incident to describe which might resonate with the person I was chatting to, I just don’t talk about them.

If your friend finds it painful, don't send her the pictures.

Friends without grandchildren are often a rather sensitive .
They might not have been able to have children .
Or their children don't want children .
I avoid showing them photos and talking about grandkids unless asked .

I don't really speak about my grandchildren to friends unless they ask. I'm not really that interested in other people's families and tend to assume that they are the same.
One good friend has a son with two children but they live abroad and he and the children's mother are estranged. It's very unlikely that she will see her grandchildren again and she has only met them once. She always asks about my family and I try not to say too much for fear of upsetting her.

And I would never post photos of my GC on social media, it isn't my place to do that. My daughter in particular is very careful about photos, her children are adopted after a fiercely fought adoption and she would never put pictures of them anywhere public.

I agree with Caleo, it's always best to think about what we share with another person if they don't have the same thing. Obviously if they ask, that's different. We have very wealthy friends who often share things they have or do which we couldn't. It doesn't bother me, and I'm happy for them, but I often feel they should think before doing so in case it does upset someone

I don’t show photos of my GC to friends who don’t have GC - unless they ask (which they very rarely do!). I don’t know whether they’re particularly interested in my GC anyway, but I err on the side of sensitivity, just in case. My friends without children never particularly wanted children anyway, as far as I know, so I tend to not talk about my DD or my GC. We find plenty of other stuff to talk about.

I think it can be kind of hellish for anyone without children either by design or because they couldn't have them, to have to listen to friends drone on about their offspring and their offsprings' offspring. It kind of dawned on me years ago as a new mother there will always be someone within the many gatherings around child social events who think they've given birth to the Messiah. The "professional grandparent" is kind of a bit of an extension of that, except this time they're doing it vicariously, I mean it's a chance happening, that may or may not be part of one's life. It can be well boring to others' ears when anything becomes all consuming and it's not necessarily something you share. When I meet with friends who have children but not grandchildren, I like to think our conversations don't follow the one dimensional trajectory of "lets talk children/grandchildren" we touch on them, we scroll through a few photos maybe, but not necessarily depending on circumstances and then go off on to varied subjects, travel, books, food, films, news, politics, health, etc. etc. and spend far more time talking about those than the role of parent/grandparent.

I think you should be able to talk about your grandchildren, they are something that is important to you. However there is far more to you than your grandchildren too and maybe it is better to focus on shared interests with individual friends

I don't have grandchildren yet - l may never have them. It's one of those things. Many of my friends are grandparents, but will only show photos when asked. This is the best way, l think. I am very happy for my friends, of course, but also pleased that they have plenty of other topics of conversation. I am very much with Winston Churchill, who, after being told by an acquaintance that he hadn't told Winston about his grandchildren, reportedly replied that he was very grateful for it.

Other people’s photos of family or holidays are usually only of interest to themselves and are generally meaningless and boring to others.

I think it is inconsiderate to send photos of children and grandchildren to friends who wanted children, but were not able to have them. It is not a pain that goes away in the course of time, although it may lessen. Nor does the sorrow and pain of having lost a baby ever entirely leave the parents.

Obviously, we cannot always know if friends who are childless are so because they did not want children, were unable to have any, or even adopt. But when we do know, it is better not to talk too much of children and grandchildren in front of them.

None of us would rave about the wonderful holiday or wedding anniversary we had just had with our spouse to a widow or widower, would we? Even if the person had been widowed years ago.

Not really. My close friends/social circle is (approx) twelve and nine of the group do not have children - even though all 12 have been married, although some are widowed, divorced or still hitched.

Personally I do not have biological children of my own. My long term marriage came with three step children and ended with seven step grandchildren. Whew! (I was told by my fiancé at the time that he had already had a vasectomy, so I knew I would not be having children of my own. 👍🏼)

People gravitate towards each other with similar life styles - that’s why I have so many childless friends. None of us are feeling deprived of life’s bounty. Each one of us has created rich personal lives that are rewarding, involved and meaningful.

And it is sad that some parents (single ones too) have children where the relationships are broken for whatever reasons, therefore don’t have any relationship at all with their offspring. I can’t imagine anything more heartbreaking than that.

Please don't refrain from talking about things that you are passionate about, yes, of course it must not be the only subject, but it is your world. As long as you are willing to offer the same courtesy back and hear stories that may make you envious too, which is often the thing that is missing. (holidays in places you may never visit, days out while you are babysitting).

I have lost my only child, and will never have grandchildren, nor do I have a partner to share my life with, but my friends with grandchildren listen to me talk about being able to redecorate, or go to the theatre and other passions with equal interest.

For me it is treating each friendship as precious and knowing what to share and not share with each person, there is no one size fits all!

( I have a pin board full of pictures drawn for me by "not my children or grandchildren" but children who are important to the people who matter to me!)

Why would anyone else want photos of my GC I wouldnt dream of inflicting pics on anyone. My neighbour opposite drives everyone insane with her mobile phone photos of her GC plus neverending boasting what they are doing etc. My advice is please hold back.

As one of 3 siblings, I have 5 children and 9 grandchildren - who are, obviously, the cleverest, most attractive and well behaved children ever known!

One of my brothers has only 1 daughter (by choice) and 2 grandchildren.

My other brother, sadly, was unable to have any children.

I am of the opinion, as I said above, that my children and grandchildren as not as interesting to other people as to myself and DH. I especially don't expect my childless brother to be too interested but today, on our siblings chat, our other brother posted 13 photos of his grandchildren enjoying a holiday.

I cringe when that happens.