Six month Visit by Step daughter and granddaughter

Smileless2012

Why should the OP be the one to go out Norah?

She doesn't have to go out. Neither does she have to stay in and watch the baby. Where is Papa in this picture - he could step up.

I don't put up with bad behaviour - I'd leave her to sort herself.

MissAdventure

I don't blame you.
Built in baby sitting duties too, for 6 months.

Could your step daughter not find a nursery for her daughter,?

How does it stand with regard to education, for a four year old?

Yes, depending when she was four, she should be in education.
If her birthday was before the start of the school year she could be offered a place in your catchment area.

If not and the local school has a nursery attached, it might be worth asking if there is still a place available although they are few and far between.

Daddima

I presume there will be a winter next year, so what will happen then? I would have to say it will be lovely to see them, but you really can’t look after her for six months, but will certainly try to help with a nursery place. Or you could do some assuming and ask which nursery she has arranged, and. wait for, ‘ I thought you would…….’

Yes - will this be an annual thing?

It’s beyond taking the P!

Definitely explore a Nursery place, licensed child minder or get enrolled in regular activities.

A friends DD and family did a 2 month stay in Montreal and enrolled their 3 year old in a local nursery for a couple of day a week out there, to match what she does here.

Does she not realise you go out to swimming class/tai chi/bowls/knitting group/golf/walking netball and clay pigeon shoots? 😁
FGT2 😁
Not to mention line-dancing, Spanish lessons, ukulele for beginners - just a sample of what U3A has to offer!

It sounds as though your DH agreed to the visit, but failed to be fully aware of the length of time, or if he was, failed to discuss arrangements. Family discussion urgently needed, all cards on the table.

Can she not get a six month let?

Allira

^Does she not realise you go out to swimming class/tai chi/bowls/knitting group/golf/walking netball and clay pigeon shoots?^ 😁
FGT2 😁
Not to mention line-dancing, Spanish lessons, ukulele for beginners - just a sample of what U3A has to offer!

😂

Couple of weeks is bad enough but six months- is she paying her way or do you have feed them too?

I can't speak to all Canadian provinces, but the one where I live, at least, doesn't usually admit children to Kindergarten (our term for Reception) until the year when they turn five, as long as they turn five by January 31 of that school year. (So, for instance, some children may start at four as long as they would turn five by January 31. However, some parents may decide to defer their child for a year and this is legally acceptable. So some children would be five coming into Kindergarten and then turn six during their Kindergarten year.)

I think you need to have a full family discussion about the logistics of this, with complete honesty.

1. You state what you are willing/able to do in Childcare; working around any other regular commitments that you have
2. Clarify exactly what your husband can do as well as he works part time. Including any potential changes of work days etc to accommodate your needs including test time
3. What your step daughter can do in adapting hours etc eg. As working from home, doing some of her work in the evenings to accommodate your needs/your husbands needs
4. If there remain some problems with childcare needed around all the above then ask what solution tour step daughter has in mind. Don't change your bottom line to oblige.
5. Look at short term nursery placement or child minder

Good luck

...Rest time not Test!

Goodness what a cheek! Urgent family discussion needed! Where is the father in all of this? Does she have a home to return to in Canada?

Cabbie21

It sounds as though your DH agreed to the visit, but failed to be fully aware of the length of time, or if he was, failed to discuss arrangements. Family discussion urgently needed, all cards on the table.

This would be my guess too

As she has decided to come for “ a visit” I would suggest that you invite her to stay with you for a short period of time which is acceptable to you - 2 or 3 weeks seems reasonable to me. If she is genuinely interested in spending time with you she shouldn’t be WFH much during that initial visit.

At the same time, send her a list of local self catering properties which will accept long term rentals for the rest of her stay. Airbnb and other holiday cottage agencies are often happy to take long stay guests, especially out of high season. When she has found and booked her accommodation for the rest of the stay, then -and only then - should you discuss providing any childcare, on your terms of course.

A frequent response to an opening post where the care of a child is the issue is ‘where is the father of the child’ in all this.

Why? If a dad is not mentioned it could be for any number of reasons.

He could have died, be Ill, be in prison or hospital, have been completely absent from the moment of conception, have split up from or deserted the mother, or be a violent, dangerous person who all concerned are glad to be free from. He could be working and can’t get away.
Thisis 2024 isn’t it?
Also in England there is no requirement in law for a child under 5 to be receiving any education at all.

Granddaughters partner gave written permission. Have contacted local authority with a view to nursery. So fingers crossed

That’s a bit cheeky. Your stepdaughter surely realises that this is a bit too much for you, and why oh why didn’t she make her plans clear before arriving. I would suspect that something must have gone wrong at home in Canada for her to arrive like that for 6 months.
You and your OH need to talk to her, explain that childcare every single day is tiring so could she look into a nursery for some of the time, this really shouldn’t be down to the OP to sort out, is her stepdaughter’s child so she should do it.

Why did you not simply say, they are welcome for six weeks, (or whatever time you find reasonable).but after that they will need to find alternative accomodation?

Presumably, they chose to live in Canada?

I would have told her she was a cheeky beggar even to ask it, which she did not do, she TOLD you what she intended, and that I am too old now to look after a four-year old full-time, so the child goes to nursery and her mother does her washing cooking, bed-time etc.etc.

I simply could not have anybody living in my home for 6 months, with or without previous discussion. Presumably she will be paying some sort of rent? And will to all the drop off/pick ups?
This is not unreasonable, as she/partner would be doing that at home anyway.
If you are not happy about all/any of this then now is the time to put your foot down, this will have a huge impact of your life and your home..
Totally unreasonable!

I’m guessing next year GD will be at school, so likely won’t happen again. Step daughter hasnever lived alone and would be unlikely to cope as she has anxiety. In Canada she lives with her Mum, in a much larger house than mine, so lots of room to have some personal space for them all.

Another thought - how do you keep a four year old quiet all the time if her mother is working from home?

OH still works part time so it’s down to me mostly

Perhaps your step-daughter can arrange her working hours so that either she or Grandad is free for childcare?

Do think about joining some outside social groups. It will get you out of the house and you'll meet others too.

What a nerve. She should have asked first, would tell her to do that in future. You're the one who should have anxiety.

Overlyanxious

Granddaughters partner gave written permission. Have contacted local authority with a view to nursery. So fingers crossed

How does stepdaughter feel about this??