Birthday Greetings with GD

So, what is the bottom line? You want to give her a gift, no strings attached, or you want her to thank you on the day? If it’s the latter, then say you want to know how best to give her the gift, so would like to arrange to speak to her on the day.

What is this priority pole and why should you stand so high on it?

The reasons given for the delay in speaking to you sound quite reasonable.

However I would expect a phone call, or better still a letter to say thank you for the present.

Seeing cousin's visiting from overseas does sound a very obvious priority.

I would be careful how demanding you get, you could find yourself even further down this priority pole.

A brief phone call and a thank you is not much to ask. We like to see our grandchildren briefly on their birthdays as they live locally but this is not always possible because of after school activities. Sometimes we are given a twenty minute slot but it feels like making an appointment. I know just how you feel.

It just sounds like there are things going on that are out of the ordinary this year. So long as you get a call at some point does it really matter if it's not on the birthday?

If you get thanked at all you're ahead of a lot of people - it doesn't sound like it's that common anymore. If you're insistent on getting thanked straight away it might be better not to give anything at all rather than cause lots of unwanted drama.

My grandchildren have so many activities on these days, I can't keep up.
It is understandable, that you want to chat, but the parents may be in a situation, they have no control over.
Ours live locally, but it is not always easy to sync everything.

You sound as if you are more upset about the non thank you, than the lack of phone call.Try not to upset yourself.

To me gifts are given without the expectation of being thanked. My GC always say thankyou but I don't enforce it.
Where do you think you should be on the 'priority' list?

I don't think it is your choice.

I think I’d be in trouble if we didn’t speak to any of the grandchildren on their birthdays. They’re still quite young, the oldest is twelve now. The parents expect us to be in contact with the children and we always have done, and we always are.

How far away are they?

If we're not seeing them on the day we phone briefly first thing in the morning to wish them Happy Birthday; if it's a weekend or holiday it's a longer chat.

However, they might be seeing friends after school, having a party or going out somewhere.
We see the ones who live closer at some point around their birthday, probably for a meal out.

Even if we've seen them, they still send thank you cards.

It wouldn’t just be a 5 minute call to you, if that was done it would only be fair to phone other friends and relatives that have given gifts to thank them, that could mean a big chunk out of the day when activities have been planned.

I can see both sides but think the GD does need to thank you at some point for the £50. In my opinion that is quite a lot of money to buy a gift with. Also why not send her a happy birthday gif on WhatsApp on the actual day if you can’t speak to her, am assuming she is an older GD if she chooses her own gift, so send the gif to her phone or if she is too young to have a phone send it to her parents asking them to let her see it on the day.
Don’t agonise about this, sometimes we get upset because our grown families seem to sideline us but we also forget how busy their lives are. Try to keep busy with other things you enjoy.
All the best 👍

I wouldn't be worried about a brief duty call to her on the actual day, given that it's a school day, they are doing something after school and have visitors the following day.

I'd rather speak to her when it's all over, when she has more time to chat, and hear all about it 🙂

When the GCs were younger, my DD and SIL made sure they thanked us for money, gifts etc.

Now my GCs are adult, they continue to say thank you for any money, gifts etc.

Good manners cost nothing. 🤷‍♀️

Sheian62 - I fully understand how you feel. We are being sidelined - simple as that.😡 I know I am. I’ll say no more

Why a call on that same day? Why is that so important?

It's normal to shift position on people's priority list as life moves on.
Just as when you were a young wife and mother, your family became your priority.

I would say it’s important because it’s the child’s birthday simple as. I’m with you Sheian62
I know my grandchild would be upset if we had no contact on his birthday. One year he had a party at a local pub with a large play area. As he had a lot of friends going we thought we’d leave them to it. Oh no - he wasn’t happy we hadn’t put in an appearance.
Even with busy lives it’s no excuse for manners and not acknowledging gifts.

I think it is sad when the GC grow to be teenagers and you are not as important in their lives than you used to be. I remember the calls I used to find on my answering machine from a sad little girl saying how much she wanted to speak to me and where was I . My DGC are still lovely , polite talented children but something is missing now . Perhaps we should be happy that we have lived long enough to see them entering adulthood.

Grandmadinosaur

I would say it’s important because it’s the child’s birthday simple as. I’m with you Sheian62
I know my grandchild would be upset if we had no contact on his birthday. One year he had a party at a local pub with a large play area. As he had a lot of friends going we thought we’d leave them to it. Oh no - he wasn’t happy we hadn’t put in an appearance.
Even with busy lives it’s no excuse for manners and not acknowledging gifts.

I agree with this. I know that my own GC would be mightily disappointed if we didn't wish them a happy birthday on the day itself. And, so far, we've been included in any family party celebrations for the kids. I don't expect this to continue as they get older, and I don't think we'd want it to with lots of other rowdy children around!

However, I don't see why a quick call just to say, 'hope you have a lovely day' on their birthday, should be so difficult. Are some people's lives really so busy that they don't have time for a quick call from a grandparent who loves them!

Just a quick call (and I mean quick, not a lingering chat) first thing in the morning, before school/or straight after school, or when they get home in the evening, before bed, just to say, 'hope you have/had a lovely birthday'. Personally, assuming your GD doesn't have a phone, I'd just call my DS and say I just quickly want to wish GD a happy birthday. That's all. Not taking up lots of precious time in their day, or disrupting their plans. It's just a quick call for goodness sake. Why do some people have to be so awkward.

I think Babs 03's idea is a good one.

Send a What's App gif and birthday message and say something like - 'I know your busy but maybe you can phone me after your birthday celebrations and tell me all about your day?'

Good luck.

Nansnet
Just a quick call (and I mean quick, not a lingering chat) first thing in the morning, before school/or straight after school, or when they get home in the evening, before bed, just to say, 'hope you have/had a lovely birthday'.

Yes, this. We call, sing Happy Birthday (badly), which makes them laugh, they say thank you and that's it, off they go for the day or for whatever they're doing later, knowing their grandparents have remembered them.

I never had to make an appointment to talk to my GC on the phone. Now that they are all adult, they phone me as I never know when and where to ring them. DGD2 calls me when she is walking to and from lectures, or at the end of a college day. Her brother calls, maybe less frequently, but once he is on the phone, he chats for 40 minutes or more! Senior DGD comes round to see me with DGGD once a week. I'm a very lucky granny.

I agree with Nansnet.

When did people become so entitled and selfish that they can’t allow their parents a couple of minutes on the phone with their grandchild on the grandchild’s birthday?

And that behaviour is defended, because ‘they’re busy.’

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