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worrying about death

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Dawn62 Thu 02-Jan-25 19:26:42

Hello,me again looking for advice,you were there for me when my dad was ill in oct 22 and when we lost him oct 17th 22 and all the stuff i have in my mixed up head.Two years on and third awful xmas without dad and my 63rd birthday on xmas day so i am old enough to know better,but i lay awake at night knowing either me or my husband of 42 years will face loosing one of us and it is eating away at me,crazy i keep telling myself to get a grip but i go over and over this and i honestly do not think i could cope when the time comes so i hope it is me first,dad going has broken me inside and i try to cope on the outside but inside i feel dead and i struggle to get by i am still finishing off his business that should be finished by april,then i have to get my mums new will sorted and i will be ready to start my next chapter i keep telling myself,we want to move house.Mum is 80 and i think she will fade after all dads bits are finished,she keeps telling me she promised to stay until things were sorted because of the toxic relationship i have with my sister oh and we still have dads car to sell and that will be hard,because dad was always in that car,it is in her garage and she hasn't even opened the car door in two years,my sister did she thought she could have it at one point,but it will be sold i do not think i can look at it,i hate going into her house now it is just empty no dad,who would always call to me as i put my foot into the door,i have to keep trying to pull myself together i am frightened if i let go i will never stop crying and i wont bring him back.
but it is this silly worry of death i have,i know one of us will die but the worry is stopping me enjoy what time we do have,any words of any kind would be helpful even just to say be grateful for what you have,and i am and yet i still have this feeling.many thanks.

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Milsa Fri 25-Jul-25 20:37:23

Whiff

Milsa if you want to be believe in god and think of eternal life that is your choice . But don't tell others how to live there live or what to believe.

I am atheist and respect others believe in which ever god they believe in . But I do expect people that it is my choice not to believe in any gods. And do not need telling by others I am wrong or as some people have told me I will burn in the fires of hell.

I will burn but at my cremation. As I don't believe in any gods nor do I believe in a devil.

But I do believe there is evil people in this world which do awful things but that's there choice they do it because they want to. It has nothing to do with believe it not .

I only do my best as far I am informed. This is how I manage any grief, with the hope of eternal life. Cannot do any better. Being quiet is not an option. Death is not an option. Seeing a chaplain is optional but many people do take that option.

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Whiff Fri 25-Jul-25 21:19:33

Yes and I managed my grief the way I cope with for the last 21.5 years . It works for me . We have one life it's how we live it now that counts .

If your want eternal life I hope you find it .

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WithNobsOnIt Tue 29-Jul-25 22:11:18

M0nica

Why not seek some counselling. There are grief and bereavement counsellors and I have friends who have benefitted immensely from such grief counselling.

Excellent advice.

Grief Counsellors don't judge. They just listen to how you feel and will support you.

When you get more of your day to day admin stuff sorted. Try and get away for a break somewhere.

Best Regards

🌻🤞😻

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Dreadwitch Thu 31-Jul-25 17:41:11

I'd suggest some grief counselling. You're having intrusive thoughts and counselling can definitely help you with that.

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Saltyspec Wed 06-Aug-25 21:17:12

Years ago people were surrounded by death. Babies often died, mother in childbirth, terrible accidents, grandparents, generally people died at home. Bodies were cared for at home before funerals.

Nowadays death is clinical and hidden. But it is still part of life and unavoidable.

Talking about death, with friends and family, or perhaps at a death cafe, is a good thing. Death and grief are normal. Both are part of the process of life, which was never easy.

Take a step at a time, but keep moving forwards. Very best wishes

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